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ABOUT TIFFY TALKS

Tiffany Wilson, M.Div is an Author, Coach, Speaker, and also the Founder and CEO ofTiffyTalks LLC. For 15 years, Tiffany previously worked in Sales, where ten of those years were spent with an industry leading Consumer Packaged Goods company.

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10 LATEST ARTICLES

How to Possess Everything God Has for You Like Joshua

Are You Being Passive Aggressive in Real Life or on Social Media

5 Critical Missteps Single Women Make, And How to Avoid Them

5 Women Share the Benefits of Spending Time Alone with God

5 Things to Do When Nothing Seems to Be Going Right

10 Secrets to Success God’s Way

How to Build Your Faith When Life Isn’t Going As Planned

7 Ways Low Self-Esteem Blocks You From the Promises of God

The Black Love Crisis: What Do Single Black Women Do in the Meantime

6 Books Guaranteed to Get Your Heart & Mind Happy This Summer

Full Articles

How to Build Your Faith When Life Isn’t Going As Planned

Right now, the hot button in my life is faith.

Living it out. Thinking about it. Wrestling with it. And, eventually having to go out and teach it.

I’m not sure if this happens to you too? Does God challenge you to face situations or to go through a set of circumstances in order to better understand whatever it is you’re praying about or for?

Well, I’m most certainly sure I’m being stretched to “#GetEngaged” with new and hard to understand aspects of faith.

I’ll share some of what I’ve learned as of lately in this article, I’ll also invite you to join me for a virtual bible study titled, “Work Your Faith in the Meantime,” on September 7 @ 8pm EST.

So, what is faith?

Hebrews 11:1 is the common biblical reference of faith.

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” (NIV)

Faith in Greek [πίστις] is pronounced pistis and it means to come to trust, to be persuaded to believe.

For believers, faith is motivated by divine persuasion to trust, and to be transformed along the way by what God says will indeed happen. It’s not something that we can conjure up on our own.

Faith is strongly related to confidence. However, our confidence is built in God, and is fueled by Divine insight, and the expectation of the promise or vision. Therefore, we show up day after day because we’re persuaded to believe what God promises or says is true.

Does that make sense? If not, keep reading maybe you’ll gain more than you expected.

Faith is a supernatural gift given by God.

I already hinted to our inability to make ourselves have faith. The fueler or source of faith is God. Without God, you won’t be persuaded to believe beyond your own capabilities, strength and willpower. I know this might ruffle a feather, but you don’t need faith to do what you can do. Rick Warren talks about this in more detail in this article, “God Gives You a Dream to Build Your Faith.”

Faith is a fruit of the Spirit that helps us to participate in achieving more than we could ever think or imagine.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.” ~Galatians 5:22-23

When you say, “I have faith,” it’s comparable to saying, “I have God.” And, to know this for yourself, in your heart, can be incredibly empowering! It may sound strange in our ultra independent American culture, but you are not expected to do faith on your own.

God wants you to lean on Him and a community that will support you in your faith.

Therefore, you and I must intentionally communicate and relate with God in order to receive wisdom and understanding on who to be (identity), what to do (purpose), and on how to exercise our measure of faith (action), regardless how big or small (Luke 16:10).

Faith must be exercised in order to be increased.

Like, the sheepherder turned king, David, before he fought the giant, Goliath, he fought a bear and a lion and defeated them both (see 1 Samuel 17:34-35).

You may or may not be familiar with the Inner Circle, click here to learn more about this faith-based community for women, but during our group coaching time, I like to use biblical examples to help the women see beyond what they currently see. I told Inner Circle member, Adrianne, this:

David’s faith and confidence was built up privately, behind the scenes, before he exercised his faith publicly.

I know we live in a world that broadcasts, overshares and uploads “instastories,” I’m definitely an Instagrammer, but faith isn’t an instamoment. Faith is forming within you long before the public gets to see.

David was prepared in his heart to defeat Goliath. He didn’t need his brothers or King Saul to believe in him or to build him up. David knew he stood a great chance at defeating Goliath because he already exercised faith with the bear and the lion.

Faith will have you taking risks and doing out of the ordinary things with conviction.

David didn’t start off with a Goliath assignment. He was built up in God to receive the Goliath assignment, to stand up when the opportunity presented itself, and to literally kill it!

If you’re thinking you’re not like David. Don’t feel down or ashamed for the measure of faith you have now. Let God see you through each measure (Romans 12:3).

Faith will require you to dig deep and be proactive.

There are crucial times in life, when it will work in your favor to dig deep and be proactive, in order to draw a line (set boundaries), guard your heart (protect your core) or stand up for who God says you are (defend your territory).

Your faith is no different. You gotta proactively engage your faith to realize every promise God has in store for you.

The woman with the issue of blood had to dig deep, get up and get out in order to get healed (see Mark 5:24-34).

Her measure of faith fueled her to press her way through an unfriendly crowd of people. People who were vexed by the sight of her and her issue. She could have let shame or intimidation stop her. Instead, she extended herself and fought for the vision of living her life, free from that 12 year battle.

How OR when will you dig deep and be proactive in order to see faith activated in your life? How about in your love life?

Are you tired of hearing about other people’s breakthrough stories? Do you follow actress, Meagan Good and her hubby on social media? If so, do you wonder how faithfully waiting for your version of Boaz would work out for you? Maybe you’ve been secretly battling an issue that you want completely out of your life, but the thought of exercising faith in this matter scares you?

This year, I was hit by a cloud of fear that threatened to eclipse my faith.

The fear was building upon this thought: How are you trying to take women where you’ve never been? [This is a lie, by the way.]

Yes, I’m single, nor engaged to be married, yet I encourage women to #GetEngaged, build a solid relationship with self and God, so their journey from singleness to marriage will be fulfilling and fulfilled, not depressing and dry.

For several weeks, the doubts and fears were trying to wipe me, and my work out. Then one day, my spiritual mind kicked in.

Like, wait, dig deep and be proactive! God is not the author of anxiety and confusion. I was clearly being motivated to focus on the wrong things, by the wrong source. With God’s help, I was led to reclaim my history of faith. And, review the dream and vision(s) that fueled my faith in the first place.

The truth is I’m not a matchmaker. However, I am a confidence builder, mindset shifter, and soul healer. When a woman accepts herself and cuts out the deadness in her life, attracting and accepting a healthy love is more likely.

If you’re done being bullied by doubts, fears, insecurities or the evil one, I suggest you consider applying these steps.

Here’s what I did to get my faith up and my focus back:

  • Fasted as led
  • Prayed daily (and also asked those in my community to pray with me)
  • Recalled the history of my relationship with God. I went back to the inception of TiffyTalks, and retraced my faith steps.
  • Read up on people in the bible who exercised faith, imperfectly, like Abraham and Sarah

Is faith a hot button for you too? Let us know where you’re stuck or succeeding in your faith below. Also, join me on September 7 @ 8pm EST to continue the conversation on faith, CLICK HERE to be added. This is a virtual bible study, please don’t wait until the last minute to gain access.

With Love + Purpose,

P.S. Are you disappointed with the dating scene? Do you doubt if marriage will happen for you? Wish your faith was stronger in this area of your life? The Inner Circle could be what you need to improve your perspective and journey from singleness to marriage, which includes how you date. Don’t miss this! CLICK HERE for details. [Early bird ends 9/1]

 

7 Ways Low Self-Esteem Blocks You From the Promises of God

Based on the definition below, if you had to rank yourself, where would you fall on the self-esteem scale? On the high or low end?

Self-esteem refers to the positive (high self-esteem) or negative (low self-esteem) feelings that we have about ourselves. We experience the positive feelings of high self-esteem when we believe that we are good and worthy and that others view us positively. We experience the negative feelings of low self-esteem when we believe that we are inadequate and less worthy than others. ~Dr. Charles Stangor

I just bumped into an old colleague from Altria. The company I worked at for 10 years prior to the whole leap of faith, get a Divinity degree, self-employment, launch TiffyTalks.com thing.

You ever know you know someone’s face, but you can’t quite recall their name or where you know them from?

That happened to me. I was like, “I know I know you, but can you please tell me how?!”

She said, “Look at the vehicle!” I’m like, “Okay, yes you work with such-n-such…the company car gave it away.” I still couldn’t recall her name, but I did tell her,”Wow! You have a great memory.”

She said, “You had an impact on me.” —“Really?” I said, “What did I do?”

Okay, I’ll stop right here. I won’t bore you with our back and forth conversation.

I do want to emphasize her words: You had an impact on me.

Now, I want you to think about how you’re impacting others? What are the common ways that people describe you? What words come to mind? Keep them close! These could be clues that speak to your strengths and purpose.

She went on to tell me, whether I believed it back then or not, I seemed really certain about who I was and sure of myself, like I knew what I wanted. What I heard her saying is; I exuded a certain level of confidence and the way I carried myself positively impacted her as a woman.

I believe God sends each of us a trail of signs to help us get who we are and who we’re meant to be.

The question is how engaged are you in reading the signs? And, how confident are you to believe that God cares that much to communicate personally with you?

Truth is, back then, I wasn’t as confident on the inside as I am today, but I receive her perception of me. Why? Because I’ve received those same sentiments from multiple people throughout my life.

It’s no surprise to me that I was led on a trail, to work at Altria, to take a leap of faith, to go to Seminary (ahh, wait, Seminary was a stretch for me!), to write inspirational articles and books on faith, relationships and self-love, to speak and coach women on tuning inward, to strengthen their spiritual and personal power to love and be loved.

All the signs in my life have been pointing me towards everything I’m doing today.

But, here’s what I’ve come to learn…

If you have low self-esteem or if you don’t think you’re worthy of goodness or happiness, you’ll brush off compliments and possible signs that God wants you to get. Instead of living out your strengths and pursuing your purpose, you’ll be stuck and unsure about yourself, and which direction to take.

I totally received those compliments from my old colleague because I wanted to hear if she was going to share a Divine nugget that I needed to hear. [ God does speak through people, right? ] I didn’t brush her off or talk over her. I was all ears. Like please, do tell!

I was expecting good or God to come out of our encounter.

Do you get where I’m going with this? Those with low self-esteem struggle to believe “the good” that someone says about them, and therefore may miss out on the God happenings in their life.

We can’t settle for this. 

We must take time to checkin with ourselves, to uncover our insecurities and ask God to help us improve areas of our self-esteem that can prevent us from experiencing and engaging life fully (John 10:10). Check out these low self-esteem indicators that can block the promises of God.

7 Ways Low Self-Esteem Blocks You From the Promises of God

  1. You can’t receive compliments. You’re unaware of the positive threads (or themes) in your life because you don’t know how to take a compliment. God speaks through people, and could be using their words to help you see the signs.
  2. You constantly worry about what people think. Stepping out into new territory or doing something out of the ordinary is difficult, when you’re worried about what people think.
  3. You downplay your strengths and overemphasize your weaknesses. In order to excel in your purpose or get to the promises of God, you must get comfortable with what you do well. Work your strengths and forget your weaknesses.
  4. You act like all is well with you, when it’s not. You struggle to ask for help or prayer, but God created us all to be interdependent. We do life better and achieve the promises of God through people.
  5. You’re emotionally driven and impulsive. James 1:5-8 urges us to be thoughtful and not double-minded. When you’re unsure about yourself and God speaking to you, your decision making suffers.
  6. You personalize things too much. In order to see past things, and lock in on the promises of God, you have to get comfortable with this truth: it’s not about you.
  7. You linger too long in bad situations and relationships. The ability to move on is a great quality, especially when God directs you to do so. The inability to detach yourself from unhealthy people, or to switch gears or careers, makes obtaining the promises of God impossible to acheive. 

I thanked my old colleague for stopping me to say hello. Her kind words were a nice reminder to continue being who I am, and to stay engaged with the path I’m on. What about you? What are your thoughts about self-esteem and how it connects to God’s promises being fulfilled? Comment below.

With Love + Purpose,

P.S. You don’t have to continue questioning yourself, and your singleness. You can make the right step for you. Your mind, body and soul needs renewing, join us at the #GetEngaged Retreat for Single Women. Your confidence will increase and your love life will never be the same. [ There’s space for 5 more women. ] Click here to register!

The Black Love Crisis: What Do Single Black Women Do in the Meantime

Black women who desire to relate with and love black men, don’t have it easy!  [ Click here to review statistical data on African American marriages. ]

The other day, I was in line at a convenience store, waiting to purchase a needed Red Bull, when I overheard a very put together grandmother talking to the teller about her grandson.

The teller said, “Oh you’re buying this for your grandchild?” The woman said, “Yes, he’s the youngest of four grandchildren. He’s spoiled and he lives with me.” She went on to say, “So does my son!”

At this point, my eyes started to twinge and roll around in my head.

By now, stylish grandma is done purchasing her things and is semi trying to get me engaged in her conversation with the teller about her grown son who lives with her. But, I wasn’t interested in engaging her, plus I know my perspective. It’s anti-grown-men-living-at-home-with-momma.

She continued to say, “He left me for 6 months once and then he called me and said, mom, I’m coming home!” She said, “He’s been with me ever since.”

Get this: “He’s 53 years old.”

She went on to say, “He goes out to see his lady friends or goes to a hotel, but he doesn’t bring them back to my house. I don’t have that at my place.” I’m thinking to myself, well at least you set that boundary, but what about him being 53 years old and still living at home with you (with child)?

Let me stop here and be very clear about my biases.

I’m an African American woman. I’ve witnessed multiple black men who’ve been provided for and treated like children by their oftentimes “take charge,” yet compliant mothers. Unfortunately, too many of “these men” grew up without a father present or a reliable example of what it means to be a man, father or leader, which has left them inapt to lead their own families and in many instances disinterested.

In a nutshell, I’ve dated this guy and I’m related to this guy. I know him too well, and it’s troubling to watch “these men” not rise to a certain level of manhood and responsibility. As humans, we are designed by God to create, flourish and reach our full capacity to love and be loved.

The Apostle Paul reminds us of the importance of developing, growing, progressing…

“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” ~1 Corinthians 13:11 NIV

I think I’ve made it clear: I don’t support the grown man at home with momma scenario, and how it contributes to the belittling of the black man’s image and breakdown of healthy interactions between black male and female relationships, but I get it.

The oppression and injustices the black community has endured over the years has negatively impacted all black peoples’ identity, confusing our roles, as well as hindering the black man’s position in the community and family. However, all is not lost. With God’s help, the true identity of “these men,” and of all people, can be revitalized and restored.

Dr. A. R. Bernard, Pastor of Christian Cultural Center in Brooklyn, NY states…

“When a man is the man that God designed him to be it, liberates the woman to be who God designed her to be.” Click here to watch his full interview on the Traits of a Real Man.

But, here’s the thing ladies: given the state of our communities, it’s unwise to begrudgingly or passively wait in the wings for God to awaken the man to himself, or to naively think a man who has yet to know what it means to be “mature, consistent or decisive” (in Dr. A.R. Bernerd’s words) can and will foster your liberation.

Despite what social media or Walt Disney promotes, wholeness doesn’t come through a man, a BAE, or a hubby, it comes through God (John 10:10).

If you’ve ever attempted to be fulfilled through a relationship, then you know what I mean. Whether we like it or not, God has hardwired humanity to be reliant on Him for fullness of life and love (John 15:5). Yes, I agree with Dr. Bernard, “When a man is the man God designed him to be, it liberates the woman to be who God designed her to be.”

However, what do women do in the meantime?

While men are working out their identity, where does that leave women? And, for the sake of this article, where does it leave black women, who are waiting for black men to come to themselves (to be leaders, partners and husbands)?

I believe black women have a divine dual role and responsibility. I’ll explain this in greater detail.

First, let me say this, too many women I know or have worked with are frustratingly waiting for their “Boaz” to come and/or are cursing their singleness season because they believe their best life is contingent upon having a man, a BAE, or a husband. It’s not, but a woman’s natural and normal desire for a man (intimacy, security, companionship) can make it feel like without a “man, BAE or hubby” her life is without meaning or beauty.

Again, it’s just not true. There’s joy, significance and power associated with your life, right now. Whether you’re single or not, when you accept yourself, get God’s everlasting love for you and align with the authentic flow for your life (and not resist it) a beautiful life is what you’ll have.

As women, we do have to contend with this biblical truth…

In Genesis 3:16, God provides us with a warning that we shouldn’t overlook. Due to the sins of Adam and Eve, we are left to bear this burden…

To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” 

The highlighted part of this Scripture is letting us know, we will have a natural longing for a man (our husbands), yet we will struggle internally because we’ll know that we have the ability to run over him, but it’s God’s instruction for the husband to rule the household, not the wife.

This tension is real, especially for the black woman whose been raised to make it happen, be self-sufficient, and a superwoman of sorts.

Now, back to the question: What do “black women” do in the meantime?

First, it’s imperative that black women #GetEngaged with the fullness of who we are in God, limits and all. Despite what our aunties, mommas and grand-mommas modeled and taught us, we can’t do everything. We are suffering emotionally, mentally and relationally because of an “I got this! and I’m good!” mentality. We must embrace our limitations, and learn to rely on God’s omnipotence, strength and supernatural grace to lead us into harmony with ourselves and with others, including black men.

It’s difficult to fulfill the command to “love your neighbor as yourself,” when you don’t like or love yourself.

It starts with exhaling, facing yourself and admitting you can’t continue to do it all on your own. Also, being intentional about prioritizing “me” time and prayer time, as well as time to listen, to learn God’s voice in your life. Who does God say you are?

There’s no need to fear your capacity to grow emotionally, mentally and spiritually, because our communities and families need our overall growth.

This kind of vulnerable, “God-centered” growth I’m referring to, will increase your level of self-awareness, self-love, confidence and compassion for self and others, yet tame the temptation within you to rule over the man (or BAE), but specifically your husband (read Genesis 3:16 again). Instead of ruling over the man, your essence will inspire him to take his rightful place as a leader and provider.

Second, as you come to a higher view of yourself as a black woman, pray for black men to #GetEngaged with God and self too! Stop engaging men on low levels, i.e. Netflix and chill, sexcapades, situationships, etc. If you know you’re worth more than flighty encounters, stand up for you. If you know there’s more “promise” in the brother beyond what he’s giving off, influence him towards what is good and God, without compromising your body or values (Philippians 4:8).

Praying corporately for the black man’s successful journey to himself and to forming his own home-life as a leader, an intellectual, a provider, a creative, a father and a man of God is key.

Does this seem unfair to black women? Like we have to bear a lot of responsibility, on top of the various responsibilities we have already?!

Yes, of course, but with God’s help, we can do all things (Philippians 4:13) without killing ourselves or emasculating “these men.”   Black men are needed. We need God to awaken our love for ourselves and for one another.

Did this article speak to you? I’d love to hear your take on this topic? Please comment below.

With Love + Purpose,

P.S. If you’re a woman who knows you need to take time out for you, to evaluate where you are with self-care, dating and love, consider joining us at the #GetEngaged Retreat for Single Women, August 12 +13. Special guest, Rev. Stacey Hamilton of Pleasantville, NJ has been added. Don’t miss this life changing opportunity! Special code expires July 23 @ 11:59pm EST. Click here for registration details.

 

6 Books Guaranteed to Get Your Heart & Mind Happy This Summer

How’s your heart? What about your mind? Would you describe them as happy or healthy?

Have you been through a rough patch with love? Maybe, despite how hard you try, your mind continues to race about things you’d prefer not to think about?

This Summer, I’m encouraging you to do something that will make your heart and mind happy; consider picking up some good reads.

Hear me out. Why not kick off the Summer with a great reading list? 

I’m currently in the middle of the ‘Let Your Light Shine’ 5 Day Fasting & Prayer Challenge. During our evening prayer call time, one of the women asked a really good question, we were talking about being “counter-cultural” as women of Faith:

As it pertains to “being counter-cultural,” dealing with fear, dealing with anxiety–How to stand in faith/God when there is so much that pulls at our attention?–and even our identities? How do we stand strong in what God calls us while facing (or maybe even addressing) the real day to day challenges of our realities? There is so much going in the country and the world, real pain, real hurt, real injustice. How do we approach balance or what is the balance? -Ms. Ahhz

Part of my response included this: Consider what you’re chewing on?

What are you watching and listening to? Who are you entertaining and following? Where do you spend most of your time and doing what? The continual challenge for all people of Faith is to be in this world, but not of it, to be a resident of this world, but a change agent for God (and this looks differently for every believer). 

It’s important to be mindful of this though: The world thrives on fear. The believer thrives on faith.

Fear is fought by assurance, confidence and faith.

Assurance that you’re not alone in life because God is always there desiring to relate and point you in the best direction, which will lead to your ultimate good. Confidence that your life matters and so does your contribution to this world. Faith that your reliance on to God is a big deal, a collaboration that will result in an earthly and heavenly harvest.

Therefore, what you chew on matters.

Feasting on fearful images and ideologies won’t result in internal peace, happiness or joy. Instead, it will stir up anxiety, stress and even sickness within, causing you to overreact. Overreacting comes from an insecure space, not a secure space.

God desires for you to be secure.

King Solomon’s words of wisdom to guard our hearts, above all else is brilliant (Proverbs 4:23). Your heart dictates your actions. Who and what you love gets your time and resources (i.e. money). Can you see why the world would continue to feed you fear over contentment? And, the Apostle Paul’s instruction to be engaged with the process of renewing our minds is key to being in the world, yet not of it.

The mind is where we ponder and determine which ways to act, go, do, love or not to love. This article, 6 Tips for Overcoming Negative Self-Talk breaks down biblical ways on how to renew your mind.

This article is my attempt to help feed your heart and mind with positive food.

All good reads that will weigh heavily on the scale of getting your emotional and mental happy levels up. More importantly, you’ll be more balanced within to engage all of life.

6 Books Guaranteed to Get Your Heart & Mind Happy This Summer:

  1. Colliding with Destiny by Sarah Jakes-Roberts. Are you single and wondering where your Boaz is or where your place is in this world? This book is a good one, and an easy read to take with you at the beach.
  2. Breaking Old Rhythms by Amena Brown. The title is true to this book’s content. Are you thinking something has to change in your life? As a Spoken Word Artist, Amena takes readers through bits and pieces of her faith story, and weaves examples of God’s way of helping us break old habits for new ways of being.
  3. The Happiness Equation by Neil Pasricha. This is the ultimate on the flight read, which is where I read most of it. It’s not a “spiritual” book, and it doesn’t have to be because this author does a good job walking you through interesting data on happiness. An audio version book on this one is a definite win!
  4. Living Courageously by Joyce Meyer. Joyce always hammers you with why anxiety and fear can’t beat God’s love and power, and follow ups with Scripture to prove her point. Get beyond feelings of doubt or worry with this book.
  5. #GetEngaged with Yourself & Win! 12 Keys to Unlocking the Life & Love You Desire by (me) Tiffany Wilson. Being called to do something new isn’t easy, but you can lean on your faith and quiet your fears to do it? This book will help you see what’s really holding you back from leaping? It breaks down the common fears of change, making it easier for you to take steps towards the life and love you desire most.
  6. The Holy Bible. This book just works and it breathes life! Get your hands on a Bible that’s easy to throw in your bag and pull out at the beach. Yes, I said it. The beach. There are stories in the Bible that will speak to where you are right now. Single? Interested in marriage readiness; read the Book of Ruth. Struggling with your decision making; read the Book of Proverbs. Wonder if God really cares about you; read about how Jesus related and dealt with the needs of people in the Book of Matthew.

Have you already read some of these books? If so, please share your thoughts. If not, grab one or a few and let me know how your happy level increases this Summer.

With Love + Purpose,

P.S. The #GetEngaged Retreat for Single Women is happening August 12 + 13 in Hunt Valley, MD. Don’t miss this opportunity to kick back and get out of your head about your love life. I can’t wait to help you shake off any insecure vibes & turn on your confident vibes, so you can be positioned & ready for the love of your life. Click here for registration details!

3 Signs That Self-Care Is In Order

What is it about self-care that turns us devoted and hard working women off?

Taking grandma to her doctor appointments, overtime on the job, trying to gain entry into a coveted degree program, caring for children, the work of ministry, and on and on and on; you know the drill. Some may even remark about your abilities with words like Superwoman, Go Getter, and Multitasker.

The ability to do all and to be every woman because “It’s all in me” comes at a price.

Have exhaustion and weariness become your standard mode of operating? Have you been pouring out pouring out and pouring out some more until you’ve got nothing left?

To give and to serve are dear to the heart of God.

Repeatedly Jesus gave and served. But we also see Him break away from the crowds to reflect, restore and refresh so that He could then reengage from a place of power and strength. Have you embraced self-care as part of your wellness routine?

Here are 3 signs that self-care may be in order:

  1. Physically and Emotionally Done! You go to bed tired and wake up just as tired so you trudge through the day feeling defeated. You’re close to the edge and if someone says or does just one more thing you just might lose it.
  2. Mental Fatigue. Your mind is so tired with all of the thoughts racing through it. And because your mind is overloaded you can be short tempered, irritable and edgy. Things that you used to have a high tolerance for now are now jarring to your system.
  3. Hopeless and Helpless. You’ve done so much for others for so long that frankly you’re starting not to care. You’ve become detached and may not answer phone calls or return texts. You may ask yourself questions like “Why do I even bother?” “Does anyone see what I’m doing here?” You may even be a bit cynical, jaded and resentful.

Oh my friend, I have known this place all too well.

As a mother of six, I’ve poured out. As a wife I’ve poured out. Being a ministry leader I’ve poured out. As a daughter I’ve pour out. As a friend I’ve poured out. Pouring out until I was left depleted. UNTIL! That was until I was set free by this powerful revelation that the Father invites us to enter into His rest.

Settle this in your spirit…Self-care is NOT selfish.

Self-care is essential for mind, body and spirit wellness. And it is God’s desire that you are well and not merely well but are prospering in health (3 John 1:2).

Beloved, God invites you to enter His rest.

So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, for whoever has entered God’s rest has also rested from his works as God did from his. Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience. ~Hebrews 4:9-11

Self-neglect, self-martyrdom, and self-sabotage are not God’s desire for you.

After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. ~Ephesians 5:29-30

You know the airline saying, “In the event of an emergency, please put on your oxygen mask before assisting others”. You’d not only be doing yourself a disservice but will also be less effective in serving others if you have not practiced some form of self-care. So how can you honor and nurture yourself?

Here are some small steps you can take right away:

  • Breathe. Yes breathe. Become aware of your breath. Take long, intentional breaths. Feel your chest expand as it fills. The breath of life was one of God’s first gifts to man. Behold that special gift.
  • Do one thing a week that brings you joy; a long bath, read a book, go for a walk, and get outside.
  • Honor your temple through exercise, nourishment and rest.

Remember those 3 signs that self-care may be in order? Do something about that. Self-care empowers you to be physically, mentally and emotionally present so that you can actively engage in your relationships. Beloved, today embrace YOU and behold self-care. Click here for a list of other useful self-care tips.

What one thing will you do TODAY to practice self-care? 

As always, it is my prayer that you’ve been Inspired To Live Fully! ~Tyra Lane-Kingsland (pictured above)

P.S. If you’re in need of taking some invaluable time to honor your temple and draw closer to God, consider joining the FREE ‘Let Your Light Shine’ 5 Day Fasting & Prayer Challenge. Click here to RSVP!


Guest Blogger: Tyra Lane-Kingsland is no stranger to inspiring hearts. From tending the hearts of her husband and six children to her role as a Women’s Ministry Leader, speaker and blogger, Tyra has provided encouragement to countless women. Tyra is the author of the new book, Purposeful Parenting. You can find her providing inspiration @ www.inspiredtolivefully.com Please check her out on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter!

8 Signs You Need to Walkaway from an Unhealthy Relationship

Walking away from an unhealthy relationship should be relatively easy, right? Well, it isn’t, especially for those who don’t have a high sense of self-esteem or self-worth.

We all know someone whose been in an unhealthy relationship at one time or another, right?

In your neighborhood, at college or on the job? Maybe, it was you? The hard truth is a few of you will read this article and remain in a relationship that’s hurting you more than helping you. Why? Because you don’t get how beautiful, how valuable and how loved you are, right now.

How do I know? Because I was there.

I was in my late twenties, which quickly turned into my early thirties and I was in a relationship, tolerating subtle and not so subtle disrespect from a guy I loved. Despite how I tried to spin it in my mind, this guy’s overall actions didn’t show me love in return. Not the kinda love I desired and deserved. Had his actions been loving and reciprocal, I wouldn’t have eventually walked away. But the kicker is, had I truly understood my worth, I would’ve nipped his mistreatment of me in the bud.

But, I didn’t.

It took me awhile, 5 years to be exact, to muster up the courage to walkaway, and many more years to be good with myself and my singleness.

Why did I stay so long?

There’s so many reasons, but mostly because I didn’t know how beautiful I was, how strong I was and how loved I was.

In addition to not getting my self-worth, I didn’t know God or God’s love for me.

I wasn’t schooled by older women on how to navigate the ups and downs of romantic love. What should or shouldn’t I tolerate? How do I address yellow flags before they become red flags? Instead, I learned about love by watching what I saw around me growing up, which was inconsistent messaging: A mix of stable and tumultuous relationships.

The most important relationship, that of my parents, would err on the tumultuous side too.

The environment I was raised in no doubt left an imprint on me, but it didn’t have to be the blueprint for my life. Thankfully, through my relationship with God, the Holy Spirit has guided me to release what no longer serves me and to grab hold of what I need to know as it pertains to love and life. The Holy Spirit is continually helping to fill in my love and wisdom gaps.

Do you feel like you just didn’t get started on the right foot with this love thing? Like it’s always escaping you?

Well, time is still on your side. Like me, you can learn from your past and choose to take a better path.

“Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow.” ~Psalm 25:4 NLT

The counsel of the Lord has changed the course of my life. Now, I value myself. I have a broader understanding of love. My creativity is alive and well, and I expect meaningful things to happen for others and throughout my life.

I’ve learned from experience and coaching others, when women begin to gain clarity and confidence, the odds of starting or staying in an unhealthy relationship decreases significantly, if not completely.

This article, 10 Things Confident People Do Differently In Dating & Relationships gives prime examples on how being confident vs. insecure impacts dating and relationships.

For example: Did you know that when you’re not connected to your beauty, when you don’t get your worth or can’t comprehend how loved you are, right now –regardless of what you have or don’t have, the conversation within yourself is more than likely, anti-you? None of us should settle for the overly aggressive negative self-talk.

I hope this list of signs inspires you to checkin with who you are and checkout what you need and don’t need in a relationship.

8 Signs You Need to Walkaway from an Unhealthy Relationship

1. You’re being emotionally, physically or spiritually abused. If you are being emotionally broken down, physically abused or if he/she uses God to control you, you have a right to exit this kind of relationship. Please contact (888)223-1111, if you need assistance getting out.

2. You make excuses for their unacceptable behavior. Despite how bad he acts out or negatively he treats you, you somehow find a way to excuse his ugly ways. Instead of addressing his indiscretion or unacceptable behavior, you remind yourself of his strengths.

3. You continue to overcompensate for his lack of love. Instead of addressing his anti-relationship antics and unloving actions, you find yourself trying to do more for him to prove that you’re “the one” for him.

4. You don’t expect him to show up for you when you need him the most. If you’re sick or in desperate need, do you prefer to call a friend over him? Do you err against leaning on him to avoid being disappointed again?

5. You text him instead of call to avoid being being rejected. Deep down inside you don’t you don’t believe you’re a priority in his life. You don’t think he wants to be bothered or will answer your calls.

6. You don’t feel comfortable mentioning God or anything faith related in his or her presence. In order to avoid heated conversations, you keep your faith to yourself. You might even go as far as hiding your Bible or devotional when he comes around.

7. You constantly feel drained after spending time with him. Relationships have ebbs and flows, but if the flow is more depleting of your energy than renewing, it could be time to check out.

8. Your relationship serves no purpose, besides good sex! You’re compromising your time, body and your values. You’re emotionally torn on why you tolerate their nonsense, yet secretly you know it’s because you’re sexually bound to this person. If you remove the sex, you two have nothing in common.

Did this article drive down your street? If so, we’d love to hear how, please comment below. Would you prefer to remain anonymous? You can email me directly @ tiffany@tiffytalks.com.

Not really sure where you stand in your dating or relationship life?

If you need a getaway and time to tune into you and the love you desire most, consider joining me and other women who are ready to go for greater this Summer at the #GetEngaged Retreat for Single Women in Maryland! 

CLICK HERE for registration details or visit www.tiffytalks.com!

With Love + Purpose,

P.S. Feel free to share the #GetEngaged Retreat for Single Women promo with your circle of friends. It’s going to be transformational!

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