Being a woman who knows her identity, worth and has a sense of purpose is attractive and powerful. It can also deter jealousy and envy.
Really — it ROCKS to get who you are and who you’re not! But, it can also be intimidating and frustrating for some onlookers, in and outside your circle of friends. Especially, those who have been possessed by the green-eyed monster, jealousy.
I believe Oprah put it best, “You can’t be friends with someone who wants your life!” I’d like to add to her words of wisdom, “You can’t be friends with someone who wants your life —or your attributes.”
Seriously, behind Oprah’s words I hear the words IDENTITY and PURPOSE ringing in my ears.
I’m finding, the more a person has their identity and sense of purpose in tact, envy and jealousy is less likely to happen.
What is jealousy and envy?
Jealousy is when you resent or sense a threat surrounding another’s achievements or success. Envy is similar, however it zones in on a specific object, for instance: She’s envious of her skin or hair. Envy and jealousy are sneaky critters and most people find it difficult to admit it when they are having a jealous or envious moment, including me.
When you are around other capable, beautiful and stylish women do you feel a tinge of jealousy or envy cropping up within you?
I’ll admit, there’s a sis on Instagram, her sense of style is AHmazing and admirable. As I laugh to myself, I was gawking at her hair and the way she was putting these colorful, unexpected pieces together. Like, yes!!! I didn’t feel jealous looking at her pics, I felt like “Honey-bunny! If you don’t let your whole, entire light shine, who will?”
No, I haven’t mastered the negative emotions of jealousy or envy, but the more I live and grow in self-acceptance, the less I am inclined to be jealous or envious of anyone.
If you can’t identify with ever having a time of jealousy or envy enter your mind or heart, good for you!
Can you at least see how a lack of identity or sense of purpose could cause a person to be more susceptible to episodes of envy? How being overwhelmed by feelings of jealousy makes that person difficult to befriend?
Maybe this will help to paint a better picture…
Think back to a time when you were happily enthralled and focused on your personal development, a special task or a budding relationship. Weren’t you “less likely” to be looking to your left or right at what others were doing or not doing for that matter? Did this new level of focus keep you super preoccupied with accomplishing your personal goal, completing that special task or ensuring that the budding relationship bloomed?
See! There’s something wonderful about having a sense of purpose in your life, like “this is who I AM and this is exactly what I AM supposed to be doing.”
Unfortunately, it can be very challenging to discover your purpose and true identity in a world that doesn’t value introspection or silence. For many, instead of becoming more “self” aware they opt to stare into the lives of others looking for tips or insights for their “self.” Yes, we can and will learn amazing things from other people, like the sis on Instagram who has inspired me to let my light overflow. But, hear this…
…studying another’s life will only make you an expert on that person’s story, not your own.
How do you become stronger and resolute in your identity and purpose? Which will help you to be a better person and friend.
1. Posture your “inner” self towards God. Basically, get centered enough to see what you’re made of. I know this Scripture is heavily quoted, but it’s so amazing to meditate on,
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you…” ~Jeremiah 1:5 NIV
The truth and fascinating aspects of human identity rests with God, not Lucky, Marie Claire or Essence for that matter (but, I do enjoy all of those magazines). So, choose a method to get centered. For me, it’s walking, prayer or silencing myself while at church. For you, it could be Yoga, sitting on a bench or writing. Once you find the route to get closer to your “inner” self (heart, soul, spirit), start asking the tough questions: What do you know about me God? Can you help me see me the way you see me? Why was I created? Will I be married? Should I move? Is this the career for me? Then wait, wait for God to respond.
Eventually, God will respond through an affirmation of yes, no, not now –within you or through multiple confirmations from people. The more you practice silencing your whole being, the more you’ll be able to tap into what’s true and untrue for you.
2. Put the time in to know thyself. Really, discovering you is the best gift you can give you and the world. Self-discovery is amazing! It doesn’t have to be weird or full of vanity. It’s really something that would be great to start in your teens, but if not, it can happen RIGHT NOW!
My definition of “know thyself,” is taking the time to get deeply acquainted with what God says about you, your purpose. Then, taking what you know and delivering it to the world through the full manifestation of everything that is great about you from the inside out.
This level of self-awareness and self-love will resonate throughout your life in extraordinary ways. If you think you’re ugly and unlikable, but God says you’re beautiful and loved (Genesis 1:31), then you must take the time to read up on self-esteem or go to a therapist, whatever it takes to address the root of the lie that’s inside of you. The opposite of God’s truth must be evicted! You can’t leave this earth without exploring what makes you ROCK as a woman. Receive this: You are more than interesting enough to get to know and adore. Please do the “know thyself” work, so you can be able to authentically enjoy life and others more.
3. Please accept what’s truly you, “self” denial hurts you the most. The night me and the girlies went out, I had so much fun because I was expecting a certain someone to crack jokes and I was expecting my sister from another mother to give off her get along with everyone glow. See, relationships just work when everyone plays their part.
I can’t be anyone, but me, and it works for me! Same with you, you can’t stare and stalk your way into being anyone else. Okay, well you could, but that would be crazy and a total loss of your energy and gifts. How sad would that be?
Despite how attractive it looks when she does it in her life, do your best to accept “your self” and how you can get things done with the perks and quirks that come with being you.
If you struggle with this, which is totally understandable in our Insta-famous society, definitely pray for specific guidance in the areas of identity and purpose, as mentioned above. Also, abstain or fast from anything or anyone that makes you feel like being you just isn’t good enough or like you should be more like someone else. Lastly, you can reach out to me for support. I have free and paid resources that can help you achieve more awareness, confidence and self-acceptance.
It may seem too easy to be true, but the more you become accepting and competent on you, the more confident you’ll be in many areas of your life. You’ll also be swifter at recognizing and silencing the green-eyed monster when he tries to get you to compare and compete.
If you want to read more about the difference between envy and jealousy, click here.
I’d love to knowing your identity or not knowing has impacted your life? Make sure you comment below.
With Love + Purpose,
P.S. On April 2nd, the Know Your Worth Brunch is back in Philly and we’ll be discussing how we get in our own way as women. If you’re ready to engage and embrace your light and say goodbye to comparing and competing with anyone, join us! Let’s eat, drink and be inspired.