Are you single?
If so, are you dating, waiting to connect with your husband to be or chilling to figure out who you are and what you really want?
Over the past week, I’ve heard some colorful dating stories and how the men out here are out of control.
The conversations have taken me on a journey from Match.com to polygamy to he was married and broke?!
In most cases, it was a woman venting about how “these men” are moving out here! I’m very aware of the polygamy type guy and the married guy who’s stilling looking. However, over the years, I have changed and so has the way I choose to move as a single woman, but I’ll get to that in a minute.
In addition to hearing about their colorful dating scenarios, I recently read a post on Instagram that really struck a nerve. It inspired me to vent on social media and now to thoughtfully express, why we as women can no longer engage or contribute to the drama and disrespect that’s taking place on the dating scene, especially if we say we want more.
By the way, here’s the Instagram post I mentioned:
“Been cheated on, lied to, left for someone else, dropped with no explanation, and I’m still trying to love like I’ve never been hurt.”
As women, I know we have emotional, physical and spiritual desires THAT ARE VALID, but if we truly want to be loved, respected or are the least bit interested in building a family one day with “these men?!” –as my sister-friend so eloquently titled men, as she told me a story about a guy she was seeing who struggled to live up to who he said he was in the beginning of their relationship.
Maybe, you know him?
Anyways, as a woman, if you want the best out of “these men” you have to know what is best for yourself first, then date, get-to-know and engage men accordingly.
Let me explain.
1. You have to determine: What do I want? Do you want a 3 to 7 week fling? Would you prefer to be casually associated or to be in a committed relationship? Do you want the butterflies in your stomach, he’s the answer to my prayers kinda love? Are you a wife right now, waiting for your husband? Maybe, being coupled is no where on your list of priorities?
2. You must decide and stand by what you want. Maybe you’re interested in dating to discover your likes and dislikes? If so, then date with compatibility discovery in mind. If you desire commitment or if you’re certain you are a wife in waiting, then stand by your decision or hold tight to God’s promise. Don’t have time or the emotional capacity to be coupled, then resist the temptation to do what others are doing for the sake of fitting in.
3. You must be disciplined to get what you want. This pertains to those of you who know you desire to be in a committed relationship or have been seeking God to prepare you and your future spouse for marriage. In order to connect with your guy and decrease the odds of you being “cheated on, lied to, left for someone else, dropped with no explanation” you have to be more disciplined with you and who can have access to your conversation and company. Also, you can’t give “these men” your body and your beauty for nothing in exchange.
Nope, I’m not talking about prostitution, which is an unworthy use of your energy, spirit and sex (body) in exchange for money. Why is it unworthy? Because one’s body or temple is priceless to God.
What I am talking about is how the Song of Solomon describes how God sees you, as His beloved. Have you ever read it? Here are a few verses…
“How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O prince’s daughter! The curves of your hips are like jewels, The work of the hands of an artist. Your navel is like a round goblet Which never lacks mixed wine; Your belly is like a heap of wheat Fenced about with lilies. Your two breasts are like two fawns, Twins of a gazelle.” (Song of Solomon 7:1-3 NASB)
I think you get the picture.
It is written, that you, as God’s beloved are valuable and beautiful and well sought after, even if in the natural your phone isn’t ringing and you haven’t been on a date in awhile. You’re still desired and loved!
4. You must demand respect despite your stance. As a woman, you have power. Let me steal a line or two from the Holy Bible. “The curves of your hips are like jewels and your two breasts are like two fawns.” Whether you are just starting out on the dating scene or if you’ve been waiting for years to meet your husband to be, don’t deny the fact that as a woman, you have power.
I urge you to use the power you have for good. Let’s help these men!
Yes, help a man out and in turn help a woman out (because every guy you encounter isn’t your guy). As soon as you see the signs that he doesn’t respect you, address it. For instance, if he hasn’t asked you out, doesn’t show up for the date, barely pays you any attention, don’t giggle or respond to his texts like he’s done well by you?! Don’t let his looks and claims to be a “godly” man mislead you.
Let him know that you’ll take a pass on him and his actions. He’ll either rise to the occasion or move on. Remember: It takes discipline to say no, so you can get what you truly want.
Back to the pressing question: What do you truly want?
Now, that I know what I want, which is a marriage that feels spiritually right. I don’t move the same. I don’t date as much. I’m focused. I pray and do my best to make room for my blessings.
Did any of these points resonate with you? I’d love to hear where you are as a single woman? Please share your perspective.
With Love + Purpose,
P.S. Jan. 29 – Mar. 31, I’ll be hosting a virtual Singleness + Marriage Readiness Inner Circle, where you can get the coaching support you need as a single woman of faith. Click here to join us!