How to Heal from Emotional Abuse (and Relationship Loss)

Even the loss of an emotionally abusive relationship is a loss.

The roller coaster of life can be very unpredictable.

In order to control setbacks, it’s easy to slide into the driver seat to control our destiny. As we aspire to check off accomplishments and experience life at the top, nothing prepares you for the downward spiral of emotional loss.

Goal setting has always been on the top of my list.

Since I was a little girl, I always had an idea of what I wanted to achieve. My plans to attend the university of my choice, to traveling and pursing career goals, and to purchase a brand new home, and drive a luxury car were all being checked off the list. As I attained material possessions, along with being in my opinion, in the perfect relationship; I thought my life was in a grand place.

Then the months began to roll by, and I started to sense, my life, the life I painted was not a Picasso.

I was on a path of self-destruction and God was pleading in the spirit realm for me to LET GO. Hearing the voice of God, I can admit to ignoring God’s plea. The tighter I held onto my painted Picasso, the worse things became. I dreaded to go through the pain emotionally. I knew by letting go of my “perfect relationship” it would like a death. I still wanted to be in control.

But, it was hard to control the uncontrollable.

As the verbal and emotional abuse continued, YES, I wasn’t being physically abused, but my mental and emotional was under attack. My reflection in the mirror was of a woman who was lost and in despair. Click here to learn the characteristics of emotional abuse.

Yet, my life was geared around catering to this one person despite the abusive treatment.

My rock bottom was when God helped my father sense in the spirit that something was gravely wrong. My father spoke life and a future back into my feeble soul, which gave me the strength to let go of my life’s “Picasso” blueprint. I have learned from that experience that I did not value myself and was attracting those who didn’t value there life as well.

The loss of that relationship was a gain for my personal wellbeing.

The promises of God are being restored to give me a hope and a future. I have been forced to stand in the mirror and peel back the layers of who God says I am. Not only saying that I am beautifully and wonderfully made in his image, but actually believing it! Loving myself enough to walk away from anything that is contrary to the word of God.

I choose joy not pain, life not death.

Stepping into the next dimension of destiny is never easy. You may pout like a child wanting that special toy or nag continuously asking “Are we there yet?”, but God knows the perfect timing of His plans. As I travel the path of divine order, instead of checking off personal goals I choose to live on PURPOSE.

To get through the process and healing from loss, trust that God will never take anything away from you that is a key part of HIS WILL for your life. Surround yourself around those that love you and want the best for you; isolating yourself is detrimental to your growth. Talk to friends and family that you trust that will be a support system. Finally, it is a journey. Not a sprint. Cry if you need to. Embrace all of the emotions of grief. Joy does eventually come in the morning.

Remember: While you grieve over the loss of a relationship, God is behind the scenes preparing you for a NEW season.

God is always there reminding us in His word to…

“”Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” ~Matthew 11:28 NIV

I am no longer in the driver seat of life and have chosen to become a passenger. Life on this side has been sweeter. God’s plans are better than my own.


~XO, Dennean Handfield, Author of Journey to Wholeness

Dennean! Thank you, thank you, thank you for being the #ShesEngaged Featured Woman for August AND for speaking up about the emotional abuse you experienced. I love how God used your father’s voice to help you LET GO. Ladies (and Gents)! If you can relate to Dennean’s story and need to get out click here to reach the Domestic Violence Hotline or maybe you’re out of the relationship, but you haven’t healed within, CLICK HERE to learn additional ways to heal from emotional abuse.

On September 25th, Phylicia L. Henry, MBA and Tiffany Wilson, M.Div. are partnering to bring you The Release: It’s Time to Let Go & Walk in Your Anointing. If you’ve been impacted by Relationship Hurt or can’t seem to Forgive yourself or another for their offense, this transformative afternoon of Prayer, Worship & Breakthrough is for you!! Don’t miss this! CLICK HERE to register.



By | 2017-02-28T15:33:47+00:00 August 23rd, 2016|blog|0 Comments

Leave A Comment