Valentine’s Day, was crazy on social media!
There were hilarious posts, hostile posts, sad posts, provocative posts and then there were the posts from those who were determined to let the world know: they don’t celebrate pagan holidays anyways. We get it!
Mixed emotions were plastered; excuse me, posted for everyone to see.
As I scrolled and scrolled some more, I couldn’t help but hear the hearts of my sisters (and some of my brothers) crying out for help.
Me being who I am, I took a lot of mental notes. At the same time, my mental Rolodex was flipping and spinning, grabbing past and recent comments from women I work with who’ve echoed similar sentiments, as the women on social media, about the trials and tribulations of love.
There’s no doubting it: the natural desire (or hunger) to be loved can leave a trail of heartache and heartbrokenness when hearts aren’t protected or respected.
I am now more convinced than ever: the heart must be guarded by any means necessary.
Did you know that your heart is a sensitive, yet powerful part of who you are?
Your heart is so significant to who you are, who you think you are, and your beliefs about the world –that God, who I like to call The Ultimate Parent, encourages every individual to be THOUGHTFUL about tending to and protecting thy heart.
Picture this! Your heart is like a rare, precious garden, growing valuable crops that should be guarded to preserve its worth and overall impact.
Therefore, you must tend to your garden (heart). Feeding it exercise, watering it with truth from God’s Word and committed to plucking every weed of abandonment, bitterness and self-doubt, so you can bear good fruit and ATTRACT someone who will engage you and your garden well.
I really want you to get what The Ultimate Parent has to say about the heart, so you’ll be more mindful about who you allow in to your sacred space.
Let’s take a look at a few Scriptures that can help us better understand how important the HEART is to one’s decisions, identity and overall life, especially the huge decision of who you CHOOSE to let in your heart romantically.
First, Jesus instructs us to follow the greatest commandment:
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ ~Matthew 22:37 NIV
The word heart, in this Scripture is derived from the Greek word, καρδία kardia.
Next up, in the book of wisdom, we are instructed:
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” ~Proverbs 4:23
The word heart, in this Scripture is derived from the Hebrew word, לֵב lêb. It means “inner being and mind.” This is where your WILL resides, where you place your affections can dictate how you invest your energy and time.
Lastly, God spoke through the prophet Ezekiel, to advise us:
“A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.” ~Ezekiel 36:26
The word heart, in Ezekiel 36:26 is derived from the same Hebrew word, (לֵב lêb) in Proverbs 4:23. Here though, we are reminded that for those who ask God to be saved from the perils of this life, they will receive eternal life, plus a heart transfer. Sanctifying the old heart and old ways of being, for a new heart and new ways of being.
God is clear: Your heart is a treasure, not a toy.
Now, check out these 3 Unpopular, but Effective Ways to Guard Your Heart from Heartbreak
1. Keep your communication with God tight and right! Let’s be real. There’s some prayers that you are keeping or will keep from God. Why? –because at the age of 33 or 43, you don’t want to hear God tell you in His Maury Povich voice, “He is NOT your husband!”
Lord, really? Say, it, ain’t, so?!
In your mind, it may SEEM only right to entertain man after man to see where it’ll go, without consulting God, but if you really want to keep your heart guarded and healthy, and FARAWAY from heartbreak, you must let God in from the jump! Not only should you consult God on your love life, but I encourage you to give God the okay to walk with you everywhere you go.
[ The gag is! God’s there anyways. ]
Pray without ceasing! Pray about every single major and minor thing you do. I don’t care how good he looks on paper, smells and talks (oh, don’t they talk a good talk?), LIFT HIM UP in prayer. Not in some coy kinda way, but in a direct and clear way.
Prayer Example: God you are awesome and mighty, please reveal Jamal M. Palmer’s intentions and purpose in my life. Also, show me what I am meant to give to him. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
2. Keep your ears wide open! Yes, this one is on the unpopular list because too many people, uh-um women, don’t know how to listen up (I’ll raise my hand on this one, but I’m really getting better at it lol). From my experience, the average man does not have a Ph.D. in deception or cheating. They just aren’t that cleaver. If you listen to them, they’ll tell you exactly who they are, what they want and what they most certainly do not want.
Let the man talk, while you listen to what he’s saying and NOT SAYING. Then ask good open-ended questions.
For instance: What do you like spending your time doing? Where do you see yourself, ideally in 3 years?
Do your best to stay away from projecting onto him what you wish he would say. If he says, “Ideally, I’d be living in Brooklyn, managing my accounts, nothing fussy because I don’t see myself getting married.”
Please don’t see this as a time to pretend or ignore what he said and your desires.
If marriage is your heart’s desire, this is when you’d say NOTHING and smile because he’s not your guy. You could also say something graceful to let him know it was a pleasure meeting him, but you’re looking to connect with someone who’s pro-marriage.
3. Keep your legs closed! Hey, there’s no prettier way to say this one. If you want to avoid loosely letting the wrong man into your GARDEN, I strongly urge you to seek God through prayer. Ask God to teach you about the emotional, mental, spiritual and physical importance of reserving sexual intercourse, petting and oral sex for the man who has earned your heart (preferably by way of marriage).
Please hear my heart, the Holy Spirit had to patiently lead me in this area and is still helping me wait for the one who will honor all of me. But, do your own case study! The guys you didn’t have sex with, was it easier for you to move on emotionally, mentally and/or spiritually or nah? I really wanna know!!
Remember ladies: The right man can and will help you and your luxurious garden flourish. The wrong man can and will sow seeds of division, damaging your ability to prosper, while leading you away from God.
Let’s not end here. Let’s continue the conversation. If you enjoyed this article or have questions, please comment below.
You can click here to read another great article that provides additional ways to guard your heart while dating.
With Love + Purpose,
P.S. This Spring, the KNOW YOUR WORTH Brunch is back in Philly on April 2. Gather your girls and come out! Space for this event is limited. CLICK HERE for registration details!