Are you tired of being single? Lose these 5 Sabotaging Habits Now

If  you haven’t heard this already, I use to be a horribly sad single.

I just hated the idea of being single, on my own, without a HE near me, under me, texting me, okay wait –I’m a little older than that, calling me…something!!! The unfortunate part was that I spent most of my twenties and a chunk of my thirties so consumed with trying to be a “couple” that I never really practiced the art and joy of being, “the one.”

Yeah, I know many of us are taught to be on the look out for “the one” outside of ourselves. And, in Christian circles, I totally got the biblical memo –“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.” …Proverbs 18:22, yes and Amen. However, it’s important to highlight that me, myself and I never, -ever, -ever, -ever, -ever, -ever, -ever took the time to fully exercise my right to BE and become “the one,” you know, happy in my skin and my flow, prior to adding another whole adult to the equation.

Unfortunately, I know I’m not the only one? According to there are 92 million single adults in America. I can’t help but to wonder, how many of them have taken the time to become “the one” prior to being a couple?

How about you? Have you ever truly asked yourself, who am I? What do I really like? What turns me off and on? What do I love about myself? What could I cut out right now? How should I really be treated and what does that look like up close? And, by the way, what does God have to say about me?

Yeah, the questions could go on and on, but this isn’t meant to be one of those dreaded “must have” lists I hear about that read more like mini E-books. Instead, it’s meant to be more like an adventurous private dance with YOURSELF. I know, it sounds BORING! But, think about it, if you’re bored with you, then it could be an indication that you may need to amp up your “IT” factor…just a thought.

So, if you do find yourself absolutely enraged over your single status, in a dating lull or just tired of dating the same old duds, then this might be the perfect time to strongly consider putting a freeze on these 5 sabotaging single habits:

  1. Stop bashing being single. Despite your dislike of being single, it’s your current status and your negativity towards it doesn’t miraculously shift you into the “taken” or married category.  You can totally disapprove of being single with grace. Instead of spitting fire, speak promise over your life. If you prayed about being married and God said yes, then try your best to focus your energy on preparing for the promise. Remember: Your life is a walking billboard and if it’s love you seek then walk that love thing out, for real.
  2. Stop pretending like you don’t care that you’re single. Okay, so this is for those that are lying to God, themselves and others. Yeah, you may not loose sleep over it, but you most certainly care that you’re single and it’s okay! So, instead of brushing it off like it doesn’t exist, try admitting to yourself and God your true desires. Acting like you don’t want something doesn’t make it go away. The written Word is clear my dear, “…the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32) So, just tell the truth because your love is out there waiting for you to say, “YES!” I’m open and ready.
  3. Stop dwelling on who helped you be single. Oh boy! This was me all day. You know, “If he hadn’t cheated or if he was ready then I wouldn’t be in this predicament.” Well, you are and again, it’s okay! I know what it’s like to tap the replay button over and over again, yet expecting a FRESH outcome. Not smart. None of us has the ability to go back in time and change it, so the past has to be left where it’s at –gone, done, over. If you find yourself stuck in replay, ask God to help you stop, again and again until it’s behind you. Remember: You can’t have anything that’s for you if you don’t agree to receive it.
  4. Stop idolizing or despising couples. It’s cool to admire those that have healthy, loving relationships and it can be a little funny to growl at a couple that’s sucking face in public, but either way you spin this one being too focused on what others have or don’t have takes TIME. And, do you really have time for that?!? Sweet Brown! Sweet Brown! Anyways, be balanced. Learn from the power couples around you and from those that seem to be missing out on that everlasting love, definitely take notes and then, move on.
  5. Stop obsessing over being “a couple” if you haven’t successfully become “the one.” Being “the one” isn’t about dotting every “I” and crossing every “T.” It’s really about growing to a place where you absolutely love you without the boo, the accolades, the awards, the MAC, the promotions, you get my drift, right? There are women (people) doing and experiencing horrible things in the name of love because they don’t know what love really is, but thankfully God does. So, take some time out for you and God. Go to the source of authentic love and ask, “God –can you show me what love is and what love isn’t?” and watch God begin to show you the breath and depth of love. It’s extraordinary and it’s in you!

So, don’t be apprehensive or afraid to ask God about this love thing because despite what it looks like today, you were created to enjoy and experience love in its fullness as “the one” …or as “a couple.”

With Love,

Tiffy Sign 90




P.S. Don’t forget to share or comment, I would love to hear from you.



By | 2017-03-02T16:00:11+00:00 February 15th, 2014|blog|7 Comments

About the Author:

New to TiffyTalks? My name is Tiffany. I'm a mom to a millennial named Deja, who enjoys coaching, speaking and writing about singleness, self-engagement and spiritual development.


  1. Natalie February 16, 2014 at 5:09 pm - Reply

    Knowing yourself is the greatest gift you can give to yourself. Not always assigning blame and shame to yourself, but instead focusing on the “right”. The journey of being or finding “the one” is one of self-acceptance and self-worth…appreciating your singleness WITH God! Tiffy, thank you for feeding us with truth of single contentment and losing the notion of seeing it as a parasite. Your words do my spirit well!!! Carry on sis

    • Tiffy February 18, 2014 at 3:12 am - Reply

      Hey Nat! Powerful words, “feeding us with truth of single contentment & loosing the notion of seeing it as a parasite” WOW!! So, awesome. I’m so glad you took the time to share. Singleness can be a bugger, but God uses specific “seasons” to get us to where we need to be. -XO

  2. Shenna February 18, 2014 at 7:08 pm - Reply

    Thanks for those powerful tips. As a single saved women this really hit home. I can really say that I’m just starting to realize that my singleness is not a disease. For years I felt as if I was picked out to be picked on because Boaz had not arrived. Do I want him to show up YES!! However I’m learning to trust Gods timing and not sit bitterly waiting. As a single parent I longed for the married life for my 3 sons but God. Two are in college and the baby graduate this year. So I will be a single with a empty nest . Bitter sweet but I look forward to what God is gonna do. I’m learning new things about myself constantly 🙂 I had to think I thought I already knew me lol.

    • Tiffy February 19, 2014 at 9:03 pm - Reply

      Hi Miss K, It’s funny, I never thought I’d be encouraging others in regards to singleness, BUT God. I’m a mom too, so I feel your story, but I must say it sounds like you were able to steer your 3 sons in the right direction. Congrats!!! That’s big. Stay moving towards your best and let your light shine. Don’t hold back your beauty because you don’t have a beau. Your guy will see you shimmering. I believe this. Blessings and joy over you.

  3. Nicole Gardner March 6, 2014 at 4:22 pm - Reply

    Hi Tiffy!! Yes I can relate to a certain extent, because I loved being single. Being the boss of my own life. Making my own decisions without someone in my ear suggesting what they think I should do. Spending my own money the way I wanted. I thought being in a relationship was a complete headache! It was like I was waiting for him to cheat or lie to me and I didnt want to deal with the heartache so I choosed to be single. Having to deal with another persons ideas and attitude was a complete turn off to me.I had plenty of offers but none of them seem to be worth my heart ,soul, and time.I had a wall built up so high that nobody could seem to climb over it. I loved being single!! Until I met my husband five years ago. He did his best to try and help me see the benifits of having a male friend that would be there to support me through my ups abd downs.We were similar and we connected on a higher level that I dont think anyone could understand. We just matched!! Im now happy to say that I married him 11 days ago and I know tgat I made the right decision. He waited for me to get my mind right and Hes very passionate about growing old with me and he accepts my children like his own. I love being married. Its true what you said about bringing negativity into your life. I hear it all the time. Women saying “there are no good men out there” thats the law of attraction. Instead they should be saying “There is someone out there for me and he will come in due time”
    Thankyou Tiffy, 1Love always!!

    • Tiffy March 7, 2014 at 12:52 am - Reply

      Hi Nicky!! I’m glad you let the wall down for the right and best match 😉 Unfortunately, some women miss out on having a fantastic single life because they dread being alone. It took me a LONG-G-G-G time to wake up to my own light and loveliness. Now, I’m like wow!! I don’t have to force me on anyone or accept the wrong fit. It’s liberating. Thanks so much for sharing. -XO

      P.S. Love always wins and it won you over!! Super-wonderful.

  4. Nicole Gardner March 6, 2014 at 4:24 pm - Reply

    *sorry for the typos! 🙂

Leave A Comment