Gosh! I feel like I should’ve been writing this post when I was face down on my bedroom floor with a nasty mixture of tears and snots dangling from my cheeks. Yea- I know! Not pretty, but true. That’s when I was in the midst of one of my many classic “Why ME?” battles with God. You may know how it goes. Whhhyyyyyy me-eeeehhhhhh God?!? –in a loud roar, followed by and endless flow of tears. Then, if you’re anything like me, you do your best to list, out loud, all of the reasons why you shouldn’t be experiencing what you’re experiencing or better yet, why you shouldn’t be denied what you desire.
Okay, so maybe it’s just me. 😉
When I think back, my heavy heart and frustrated tone towards God was laced with fear and sincere sadness. I was sad because I wanted what I wanted, –a nicely built and communicable husband! –- And, I didn’t want what God wanted, —ME in seminary?!? I barely knew Jesus’ story. How could I go to seminary? And, again—I whaled, Whhhyyyyyy me-eeeehhhhhh God?!? –Ugh.
Fast forward to today, I’ve been in seminary since 2009 and I’m scheduled to graduate May 2015 with a Master’s in Divinity. Whew—Cr–aaazy, yet cool! Did I submit to God’s lead easily? Nope, so-ooo many snotty days and nights, but gradually I could see and sense that God was encouraging me to choose ‘my’ BEST life, over the drudgery of doing life ‘my’ way. Did I ever think S-E-M-I-N-A-R-Y was a part of my BEST life, nah—but it absolutely is!
Now, I have joy and I’m on an adventure, discovering my God given purpose. Maybe, you can you relate? Asking God, why ME? Possibly, you’re just hesitant to follow God’s lead or sad because you’re not getting what you desire out of life –RIGHT NOW? Don’t fret, God’s not puzzled by your uncertainty or afraid of your whys? The truth is saying yes to God’s plan and relinquishing control isn’t easy, especially if CONTROL is your middle name. –Lord, help us.
I definitely don’t want to mislead you. Just because I said yes to seminary, God didn’t go POOF!!! Here’s that husband you’ve been so hype about. Not at all, but slowly my heart’s desires began to shift to what matters most and now peace has flooded my life. I’m trusting God’s infinite wisdom, more and more. It took a while, but today, I truly believe that God is not going to withhold “no good thing” from me (Psalm 84:11) nor from you. Before you beg to differ with me, think about this. The “good thing” just might differ from what you ever had in mind? Like going back to school, working on areas of your character or rebuilding a broken relationship. Basically, traveling down roads that require you to stretch and grow.
Here’s what I know for sure, despite my icky snots, countless tears and melodramatic tantrums, God patiently saw me through and I am better off for it. I may not have the husband or the full picture, but– Oh my! I’m more of who I was created to be all because I started relinquishing control to God.
How about you? How are you making out with relinquishing control? Let me know the good, the bad and the ugly.
P.S. Don’t forget to share or comment -I’d love to hear from you. 😉