Walking away from an unhealthy relationship should be relatively easy, right? Well, it isn’t, especially for those who don’t have a high sense of self-esteem or self-worth.
We all know someone whose been in an unhealthy relationship at one time or another, right?
In your neighborhood, at college or on the job? Maybe, it was you? The hard truth is a few of you will read this article and remain in a relationship that’s hurting you more than helping you. Why? Because you don’t get how beautiful, how valuable and how loved you are, right now.
How do I know? Because I was there.
I was in my late twenties, which quickly turned into my early thirties and I was in a relationship, tolerating subtle and not so subtle disrespect from a guy I loved. Despite how I tried to spin it in my mind, this guy’s overall actions didn’t show me love in return. Not the kinda love I desired and deserved. Had his actions been loving and reciprocal, I wouldn’t have eventually walked away. But the kicker is, had I truly understood my worth, I would’ve nipped his mistreatment of me in the bud.
But, I didn’t.
It took me awhile, 5 years to be exact, to muster up the courage to walkaway, and many more years to be good with myself and my singleness.
Why did I stay so long?
There’s so many reasons, but mostly because I didn’t know how beautiful I was, how strong I was and how loved I was.
In addition to not getting my self-worth, I didn’t know God or God’s love for me.
I wasn’t schooled by older women on how to navigate the ups and downs of romantic love. What should or shouldn’t I tolerate? How do I address yellow flags before they become red flags? Instead, I learned about love by watching what I saw around me growing up, which was inconsistent messaging: A mix of stable and tumultuous relationships.
The most important relationship, that of my parents, would err on the tumultuous side too.
The environment I was raised in no doubt left an imprint on me, but it didn’t have to be the blueprint for my life. Thankfully, through my relationship with God, the Holy Spirit has guided me to release what no longer serves me and to grab hold of what I need to know as it pertains to love and life. The Holy Spirit is continually helping to fill in my love and wisdom gaps.
Do you feel like you just didn’t get started on the right foot with this love thing? Like it’s always escaping you?
Well, time is still on your side. Like me, you can learn from your past and choose to take a better path.
“Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow.” ~Psalm 25:4 NLT
The counsel of the Lord has changed the course of my life. Now, I value myself. I have a broader understanding of love. My creativity is alive and well, and I expect meaningful things to happen for others and throughout my life.
I’ve learned from experience and coaching others, when women begin to gain clarity and confidence, the odds of starting or staying in an unhealthy relationship decreases significantly, if not completely.
This article, 10 Things Confident People Do Differently In Dating & Relationships gives prime examples on how being confident vs. insecure impacts dating and relationships.
For example: Did you know that when you’re not connected to your beauty, when you don’t get your worth or can’t comprehend how loved you are, right now –regardless of what you have or don’t have, the conversation within yourself is more than likely, anti-you? None of us should settle for the overly aggressive negative self-talk.
I hope this list of signs inspires you to checkin with who you are and checkout what you need and don’t need in a relationship.
8 Signs You Need to Walkaway from an Unhealthy Relationship
1. You’re being emotionally, physically or spiritually abused. If you are being emotionally broken down, physically abused or if he/she uses God to control you, you have a right to exit this kind of relationship. Please contact (888)223-1111, if you need assistance getting out.
2. You make excuses for their unacceptable behavior. Despite how bad he acts out or negatively he treats you, you somehow find a way to excuse his ugly ways. Instead of addressing his indiscretion or unacceptable behavior, you remind yourself of his strengths.
3. You continue to overcompensate for his lack of love. Instead of addressing his anti-relationship antics and unloving actions, you find yourself trying to do more for him to prove that you’re “the one” for him.
4. You don’t expect him to show up for you when you need him the most. If you’re sick or in desperate need, do you prefer to call a friend over him? Do you err against leaning on him to avoid being disappointed again?
5. You text him instead of call to avoid being being rejected. Deep down inside you don’t you don’t believe you’re a priority in his life. You don’t think he wants to be bothered or will answer your calls.
6. You don’t feel comfortable mentioning God or anything faith related in his or her presence. In order to avoid heated conversations, you keep your faith to yourself. You might even go as far as hiding your Bible or devotional when he comes around.
7. You constantly feel drained after spending time with him. Relationships have ebbs and flows, but if the flow is more depleting of your energy than renewing, it could be time to check out.
8. Your relationship serves no purpose, besides good sex! You’re compromising your time, body and your values. You’re emotionally torn on why you tolerate their nonsense, yet secretly you know it’s because you’re sexually bound to this person. If you remove the sex, you two have nothing in common.
Did this article drive down your street? If so, we’d love to hear how, please comment below. Would you prefer to remain anonymous? You can email me directly @ firstname.lastname@example.org.
Not really sure where you stand in your dating or relationship life?
If you need a getaway and time to tune into you and the love you desire most, consider joining me and other women who are ready to go for greater this Summer at the #GetEngaged Retreat for Single Women in Maryland!
With Love + Purpose,
P.S. Feel free to share the #GetEngaged Retreat for Single Women promo with your circle of friends. It’s going to be transformational!