How do you get to live the life you love?
The average woman I know wants to live a life that she loves, but living the life you love can be more complex than many of us like to admit?!
My dear friend, Julie Wadley, Life and Relationship Coach, and Owner of Eli Simone, LLC and I sat down again to continue our discussion about love, dating and the relational challenges that are facing women today.
The previous post, “Women, Staying Sane in the Dating Game is Up to You,” spoke specifically about women and dating. However, the more Julie and I talked, we realized there’s a bigger picture at play.
The average woman wants more than a fabulous love life, she wants a LIFE she loves.
In light of this revelation, we came up with 5 courageous questions that may prove to be a game changer in your life, moving you closer to a life that you seriously love!! Oh, and we’d love for you to add your voice to these questions or add some questions of your own in the comments below.
1. Are you enough?
A big A-ha!! that Julie and I came to is when you realize you’re enough, your whole life landscape changes, especially the level of love you give and receive.
[JW] If you can honestly say, “I am enough!” Great, but if not, evaluate why you think you’re not enough? A woman that knows she’s enough is grounded in the knowledge of self and she’s okay with passing on men and opportunities that don’t suit her best. She’s also less likely to contort herself to fit others.
She’s not arrogant, she’s self-assured.
[TT] For years, I struggled with feelings of inadequacy, but as I began to #GetEngaged with my personality, passions and purpose, I recognized my value. Like you said, “It’s not arrogance!” I started to get genuinely excited about who God says I am, and the more I trusted God’s path and growth process for my life, I began to flourish.
Asking yourself, “Am I enough?” is a courageous question to ask, and even more extraordinary to answer. Are you enough for a husband? Are you enough for your dream job? Are you enough for your friends? Are you enough? –is a huge question that impacts every area of life. Get to the bottom of this question and the way you approach love and life changes, for the better.
2. Are you prioritizing the priority?
Giving people, places and things that matter most to you top priority is a great way to jumpstart the life you love. When you plan and proceed based on your key priorities, your feeling of accomplishment will soar. Some women are working very diligently on things they don’t really care about.
[JW] Make it a priority. Figure out what you want and how important it is to you. Ask yourself how does what you “want” fit into your list of priorities as it relates to everything else that’s going on in your life. When you really want something to happen, put it on your short list of top priorities. Ask yourself, what are the obstacles that are preventing you from your goal? Is it fear, lack of resources, not enough support. Also, what can you do to minimize what’s blocking you from your goal?
For instance, a major roadblock for many people is FEAR. Most times, fear is imaginary. Last time, we were talking about dating and women that desire to be married.
Well, a woman may desire to be married, yet she fears rejection or not knowing how to put herself out there, to be datable.
She doesn’t want to come off as desperate or thirsty. There’s a lot of discomfort around being vulnerable, but without vulnerability a woman may miss a key priority in her life, love.
[TW] Make God a priority. It sounds cliche, but really when you make God a priority, you automatically make you (and love) a priority. You begin to see what really matters to you and what doesn’t. I’m not talking about religious activities.
I’m talking about going to God in spirit and truth (John 4:24).
If you haven’t done this already, ask God, What’s the top priority for my life right now? Then grab a piece of paper and list your top 5 priorities and the top 5 things you give most of your time and effort. Do they align? Where does God’s #1 priority fit into your list? Where do you fit into your list? Women, sisters, we can’t give what we don’t have.
If you are working hard at the wrong things, stop it! You will continue to be frustrated and far from the desires of your heart.
3. Are you proactive or reactive?
Living the life you love is heavily connected to proactivity. “Taking initiative does not mean being pushy, obnoxious, or aggressive. It does mean recognizing our responsibility to make the right things happen.”
[TT] I added the words “the right” to Steve Covey’s quote because it’s important to make the right things happen, which goes back to your list of priorities. You don’t have to live your life in waiting, like a damsel in distress.
It’s so empowering to be engaged in your life, your priorities and your purpose.
The reactive way of living life points to everything outside of self as the issue. Yes, some things are systemic and out of your control, but there are other things that you can do to initiate the life you’ll love. Like beefing up your prayer life, distancing yourself from bad company and committing your time to the things that matter most to you.
[JW] I did an event titled: Where are all the men? and many of the women there spoke from a helpless place, as it relates to being single. But, women aren’t helpless. We have the ability to build and make great things happen!
Actually, I’m finding that some women are paralyzed by their own success.
They’ve built these amazing personal brands and don’t want to do anything to contradict their brand. If their brand gives off, “I’m fearless!” It can be hard to be vulnerable and admit you need help or love.
4. Are you focused on outcomes?
Living in the moment can be challenging to do, especially if you thrive on seeing results, but if you can resist the need to know the outcome and come to appreciate the journey your on, you’ll find goodness there.
The candy and clouds in each day, have a way of forming a life that you can’t help but to love.
[TT] Recently, some of you on my email list may already know this, but I went on a blind date. Although, there wasn’t a romantic connection, I was able to enjoy the guy’s company because I wasn’t wondering, “Is it him or not?!” I use to really obsess about when, why or how he would show up. Now, I’m more interested in connecting with a special person, not just filling “the husband” gap in my life, so I get to relax and enjoy the process more.
[JW] Let go of outcomes! If you go into a dating situation with the end already in mind then you are more focused on the outcome and less on the experience. Some women that I come across and work with, go from first date to marriage (in their minds) without considering who the person is.
I caution women, don’t miss out on the journey.
Skipping the dating period is a no no! It’s about connecting with someone you respect and valuing their friendship. When relationships hit rough spots, and they do, it’s the friendship that was built during the dating phase that will save the relationship.
5. Are you fairytale focused?
If you have a certain type, certain height, certain way in which the “fairytale” must happen for you, then you could be thinking your life isn’t a success because you lack the fairytale picture.
It’s hard to love a life that you think is wrong.
Living the life you love is able to happen right now, but it starts with you and how you think!
[JW] Fairytales are sold to girls early. I alluded to this in the previous post,“Women, Staying Sane in the Dating Game is Up to You,” that many of us are raised to think that we should wait for the guy to act. I was at an event and I wanted to introduce a woman to a man and as I gestured to walk her over to him, she questioned, “Should I be saying something to him first?” There are so many women with all these great qualities, but are waiting to share and show who they are.
[TT] But, I love fairytales tho?! However, I can see how true a fairytale is when you are awakened to the beauty within yourself. Like you said, there are so many of us with great qualities.
We either downplay our qualities or we don’t know they even exist.
Either way, when the Scripture says, “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.” It’s about waiting, while you do the good work God has gifted you to do, so the wait is active. As much as I love a good fairytale, I had to shift and shake up my fairytale mindset because love, it’s much BIGGER.
Julie and I had a great time working through these 5 courageous questions. What questions stood out?What questions did we miss? Don’t forget to add your voice in the comment section below.
With Love, Julie &…
P.S. If you’d like to learn more about Julie Wadley’s, Life and Relationship Coaching Services, check out her website, EliSimone.com, also like her on Facebook. Share the social love too. It matters.