Thinking back, I’ve always been a dreamer.
The rapper @NasNYC said, “I know a billionaire that has everything, but a family.” This is sad to me, yet this lyric points to my belief that every human being is created to love and be loved. Therefore, at the core of the billionaire, the millionaire or the working class guy or gal there rests a commonality, a weight, to experience love.
When I was a teenager, I, like many other girls dreamed of the prince charming guy, rolling up with Levi’s on and the promise of the white picket fence. I can vividly recall pitching this white picket fence idea to my first love. He would snicker at my dream, like hmm?!? And, I would gaze into his eyes, like umm!!! Despite our youth and lack of agreement, I seriously believed that we could “make it last forever,” in my best Keith Sweat voice! Well, my fanciful high hopes for my teenage thug love were quickly terminated. Although, the relationship fizzled, the core of my desire to be in a loving relationship was still alive and well. Unfortunately, I wrongly placed my desire to be loved on Mr. Gansta, Mr. Wangsta and Mr. Pranksta. I can laugh now, but gosh living it was brutal.
Now, over two decades later, I can reflect back to my teens and say, “Why was I dreaming at such a young age for commitment and the white picket fence?” No offense to my parents, but they didn’t represent an example of commitment and marriage, yet I wanted it! –Huh? In short, I’ve come to learn that the dreams of Mr. Right that were bubbling up out of my heart were more of an internal thing than an external thing. Externally, I wasn’t sure if a man could be trusted for the long term, yet internally there was this pull to do it differently, to dream beyond what my eyes could see.
Well, did mind over matter work? Did my dream come true? Nope, not yet! Instead, I have experienced love in two majorly grand ways: First, the love of God and second, the love of self. Sorry, wish I had at least a firework sound for you, but this is my wonderful truth. Believe me, I use to wish I had the quick love story, like girl, one day I was rushing through an airport and BOOM! Mr. Enchanting popped up and said, “slow-w-w down beautiful.” Nah!!! Instead, my love story has been a hard knocks road to self-discovery, gripped with God’s loving, but heavy hand guiding me to restoration. See, I was so low that I had to cry out to a God that I didn’t really know existed to save me. I was minutes away from depression winning, but God had other plans for me. Hallelujah!!! God said, “not only am I real, but I’m going to reveal myself to you in such a personal and supernatural way that you’ll naturally go tell others.” Like the Samaritan woman at the well, I can’t help but say, “Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did.” (John 4:29)
So, I write today to say thankfully, love has not escaped me…love found me and when it’s time, Mr. Wow will find his Ms. Good Thing.
P.S. This blog was originally posted on www.purplelinencoats.blogspot.com in April 2013, special thanks to Mrs. Tytenisha O. for having me as a guest blogger. Also, don’t forget to share or comment -I’d love to hear from you! 😉