If you haven’t heard this already, I use to be a horribly sad single.
I just hated the idea of being single, on my own, without a HE near me, under me, texting me, okay wait –I’m a little older than that, calling me…something!!! The unfortunate part was that I spent most of my twenties and a chunk of my thirties so consumed with trying to be a “couple” that I never really practiced the art and joy of being, “the one.”
Yeah, I know many of us are taught to be on the look out for “the one” outside of ourselves. And, in Christian circles, I totally got the biblical memo –“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.” …Proverbs 18:22, yes and Amen. However, it’s important to highlight that me, myself and I never, -ever, -ever, -ever, -ever, -ever, -ever took the time to fully exercise my right to BE and become “the one,” you know, happy in my skin and my flow, prior to adding another whole adult to the equation.
Unfortunately, I know I’m not the only one? According to www.stageoflife.com there are 92 million single adults in America. I can’t help but to wonder, how many of them have taken the time to become “the one” prior to being a couple?
How about you? Have you ever truly asked yourself, who am I? What do I really like? What turns me off and on? What do I love about myself? What could I cut out right now? How should I really be treated and what does that look like up close? And, by the way, what does God have to say about me?
Yeah, the questions could go on and on, but this isn’t meant to be one of those dreaded “must have” lists I hear about that read more like mini E-books. Instead, it’s meant to be more like an adventurous private dance with YOURSELF. I know, it sounds BORING! But, think about it, if you’re bored with you, then it could be an indication that you may need to amp up your “IT” factor…just a thought.
So, if you do find yourself absolutely enraged over your single status, in a dating lull or just tired of dating the same old duds, then this might be the perfect time to strongly consider putting a freeze on these 5 sabotaging single habits:
- Stop bashing being single. Despite your dislike of being single, it’s your current status and your negativity towards it doesn’t miraculously shift you into the “taken” or married category. You can totally disapprove of being single with grace. Instead of spitting fire, speak promise over your life. If you prayed about being married and God said yes, then try your best to focus your energy on preparing for the promise. Remember: Your life is a walking billboard and if it’s love you seek then walk that love thing out, for real.
- Stop pretending like you don’t care that you’re single. Okay, so this is for those that are lying to God, themselves and others. Yeah, you may not loose sleep over it, but you most certainly care that you’re single and it’s okay! So, instead of brushing it off like it doesn’t exist, try admitting to yourself and God your true desires. Acting like you don’t want something doesn’t make it go away. The written Word is clear my dear, “…the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32) So, just tell the truth because your love is out there waiting for you to say, “YES!” I’m open and ready.
- Stop dwelling on who helped you be single. Oh boy! This was me all day. You know, “If he hadn’t cheated or if he was ready then I wouldn’t be in this predicament.” Well, you are and again, it’s okay! I know what it’s like to tap the replay button over and over again, yet expecting a FRESH outcome. Not smart. None of us has the ability to go back in time and change it, so the past has to be left where it’s at –gone, done, over. If you find yourself stuck in replay, ask God to help you stop, again and again until it’s behind you. Remember: You can’t have anything that’s for you if you don’t agree to receive it.
- Stop idolizing or despising couples. It’s cool to admire those that have healthy, loving relationships and it can be a little funny to growl at a couple that’s sucking face in public, but either way you spin this one being too focused on what others have or don’t have takes TIME. And, do you really have time for that?!? Sweet Brown! Sweet Brown! Anyways, be balanced. Learn from the power couples around you and from those that seem to be missing out on that everlasting love, definitely take notes and then, move on.
- Stop obsessing over being “a couple” if you haven’t successfully become “the one.” Being “the one” isn’t about dotting every “I” and crossing every “T.” It’s really about growing to a place where you absolutely love you without the boo, the accolades, the awards, the MAC, the promotions, you get my drift, right? There are women (people) doing and experiencing horrible things in the name of love because they don’t know what love really is, but thankfully God does. So, take some time out for you and God. Go to the source of authentic love and ask, “God –can you show me what love is and what love isn’t?” and watch God begin to show you the breath and depth of love. It’s extraordinary and it’s in you!
So, don’t be apprehensive or afraid to ask God about this love thing because despite what it looks like today, you were created to enjoy and experience love in its fullness as “the one” …or as “a couple.”
P.S. Don’t forget to share or comment, I would love to hear from you.