Other People’s Success Isn’t the Problem, It’s Your Lack of Focus

The past few weeks, my focus has been way off.

You ever feel like all you want to do is eat, sleep and watch Netflix? Oh, come on somebody, I know I’m not the only one? By the way, a lot of those random foreign films are pretty good and I could watch, Deuces with Lorenz Tate over and over again.

You can judge me!

I need to be perfectly honest with all the creatives, bloggers, vloggers, speakers and women who just have major commitments, like an entire family to love on and manage, if I didn’t take time to address my lack of focus and energy, plus my snippety attitude, I know I would’ve crashed and burned.

Like, how do you delete all of these accounts? Yes. And, thank you.

I had to admit that I needed to really checkin with me, recover my focus and be not dismayed or distracted by the happenings of others.

Let me elaborate on contemplating the success of others.

What I mean is this, if you find yourself trolling through social media and get a prick in your face, mind or heart looking at someone else’s pics, then something ain’t right! What are you annoyed about? Is it envy or jealously? In my case, I was negatively putting my mouth and thoughts on people’s work whose marketing annoys me (it’s a worldly language thing that rubs me the wrong way).

Yes, it’s a waste of energy to cross-examine the work of others. It’s also unhealthy to compare yourself or your work to others. Click here to read a good article on how to compare less.

The truth is my lack of focus and lackluster desire to create, write or inspire had nothing to do with the people I follow on social media. It was all about me, my stuff and my journey.

I had to stop, assess, really rest and pray for a holy rejuvenation.

Please note, prior to this realization, I went on holiday (vacation, I just love saying holiday more) for a week and a half, and it just wasn’t enough. Why? Because I didn’t commit to resting.

I could hear two voices in my head vying for my attention.

One from Dr. Martell, she’s a professor at the Seminary I attended. I could hear her saying, “Don’t forget to use the tools you gained in Seminary!” The other voice was my conscience saying, “You need to walk yourself through the same advice you give others to #GetEngaged.”

I listened to both voices.

If you are emotionally, mentally or spiritually exhausted or you’re beyond frustrated because everyone seems to be winning, but you, I urge you to consider a few things that helped me regain my focus and the wherewithal to be inspired again, to inspire.

Well, like I said, I had to stop.

I had to honor the truth of how drained I felt and how uninspired I really was in that moment. So, I took a handful of days to reconnect with myself and my lovely space. By the way, don’t miss out on how lovely your space is or can be. I cooked for myself and cleaned, like baseboard cleaned a couple of spaces in my apartment. Nothing too strenuous, it was more about being in a clean space, so I could see better.

I asked a friend to pray for me during my time of rest.

In addition to cleansing my environment, I needed to cleanse my inner-self. I prayerfully cleaned up my diet by adding more fruits, veggies and water. When you’re trying to see the unseen, you need all the emotional, physical and spiritual support you can get.

I went back to the Word that rejuvenated me in the past.

I was led to go back to the Book of Job. 10 years ago or so, when I was being overcome with depression, my boyfriend at the time, recommended I read the Book of Job. It was the first book I ever read in the Bible. God used that man to help save my mind and life.

The first four chapters of Job had me laid out. Have you read it?

Job went from all is well to all is hell. His reaction to his pain and suffering is so understandable (and relatable). I urge you to read it, especially if you find yourself in a place where you can’t make sense of your pain or revisit a character in the Bible that gives you life.

I reflected on some questions.

The questions were popping into my mind over the course of a week or so. A few of these questions, I actually took the time to answer: What’s not working? Why am I so irritable? What am I really experiencing in this moment? Is this the onset of burnout or is this a spiritual stirring to stop and evaluate my path? What does God want me to see?

I watched inspirational movies and sermons.

I couldn’t feed on doubt and despair. Instead, I choose to seek inspiration and information that would help me think well. I watched a documentary on Netflix, (good ole Netflix lol) that interviewed dozens of notable preachers, male and female, on how they’ve overcome personal and ministerial trials.

These words stood out to me from Rev. Al Sharpton: “I’m not in charge of the flight.”

Basically, in life there will be a lot of turbulence that comes, but in the end, God is responsible for landing the plane. All you and I can do is brace ourselves through the storms of life and trust God to eventually land the plane.

I deleted social media accounts that genuinely irk me.

I had to have a conversation with myself about a few accounts I follow. Like self, I know she offers great content, but her voice and her brand is what you teach against?! Delete it! Replace those accounts with women and men who inspire you and/or who are apart of your community already.

In the end, I came out rejuvenated and refocused.

Am I 100% today? No ma’am! But, I can see better. Somethings must go, somethings can stay and somethings have to be adjusted. I also must continue to do the things I know work to keep me engaged and focused on my lane. I’m clear, the enemy of my bright future would love for me to quit or lose my race tripping up on people, places and things that don’t matter.

The success of others is not the issue, and never was, my lack of focus is.

I think you get it. It’s all about you. Your journey. Your lane. It’s not about the other woman or man. I’m convinced, when you get in the groove of your lane and work it well, it’s fun and it’s fulfilling.

Did this article hit home for you? If so, let us know how, comment below.

With Love + Purpose,

P.S. Based on the direct messages and emails received, I decided to extend the registration for the next “Dating + Destiny” Inner Circle to Friday, May 12 @ 11:59pm EST. Don’t miss this opportunity to transform how you think about yourself, dating and your irreplaceable destiny. CLICK HERE to join us!

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By | 2017-05-08T21:43:23+00:00 May 9th, 2017|blog|0 Comments

About the Author:

Are you new to TiffyTalks? My name is Tiffany. I reside in Philly, but I'm originally from Boston. I'm Deja's mom, and I enjoy my urbanista lifestyle. The #GetEngaged mission I'm on is simple: I believe when a woman gets engaged with her true self, she's more likely to make better decisions, set boundaries and take risks that bring her closer to the desires of her heart. I'm living proof that getting engaged works! Pull up and enjoy the #GetEngaged articles and resources.

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