When’s the last time you had to deal with a good or bad confrontation?
In preparing to write this blog, I was thinking…
‘Who in the world likes confrontation?’
No one really or at least not many who will verbally admit that they do.
Confrontation is something we all must deal with and ultimately master in a manner that’s beneficial to our growth and maturity. In life we are faced with many issues that calls for us to confront someone we are in relationship with. It could be God, family, friends, spouse, employers, colleagues or even ourselves.
Depending upon the type of individual you are, confrontation can be very difficult. While for others it may seems to be a regular occurrence of everyday life.
What I discovered is that no matter which type of person you are, the form of confrontation that is most difficult is when you have to confront yourself.
Confronting your own issues, mishaps, poor behaviors and ideologies and more can be extremely challenging.
Confronting yourself is the most important form of confrontation. If you can’t confront yourself, you will never be able to confront anyone else in a healthy and proper manner. If you struggle with confronting you, CLICK HERE to receive the free #GetEngaged Pledge tools on confrontation.
In life, we are often times hit with things that cause us to respond in ways that aren’t always very becoming of us. That’s why confrontation makes so many people feel uncomfortable.
Have you ever been in a situation that challenges you in a way that you’ve never experienced before? Maybe an experience that forces you to stand up and be bold about how you feel, think and what you need? If so, it’s okay and it’s normal.
No matter who we are confronting, confrontation is necessary at times and how we go about it is important.
I remember when I had to confront myself regarding how I coped and handed my life after being raped. I found myself in a very destructive pattern of self harm that was leading to a downward spiral.
Confronting myself meant that I had to confront the very issue of rape.
For years I kept silent and pretend as if it didn’t happen, hoping that it would one day disappear. Like many issues, it never disappeared. It just roared its ugly head through my behaviors, thoughts, feeling and interactions with other.
For quite sometime, I thought something was wrong with everyone I came in contact with.
After a series of the same type of situations occurring over and over again, I was forced to see the common factor in each relationship or situation that I deemed an issue was me. At that time, I had to take a moment and confront myself and the issue that caused me to self destruct.
Whom or what do you need to confront today?
Confrontation means either to face a situation that makes you uncomfortable, or to say something to someone about something they’ve done that bothers you.
Question is how do we know when its time to confront something and how do we do that?
Evaluate the issue! Take a moment to sit back and examine your actions, thoughts, feelings and concerns. Evaluate whether it’s something that is an legitimate issue or not? Often times there may be things that arise that you merely perceive to be an issue, but they are solely a product of your perception only — which is often based upon past experiences, insecurity, a spirit of offense or current fears.
Identify who you must confront! Who or what must you address in order to rectify the situation? There could be one person or there could be multiple people or none at all. Take into account who needs to be confronted. Is it someone close to you, a colleague, business partner, church member, family member, yourself or God?
Pray and strategize a plan! How will you confront him or her, when and where will you confront them? Is it a private matter or should it be done in the presence of others?
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.” ~Matthew 18:15-17 NIV
There is a time, tone and turf you must take into consideration when confronting someone. Be sure it’s the right time because timing is everything. What tone of voice will you use? Will it be a condescending tone, an authoritative tone, a sarcastic tone or an even tone? Tone matters if you want someone to hear you out. Also, where will you confront this matter? What’s the best place, neutral territory, public place in a private place? All these factors should be taken into consideration before you set out to confront someone, even yourself!
Now that you have the 3 most important steps to confrontation today. Go out –examine, identify, pray and strategize for your next confrontation. Be honest with yourself and those you hope to confront. Also, remember, confronting yourself is most important. The object of confrontation is to uncover and expose what makes you uncomfortable, while creating a safe space of understanding and restoration.
Its easy as 1,2,3! ~LaQuisha Anthony, Founder – CEO of V.O.I.C.E, Author, Speaker & Voice Coach
In April 2016, I met LaQuisha Anthony at the BeBoldBeBeautyful Luncheon. We were both invited speakers. Her story, heart and advocacy for those impacted by sexual violence drew me to her. The work she’s doing with V.O.I.C.E. ‘Victory Over Inconceivable Cowardly Experiences’ is critical given the amount of voices that never speak up! LaQuisha, you are a #ShesEngaged Woman.
Thanks for being a guest contributor on TiffyTalks.com. If you or someone you know has been impacted by sexual violence, pleaseP connect with LaQuisha on Facebook and Instagram @asurvivorsvoice or CLICK HERE to reach the National Sexual Violence Resource Center.
P.S. The #GetEngaged Academy is launching next month! The first course, “Self-Acceptance is LIFE! A 6 Step Process to Accepting Yourself” will be life changing! You can CLICK HERE to join the Academy list. I’ll send you a free copy of the Self-Acceptance Checklist for joining now.