Maybe, you're reflecting more than usual? If you are, this could be a good thing. January was an emotionally and spiritually straining month. It was full of fiery aspirations for a more resolute New Year, yet dampened by the sobering reality that no human being can escape their date with death.
In all, I could see making plans for your life is good, but having purpose in life reigns supreme.
Last week, I was scrolling through all of the Gianna and Kobe Bryant condolences and highlights on Instagram, and then boom, I see a repost from @aftertheaisle of a woman, Elle Duncan, Sports Anchor for ESPN. She was live on air giving a testimony of who Kobe Bryant was to her, and a conversation she had with him about the possibility of having a boy child, someday.
Her remembrance of Kobe Bryant had me choked up and in tears.
She shared, Kobe said in a nutshell, "having a boy child would be great." However, he was honored to be a #GirlDad. In a world where female bodies aren't valued as highly as male bodies, and having a male seed over a girl seed is highly honored, Kobe Bryant acknowledged that he was purposed to be a father of girls.
This testimonial hashtag #GirlDad is now rippling throughout the country and possibly the world. What's even better, other dads have taken to social media to post endearing images and express their daddy-daughter love.
This is a simple, yet profound example of why purpose is important in life.
"People who know their purpose in life know who they are, what they are, and why they are." -Scarlett Erin, Your 'Why' Matters: The 10 Benefits of Knowing Your Purpose in Life
As you begin to accept and align with purpose, it grows your confidence. It helps you see where you should invest your energy, creativity and intellect. It also illuminates your path, so you can see the most suitable people to befriend, do business with, and date (or marry).
If you watch videos of Kobe Bryant training, speaking or playing ball, it's clear, he was driven beyond his natural capacity. He was deeply committed to his purpose, which caused him to excel with supernatural grace (on and off the court). Purpose empowers you to live unashamedly in excellence. It won't let you settle for less.
Knowing who you are, what you are and why God created you puts you in a peaceful position. When you are at peace (and not anxious), you're better able to assess if an opportunity, situation, or relationship is for you or not. If it disturbs your purpose or peace, you are more inclined to pass without FOMO. Having faith, that all that's willed for your life will not be missed.
Death is a guarantee for us all. However, to know that you are living out your life's purpose or seeking to GetEngaged with your WHO, WHAT and WHY diminishes death's power. You win when you decide to fully engage your life, managing the fear, as you do your best to leave the imprint God designed for you leave.
That conversation between Elle Duncan and Kobe Bryant was full of purpose. How do I know? Because purpose triggers the divine in others. The ultimate regenerator of life is God, but when humanity gets in agreement with divinity, we access the ability to spark a light in others. #GirlDad is the powerful outcome of a purposeful conversation, by two people engaged with their life's purpose.
Can you see why purpose is important in life?
From this day forward, how will you begin or continue to live a purpose driven life? Comment, let us know below.
In pursuit,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div -@tiffytalks | Instagram, Facebook
Did you read this blog thinking such-n-such has to read this? If so, don't delay, share the good news.
]]>Trust me, you don’t need the calendar to change to a new year to get started. You can start fresh mid-day if you really want to, it just requires you making a mental decision to start new.
Now don’t get me wrong we lived a good life. Big house, luxury vehicles, vacationing every quarter, children on honor roll and pregnant with another child. However, our life was not full. We were just living in and for the moment. Legacy building was not even on our radar. Then September 27, 2011, my husband stopped breathing and went into a coma until June 21, 2013, when he passed.
Now first let me say this, don’t be like me and wait until the bottom falls from out of your life to realize you need to start new. Pay attention to all the signs. Look at your life as a whole and ask yourself, “If God called me home today, would my life make me proud?”
As I stared at my husband lying in that hospital bed with tubes everywhere, and I looked down at my six-month pregnant belly, I said those words but for both of us: “God if you decide that this is it for us, would our kids be proud, our parents, we ourselves?”
I mean everyone would pretend they were because we weren’t living what the world views as a bad life. We weren’t hurting people or breaking the law. But we also weren’t doing anything to assist in making the world better.
Well for me, I began to look at every aspect of my life (Family life, Friend life, Spiritual Life, Career Life, Self Care) and decided to take inventory on how I measured up in those areas. I sucked the most in spiritual and self care, so that is where I started.
Now because I don’t want you to reinvent the wheel, let me just tell you, consider starting here first as well.
God has a distinct plan for our lives and after months of suffering I realized that all I went through was for me to be drawn closer to Him so He could reveal my purpose in life.
It wasn’t about attending church every Sunday, it was about talking to and having a one on one personal relationship with God. Reading God's word and listening for Him to point out things in the word that apply to my life. I learned that God wants time, you know the thing we feel like we don’t have enough of. Yep, that is what God wants from us daily.
Once I began to spend personal time talking to God (through my journal) and reading His word (listening for Him to speak) everything began to change in my life.
Romans 12:2 NLT “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”
There are plenty of self-help books and websites out there and I am not here to knock any of it. In fact, I would love it if you would check out my website where we discuss how to maintain balance on this journey we call life. (shameless plug) However, before you do anything, I would suggest you spend some time with God asking him how you can be transformed into the new person, He made you to be.
Isaiah 43:19 NLT “For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”
Do you see it?
Do you have a dream that needs watering?
Is there a stirring inside of you that is different from anything you have felt before? Will it benefit others? That is your something new, go with it. Lean into it and begin something new.
Know this, you don’t have to have all the answers; the plan may not be fully written out. But it is there, and God wants to help you see it through. ~Retha Nichole
Retha is a beloved sister and coach, I connected with via Instagram. She has since remarried, and lives with her three boys in Alabama.
Thank you! Retha. IG @RethaNichole
Do you know in your gut that in 2020 something has to change? January 13-17, join us for the final 5 Day Fasting & Prayer Challenge hosted by Coach Tiffany. Click here to RSVP.
[Originally Published on January 26, 2016. Edited, December 28, 2019]
]]>Jesus' questions are so powerful that they are transcendent and transformative. The only catch is unanswered questions lead to no change, or clarity. You must get engaged and work through answering the questions, in order to be transformed mentally, physically or spiritually [and relationally].
Can you think of a powerful question that changed history or your life?
You know some: "Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country?" How about, Life's most persistent and urgent question is, "What are you doing for others?"
As we approach the end of this decade, and turn the page to a New Year, I wanted to provide you with an empowering option, to get engaged with you, your faith and what is God saying is most important for you in this season.
Keep in mind, Jesus' questions require time to process, so make room. Grab a pad and pen, and begin.
1. Where are you? God asked Adam (Genesis 3:9 NRSV).
2. Why are you angry and why has your countenance fallen? God asked Cain (Genesis 4:6 NRSV).
3. What is that in your hand? God asked Moses (Exodus 4:2 NIV).
4. Whom shall I send? God asked God's self (Isaiah 6:8 NIV).
5. Do you want to be made well? Jesus asked the man waiting at the pool called Bethesda (John 5:6 NRSV).
6. Why are you fearful, O you of little faith? Jesus asked the disciples (Matthew 8:26 NKJV).
7. Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Jesus asked the crowd (Matthew 6:27 NIV).
8. Do you believe in the Son of Man? Jesus asked the man who had been blind (John 9:35 NIV).
9. Do you love me? Jesus asked Simon, son of John (John 21:17 NIV).
10. Is that your own idea, or did others talk to you about me? Jesus asked Pilate (John 18:34 NIV).
Before you go, I want to leave you with this last question: What if you did nothing at all, what would happen? Comment, let us know below.
In pursuit,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div -@tiffytalks | Instagram
Go into 2020 with a clear VIEW of yourself and a confident VISION for your love life. More faith, less fear. Join us for the Coaching + Coffee Sessions. Click here to reserve your seat.
]]>You're single. Matter of fact, you've been single for sometime, and you're over it. You desire to be married, but the scene out here isn't looking favorable, and when you do meet a man, his profile's bio and who he really is, isn't adding up.
On social media, you keep scrolling by dem babies, the bridal gowns and relationship goals. It's enough to make you mad.
Single Sis, what are you to do in the meantime?
I know. You are tired of being told to keep the faith, or better yet, being offered advice --you didn't ask for, on how to go from single to taken, but this suggestion is different. If you look really close, you'll see.
It's spiritually active and not spiritually passive.
"Be very patient and lean into Him."
Both require your spirit to rise up, and your flesh to fall back. You have to be actively engaged with yourself and God to navigate your singleness season well in today's world; to patiently wait, when you want to press the gas, to pray more, when you want to throw in the towel.
You could take matters into your own hands, but I'm sure you're familiar with that option. The last time you let your frustration or flesh lead you, how did that work out for you? I'm sincerely asking, how did that work out?
If you can honestly say, 'not good,' then let this testimony provide you with some new options or perhaps, confirmation.
A few weeks ago, I received a direct message (DM) from an Instagram connect stating, "I'm getting married!!" She's a mom, pediatrician, Gen X'er, living in the south, and has asked to remain anonymous.
Here's her DM sent to me on October 24, 2019:
In pursuit,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div -@tiffytalks | Instagram
Are you committed to flowing in 2020 with ease, abundance and an openness to love? If so, I invite you to join me for a Coaching + Coffee Session. Click here for more details.
In all your dating, networking and time spent getting to know others: Have you ever considered pausing to get engaged with yourself, to explore who you are and examine your truest desires? How about digging deeper into the desires that God has placed inside of you?
If you've been eager to be in a relationship or to get married, this article is meant to persuade you to consider --why so? AND to help you avoid any additional bruising or unnecessary pitfalls, while you're out their living single.
Click here to download: How Self-love Helps You Avoid These 3 Common Pitfalls
You ever hear the gospel song, "I Give Myself Away" by William McDowell? Well, many of us are giving ourselves away, and not to God, and not for what we're worth.
Sound familiar?
If this resonates with you don't feel bad. It's real. It's okay, and it's oh too common.
I know what it's like to want a relationship to work. I gave myself away and away and away, thinking that one day the return would be a ring, a husband and a family. I was wrong about that one, and guess what? It's okay.
Here's what I do know for sure though:
#1. It's not okay to remain stuck replaying the sting of the loss: being stuck on replay saps your life away. #2. It's not okay to sulk over a man whose moved on with his life: be grateful he showed you where his heart is and is not. #3. It's also not okay to SETTLE for meaningless encounters with men who are all wrong, for you. Your soul logs every encounter. Love yourself, more.
Looking back, there were signs along the way that I overlooked because I wanted the relationship, more. Now, that I can look back with gratitude and a smile, and not with bitterness and sorrow, I want to share these telling signs with you.
1. You've been quick to give him your heart, but he hasn't asked for it. In all his advances, he has yet to ask you for your heart or show you by his actions that he even wants it.
2. You aren't able to add value to each other. He doesn't feed you mentally, physically or spiritually, and vice versa. There's no iron sharpening iron going on here.
3. He doesn't show sincere interest in you and what you care about most. If you're a mother, this includes your children. If what sets your spirit on fire is of little of interest to him, can you live with that?
4. You desire commitment, but he's been clear about not wanting what you want. "Can two walk together without agreeing on the direction?" -Amos 3:3
5. You have more drama than harmony. You consciously or subconsciously do things to make the other feel insecure and unloved vs. assured and loved.
6. You are wearing too many hats to win him over. One day you're his chef, evangelist, life coach, financial advisor, counselor, credit lender, referee, and so on and so on. Relationships are sacrificial, but sis you are over-functioning.
7. You don't have peace within because you're doing things against your mind, body or spirit. There's a peace that passeth ALL understanding that comes from God (Philippians 4:7), but also comes when we live congruently with our beliefs and values. If entertaining him makes you feel torn within, that's a sign.
Have you been tempted to overlook any of these signs? Comment, let us know below.
In pursuit,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div -@tiffytalks | Instagram
]]>As believers, we have an arsenal of tools at our disposal, that when utilized, have the ability to calm any anxieties and troubles brewing within our hearts.
Jesus knew the disciples were purposed to carry on a great work. He was aware that they were human and would be placed under pressures to be as good, if not better than, their leader, the Christ. Jesus knew their hearts could grow faint or fall, so he encouraged them before they needed encouraging.
Your heart is the core of your being, and where your intentions live and die.
Why does Jesus care about the disciples hearts? Because a loss of heart would mean a loss of courage, and without courage, the disciples good intention to pursue their purpose could've been thwarted.
Are you experiencing a loss of heart? Have you been waiting for God to show up without any signs of relief? Do you think you're better off taking matters into your own hands without divine assistance or authority?
Let this be a reminder to use the arsenal of tools, you have. If not, it will be difficult, if not impossible to persevere when you want to quit, and to praise God when you want to curse Him and die (Job
#1 You can use prayer, anytime, anywhere.
Prayer has the ability to break off whatever is trying to break you down. It's the oil you need when you're feeling dry on the inside. It's how you can cast your cares and how God obliges you with a response to those cares, and oftentimes God's answer to your prayer is through people. That's why hibernating or isolating from people for long periods of time can work against you. Lastly, prayer can empower you to do what you wouldn't be able to do in your own strength.
If prayer empowered Peter and John to be bold, it can empower you too.
"After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly." -Acts 4:31 NIV
#2 You have access to God's presence, always.
Presence, being able to walk and talk with God provides us with access to miraculous assurances that no one else could promise and deliver. It's through God's presence that we can be healed and made whole. As we abide in Him, we grow in our identity, personal power and purpose. We become liberated from the standards of this world, and producers of good fruit (John 15:5; 2 Corinthians 3:17). The presence of the Divine in your life could be all the evidence you need to not be dismayed or troubled by what you see or feel.
#3 Your purpose inspires you beyond your feelings.
Purpose says, there's significance in your being and an important business to do. It comes with lots of grace to see you through, and a blueprint (that probably won't be revealed all at once), so you'll become wiser with your energy, resources and time. Therefore, empowering you to speak up and set the boundaries necessary to fulfill your purpose. Jesus spoke up for himself often. He didn't let others run his days or how His gifts should flow. He remained prayerfully in sync with the Father, so he would know exactly who He needed to spend time with and for how long (Mark 1:35; Luke 5:16).
If you are currently unaware of your purpose, give it attention and time. Seeking after your purpose comes with great rewards, including confidence and clarity.
Currently, the {FAVRD} Women's Bible Study [that I host] is studying Jesus and the Woman at the Well. Jesus' exchange with her reveals God's love, provision and purpose for women, even when our past is hard to understand. Jesus understands. Are you interested in joining us?
There's still time. Click here to join the {FAVRD} community.
In such a troubled world, it's easy to doubt and fear that all will not work out for you, but if Jesus advises, "Do not let your hearts be troubled," then His peace is greater than any problem. Let me know if this reminder rested with you, and if so, how? Comment below.
In pursuit,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div -@tiffytalks
]]>
He called the woman at the well out about her thirst, and challenged her to sample His living water. He called the man at the pool of Bethesda, who had been sick for thirty-eight years, out on his excuses. Sir, "Do you want to be made well?" He also called the ten men with leprosy out, to GET ENGAGED, and walk towards their healing.
I was thinking, maybe the rich young man (Matthew 19:21)?
The one who couldn't part with his possessions and riches in order to "be perfected." Maybe, he was able to escape Jesus' calling to come higher, to leave his ordinary rich lifestyle, for an abundant lifestyle (John 10:10)?
Not so. The rich young man makes it clear that he too knew that with all his possessions and riches there was MORE LIFE that he was lacking and money couldn't buy, yet still, he wasn't willing to part with all his material success, to gain eternal success.
How do we know the rich young man was convicted? The Word says, "he went away grieving."
Grief is a normal human response to missing the mark, to settling for less than God intends for you to give, have or experience.
He didn't badger the rich young man to follow him because he was the Son of God, or say condescending things to make him feel guilty about his decision, to not part with his possessions.
Instead, Jesus shared a message of grace. He acknowledged how hard it is to enter the kingdom of heaven, to choose His way over the world's way.
Have you been asked to let go of something or someone, but you're not quite ready, so you keep trying to bargain with God about why you do what you do?
Remember, Jesus is so gracious, and wants you to willingly choose His way.
From experience, I can tell you this, the way the two brothers, Simon-Peter and Andrew, the fishermen, immediately dropped their nets and followed Jesus isn't everyone's experience (Matthew 4:18-20).
It takes time to discern God's voice, to let go what you swear you can't live without, to embrace your unique beauty and gifting. It all takes time.
This may seem like a ridiculous notion, but any offering, in this life, outside of connectedness with God is mediocre at its best.
In the next few months, I will be sharing opportunities for you to loosen up your nets, to get detangled from who or what has you caught up, and frustrated with yourself and your life.
Have you been secretly wanting to take a meaningful step in the right direction? Did anything shared here confirm what you already knew? Comment below.
In pursuit,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div -@tiffytalks
]]>
Your viewpoint, the way you think about and interpret your experiences and relationships, the angle from which you see yourself, the opposite sex, your career or calling, and God --matters.
Your perspective could see a roadblock as a necessary detour [so you can learn a needed lesson], or as a dead end [like a sign to quit]. How you interpret any given situation is "reality" to you. Have you ever heard someone say, "It's just the reality of the situation?"
How you perceive the "reality" of a situation will dictate your actions, reactions or inaction. For example: single women are you seeing your singleness as problematic or purposeful?
As rumors spread about Jesus' identity, the people weren't sure if he was the the Messiah, a prophet or the one they called John the Baptist. Jesus, aware of the rumors, wasn't moved by their mistaking his identity. He was more interested in how his disciples viewed him because there would come a time when they would have to represent him in his absence, so he asked them, "But who do you say that I am?"
Jesus knew that Peter's perspective [enlightenment of who he was], was divinely given. Immediately, Jesus went on to bless Peter with greater authority (Matthew 16:13-19).
This past week, I had the pleasure of leading a diverse group of women from the dirty south, east coast, midwest, Nigeria and Ireland [hey Ivy!] through the "Awaken Your Amazing Self" 5 Day Fasting & Prayer Challenge.
The focus of the challenge was to awaken [and in some instances confront] the way women of faith see themselves, especially in relationship to God and others. We experienced the power of a shift in PERSPECTIVE, and collectively walked away with a better understanding of light's authority over any areas of darkness.
"...seeing beyond all that gets in the way is far from easy. It requires us to acknowledge and begin to engage with the multitude of opinions, beliefs, wounds and attachments that shape our realities, many of which are subconscious." -Anna da Costa
There were so many gems shared during the "Awaken" Fasting & Prayer Challenge, but I wanted to offer some biblical insights we reviewed that can help shift your perspective, and positively impact how you feel...
from Just another Man to the Messiah: If Jesus is just a man or a God that was present 2,000+ years ago, then why would you expect Him to act on your behalf today? Deep down inside you wouldn't, right? How you perceive Jesus is important: is he the"The Messiah, the Son of the living God," or just another man in a biblical story? Who do you say He is? Your perspective will shape how you pray, how you live, how you love, how you view humanity and your place in the world.
from Pain to Pleasure: Take delight! (Psalm 37:4) Drawing closer to God doesn't have to be drab or ultra religious. Think about it this way: there are hidden things that God wants to reveal to you, about who He is, who you are and why you were created. As you begin to #GetEngaged [tuning into yourself and God more], overtime you will grow to "take delight" in discovering God's best for you, in life and love.
from Independent to Cooperative: This world will have you caught up thinking "if you don't do it ALL, it won't or can't get done." Meanwhile, God wants to co-create and collaborate with you, and is looking for opportunities to bless you with assistance, unexpected gifts and unmerited favor from people you don't even know. If your perspective is of this world, which urges you to "do you, do you, do you," then you risk missing out on what God is trying to do with you, through community.
from Insignificant to Indispensable: There is no member of the body of Christ or in the human race who is insignificant to God, but what if you perceive yourself as unimportant given the number of human beings who were, are and will be? The challenge for each of us is to see ourselves as God does, AND to believe we honor ourselves and God when we contribute our part [of the body], irregardless of how big or how small it is to this life.
"God so arranged the body, giving the greater honor to the inferior member." -1 Corinthians 12:24 NRSV
Remember: If your perspective [your heart] is healthy, your decisions and quality of life will follow. How did this blog speak to you? Comment and feel free to leave a question below.
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
Are you familiar with the Know Your Worth Brunch? We're in the process of planning a NEW #KYWBrunch that might be the first co-ed one, but we need your feedback. Please take 2 minutes to fill out this brief survey. Click here to complete the #KYWBrunch survey. Thank you, thank you.
]]>How do you feel about the middle-aged married Pastor, who got hitched in his early twenties talking to you about your sex life? Is it annoying to you?
How about the married woman who was convicted to stop having sex, stopped or
"waited" for 14 months, then got married? Is it bothersome to hear her testimony about abstinence, and waiting until you get married to have sex?
Like, can they really relate to being single, single?
Last week, after writing about the battle of the mind, I was compelled to keep the self-examination conversation going, but this time focusing on our bodies. If you haven't read the previous blog post, check it out.
Click here to read "How to Win the Battle in Your Mind for Good."
As a single woman, whose been single and waiting for years, I do believe the church's leading on the matter of singleness, sex and overall body health is sketchy at best.
If you are a person of faith, married or single, and one who believes Christ lived, died and rose again to atone for your sins, you are "beseeched" to voluntarily present your body as a living sacrifice, so when one begins the process of presenting their body, isn't for us to judge.
The Apostle Paul is "beseeching" all of us to pay attention to how we engage and handle our bodies [and the bodies of others]. Are we acting in a way that honors the body we've been given?
"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service." -Romans 12:1 KJV
The word beseech in Greek is parakaleó, which means to beg, encourage, or make an urgent appeal up close [in close proximity, like up in your face]. So, Paul is speaking in a serious tone to believers about how to walk with, and worship God.
You can't, which brings us to why our health and sex life matters to God.
"Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ." -Romans 10:17 NIV
If your body [mind and heart] is weighed down, how will you be able to hear the message, or discern God's presence in your life? It will be difficult to decipher God's voice from all the other voices [your voice, the enemy's voice and the voices of others], when your being [body] is cluttered (John 10:27).
If your body is in an unhealthy state, you won't be in 'your' best shape to function [and love], share your story [testimony], or carry out the purposes of God. Your health is wealth. How you care for your temple matters, and will help you to be an effective member of the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:12-27).
If your body is engaging in sexual activity outside of marriage, then you run the risk of being bogged down spiritually, tied to someone's soul, and/or absorbing the negative emotions of others. God doesn't want you split in your affections, or attached to anyone who is not your spouse. You can have sex, but outside of marriage it's not beneficial (1 Corinthians 6:12-13), and is a poor imitation of love.
As you can see, this isn't a message for singles only.
We're all charged, as "indispensable" members of the body of Christ, to hear God out on why our bodies are so important to Him, and to the proper functioning of the entire body of Christ.
How did this blog topic move you? What specifically spoke to you? Let us know, drop your comments and questions below.
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
Are you desiring a change? Would you like to improve your relationship with yourself and God? If so, you're invited to join the "Awaken to Your Amazing Self" 5 Day Fasting & Prayer Challenge, March 25-29, click here for more details.
]]>If so, you're not alone. There's an all out spiritual war going on (Ephesians 6:12).
It's about your transformation.
The enemy doesn't want you [or anyone in the faith] to have any mental, physical or spiritual progress. As highlighted by Joyce Meyer, in her book, Battlefield of the Mind, the major battle is taking place in your mind, but it's deeply connected to what's in your heart, which is where our drives and motivations come from (Proverbs 4:23).
Think about it: If you are transformed by the renewing of your mind, to think more like God about yourself and others, to uncover your talents and do them, then you'll be an ultimate threat. Less conformed to this dying world, more reformed to God's image, and abundant plans for you (John 10:10).
To be patterned after, and resembling the world's way of life; being led by the lusts of the eye and quick to follow evil (Exodus 23:2).
No. God has given us clear directions via Romans 12:2 on how to go about winning the battle.
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." -Romans 12:2
If we know the battle for transformation is happening in the mind, then what you put in and put out your mind [and heart] matters.
How much time do you put into reading the word of God? On a practical level, reading the Holy Bible is how you add godly principles to your life, and subtract worldly principles from your life. When you have the right principles [tools] to refer to, it helps to positively guide your behaviors and decision making.
How much energy do you invest in putting the wrong things out of your mind? This is where having a life coach or counselor can be beneficial [to expose the blindspots]. Every human being has taken in wrong and quite damaging seeds that have taken root, and grown into strongholds. These "weeds" can negatively corrode one's self image, view of life, or relationship with God and others.
Investing in having harmful seeds and weeds excavated will make room for more peace, truth and love in your heart, and life.
How much room do you give yourself to pray? Prayer is how we commune with God, powerfully exchanging concerns, visions, feelings, thoughts and requests [for ourselves and others]. Your prayer life will help to fortify you, and your faith life, and keep your mind at peace through trying times. Prayer is so invaluable that we are instructed to continually pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17).
You'll be able to prove what is the good, acceptable and perfect will of God for YOU. No more guessing. You will have spiritual and social proof to back you, and the grace to support you in seeing God's perfect will for your life through. You will also be content with how God fashioned you to fulfill your part in the Kingdom, and world.
Another way put, you will work your lane with joy and gladness.
No more heavy preoccupation with looking to the left of to the right, counting or comparing the talents of others, you'll be too busy trying to maximize every talent you've been given (see the Parable of the Talents). Instead of being doubtful or slothful, you'll have desire and enthusiasm to maximize your seasons of grace.
Lastly, you'll grow in discernment, and have a keener sense for what is godly and what is not, what is right timing and what is not, who is for you, and who is not? It will be increasingly more challenging to settle in with people, places or things that don't agree with where God has you.
Was this a timely topic for you?
Are you currently being challenged to win the battle in your mind? Let us know, and drop any questions below.
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
If you'd like to grow in understanding of God's word or strengthen your prayer life, you're invited to join the "Awaken to Your Amazing Self" 5 Day Fasting & Prayer Challenge, March 25-29, click here for more details.
]]>Are you glad the holiday is over?
I bumped into a woman at church who said, "This Valentine's Day, I didn't have any anxiety and I wasn't feeling tense about it." She was proud of herself, and I was happy for her.
I got to thinking, how many other women were in the same shoes, celebrating their first Valentine's Day without any anxious thoughts about being single?
How about all of the women who spent Valentine's Day or the days leading up to it frustrated and tense?
Since anxiety [and depression] are the leaders of mental health in America, I wanted to offer some biblical, yet practical ways singles can slay anxiety on Valentine's Day, and beyond.
Psychology Today defines anxiety as extreme apprehension and worry, and expectations of negative outcomes in unknown situations. And, to be anxious, is to have a feeling of uneasiness about a future misfortune that has yet to happen.
Instead of cupid, does it feel like a cloud of misfortune is hovering over your love life?
Instead of feeling fortunate and optimistic about dating and getting to know the opposite sex, do you feel unfortunate and disregarded in your singleness, as if bad luck is your boo?
Well, as single women of faith, we don't hang our hat or hopes on luck, right?
God has given His daughters ammunition to slay self-doubt [if I lose more weight, then I'll be datable], the lies from the enemy [you'll never be enough!], and the fear-based stories from others about singleness [all men are cheaters, so why bother?!], but we must access the power we have, and act on it.
When the thought: will love ever happen for me? pops into your mind; here are a few things you can do to slay any anxiousness and worry you have about what the future holds for your love life.
Relationships are beautiful work, so let's not shy away from being prepared from the inside out.
Are you ready to be selfless? Are you eager to serve and love another they way they need to be loved? How much time and patience have you put into loving yourself?
The greater you love and accept yourself, the more you can transfer that "good" love onto your future beau or spouse. If you're anxious about who you are and what you have to offer, then give yourself time to #GetEngaged with you.
If you skip over you to get to "a relationship," you might make the mistake of accepting whoever comes your way, versus choosing the one who's best for you.
Anxiety is like a piranha, eating away at whatever faith you have, and the evil one is chief over stirring up anxiety about your future, especially if you'll ever love and be loved. On the other hand, God is King over empowering us to be assured and confident in His present and everlasting love for us, which helps us to love and be loved well.
The contrast is stark!
Therefore, it is critical for single women of faith to KNOW and cleave to the One who gives more life now, even after death.
In the Book of Matthew 6:25, Jesus gave his disciples, and single women today, six powerful words of assurance to hold onto when times get tough.
What did Jesus say that was so profound? "Do not worry about your life."
Imagine if you clung to those 6 words, and allowed them to lead you throughout your singleness season.
What keeps some women [and men] anxious about their single status is the FOMO-OSP Syndrome? It's the Failure of Missing Out on Someone in the Past Syndrome. [Yes, I made it up.]
You may be living with this right now. The thought that you've already missed out on your person, and somehow blew it, or that your opportunity for love won't ever come again.
This way of thinking is common, and could keep you stuck emotionally, mentally and spiritually, if you let it. There are so many people who have old chapters or books open, that need to be addressed, closed and packed away.
Please don't try to close and pack it away without addressing it.
As humans, I know, we say things like, "I'm over him or her," yet your heart and soul could still be freshly tied to that person.
Think about it: How can your heart be fully with your future love if your heart is already tied to another or others?
If you want to resolve the anxiousness you feel surrounding anyone from your past, prayerfully reach out to that person to address and heal that chapter. If the person is unattainable, ask the Holy Spirit to help you heal from any and all emotional attachments of your past, so you can move on to love and be loved wholeheartedly.
Single lady: It's so important how you perceive yourself, and your single status.
Let us know how you're handling any feelings of anxiety, and if anything offered in this post is inspiring you to do something different.
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
P.S. Would you like to learn more practical ways to overcome any fears or apprehensions you have surrounding singleness and dating? Click here to inquire about how you can work with Tiffany in-person or via video conference.
]]>When you accept yourself, you're announcing to the world, "I approve me!" without saying a word.
It's not about arrogance or being puffed up (Romans 12:3).
It's about giving yourself a nod, even if no one else does because at a minimum you know, which is really a maximum, that God approves you. It's also about giving yourself the okay, in spite of your shortcomings.
Now, the opposite of self-acceptance would be disapproving of yourself: to disapprove is to withhold approval from yourself. Another way put, it's like being at opposition with oneself.
Can you picture you bruising you externally and internally? Constantly being over critical of who you are and who you are not. How about always having negative commentary about the size of your butt, boobs, and natural figure? What about being at odds with your hair texture or skin tone?
You can't argue this fact down: when you don't accept you, you fight against you. You place a bet against you before anyone else has a chance to. This article from Psychology Today breaks down why some people are quick to beat themselves up.
On the contrary, when you accept you, you bet on you, and you bet on the God in you, which generates behaviors [decisions] that align with how you feel about you.
A woman who accepts herself is more likely to do things like smile at strangers, offer her intelligence to the world, and accentuate her God-given features, and she's less likely to tear others down because she knows how it feels to be torn.
Self-acceptance is all about welcoming yourself to be who you are, and freeing others up to be themselves as well. As you courageously accept you, you free yourself to show up fully, in life and love, which can lead to more happiness and personal fulfillment.
We are constantly invited to be who we are. ~ Henry David Thoreau
Can you think of an instance when you were being invited to be who you are? Did you move towards the invitation or shy away from it?
Whether you've been taking steps toward greater self-awareness or you're right now being challenged to accept the invitation, this blog post is meant to serve as a reminder of why self-acceptance is important for you, and your love life.
Here are 5 Ways Self-Acceptance Improves Your Love Life:
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
P.S. Are you hard on yourself? Do you feel like you should be more or do more? February 7 - April 11, @ 6:45-8pm, {FAVRD} the virtual Bible study community will be studying one of the busiest women in the Bible, the Proverbs 31 woman.
If you're looking for a godly way to view your life and productivity, I invite you to join us. Click here to RSVP for {FAVRD}.
[Published via Original Website July 24, 2016. Edited, February 3, 2019]
]]>In your work life, love life, social life or spiritual life, change is always an available, good, yet scary option, but first, how do you know if what you're doing isn't working?
You may say things like:
If you connect with any of these sentiments, then a desire for change is brewing within, and you probably already know, deep down inside, what you're doing, how you're living, who you're dating or who you're following is no longer working for you.
The question is: will you acknowledge how you feel, and to what extent are you willing to change?
In my book, #GetEngaged with Yourself & Win! 12 Keys to Unlocking the Life & Love You Desire, here's how I define change:
"Change is a shifting away from what was toward what will be --toward a new and different outcome." -Tiffany Wilson, M.Div
Many well intentioned people, maybe you, will suffer through "sameness" for the sake of avoiding all that is required to get to the new vision or promise. Change is undoubtably risky business, but without it, your current situation or status will remain the same.
Have you seen the meme on social media that reads, "Get ready to level up, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, energetically --it's all coming?"
The beautiful truth though is as a believer, you have the Spirit of God, the great Advocate, working with you, on your side, and with God, "...nothing will be impossible...(Luke 1:37)" for you, including leveling up.
Matter of fact, making sure people are being transformed and leveling up in the right ways is an intrinsic part of God's economy and kingdom.
Biblically speaking...
So, here you are, three weeks into the New Year, what's the not so easy thing that you're being called to do, right now, to experience more alignment, happiness or contentment in your life?
Let's start here: What's not working for you anymore?
I wish it weren't so, but you will find it impossible to level up or vibrate higher, in a godly way, without being stretched mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually or energetically.
I know, it's uncomfortable to be stretched. However, managing discomfort is a key component to living the best, abundant life God intends for you to experience and enjoy.
Is it time to do something different? Are you on the verge of making a change, big or small? Let us know by commenting below, and let me know how I can help you shift from what's not working for you anymore, to your new thing.
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
P.S. Are you a woman of faith? Would you like to learn how to hear God's voice, so you can make better decisions for your life? If this speaks to you, I invite you to join {FAVRD} a biweekly virtual Bible study community for women. Click here for more details.
Click here to RSVP for {FAVRD} February 7 - April 11.
Photo courtesy of Bruce Mars
]]>Do they work for you?
I'm typically not into New Year's resolutions, but I do believe in having a theme of focus. As of this moment, the only thing I have is a word: "BUILD."
I also formed a list of meaningful ways to engage 2019. This is not meant to be a checklist, more so a friendly nudge to focus on what's most important to you, in this season of life.
For your consideration, here are 8 Meaning New Year's Resolution Ideas for 2019:
Are you driven to succeed? How about ambitious? If you're a creative or have a lot of interests, I know focusing on "one" big thing for 2019 probably sounds ridiculous. However, it could help you have one of the most meaningful years of your life. In the book, The One Thing, author Gary Keller advises, "don't spread your willpower too thin." Unlike God, you and I are finite beings, so we have to be mindful of how we use our finite willpower. Get clear about your ONE THING, and work it, and work at it until it's complete or resolved.
Are you hard on yourself? Did you miss the mark in an area where you think you should've known better? There's no better way to say this, "forgive yourself." Self-forgiveness can be tough to navigate, so don't be surprised if you need God's help to help you, pardon yourself. This resolution is sweet because it frees you from carrying around the weight of the wrongdoing(s). You may be guilty, but if God forgives you (Micah 7:18-19), then you can forgive yourself.
Are you aging, yet stuck in the past? Are friends getting married and having babies, but you're still rehashing how your ex from years ago, did you wrong? If this is your story, you must do the necessary heart work to move on. You only hurt yourself when you continue to harbor old abuse. It was horrible, I'm sure, but it's over! Don't miss out on you right now, and the beauty and blessings in your life. Let the past be a place of reference to help you best navigate today, and prepare for the future.
Do you know what you love? Are you into reading, traveling, how about sampling different kinds of food? You're not a child anymore, who has to be dragged along with your parents. As an adult, you decide what you love, like or dislike. The more you know about what pleases you, the more you can add it to your life. And, you can help those who love you, love you better by communicating what you love, like and dislike. Invest the time in discovering what you love. It will bless you.
Have you been at war with your body or looks for long enough? Would you like to make peace with you? Did you know wellness is personal? You can work with a nutritionist, fitness trainer and spiritual life coach, but ultimately, you decide what's ideal for you mentally, physically and spiritually. I paid a personal trainer for months, then I took what I learned and applied it to my exercise regimen. No more yo yo diets or getting fit for the beach; try adding overall wellness to your lifestyle.
Are you overdue for a mini or major makeover? How about switching up your hair, or the color of your nail polish and makeup? It's wonderful to have a signature look, but if you don't feel happy, feminine or powerful ever in anything, maybe 2019 will be your year to get fresh. I'm confident you can sprinkle a little freshness here and there without breaking the bank. Don't limit yourself. Have fun with who God created you to be.
Are you anxious or stressed more than you'd like to admit? Do you overthink things, especially God's ability to show up for you? If you are a person of faith, growing in faith is essential to accessing the peace that passeth all understanding (Philippians 4:7), doing the impossible, and keeping fear in proper perspective. In 2019, you can resolve to focus on learning about faith, God's character, and eternal love for you by adding devotional reading, daily prayer or a sound Bible study to your life.
Click here for details about {FAVRD}, a biweekly virtual Bible study for women.
Are you open to love, and being loved? Are you a good friend, sister or neighbor? Are you a wonderful person to meet for tea or how about to take out on a date? By the way, love isn't limited to romantic encounters. It is meant to be the core of what makes life worth living. As people of faith, we are commanded to prioritize love in our lives (Matthew 22:36-40), and not to put it off. You can decide to improve your overall love life, one friendship, one date, or one day at a time with your spouse, or you can miss out on a vital part of what it means to be human.
Did you gain any insights from these suggested resolutions? Let us know if you plan to add any of the above as a resolution, or please share your "one" big thing below.
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
P.S. Singles! Freeing yourself to love and be loved could be a rub for you, especially if you've been hurt in the past or maybe you think you're open, but you're actually projecting disinterest in meeting anyone new. If this speaks to you, the Self-Worth + Dating Workshop could be for you. Consider joining us Jan. 20 + Jan. 27., and early birds save. [8 seats remaining]
Click here to learn more about the Self-Worth + Dating Workshop.
Photo courtesy of Bruce Mars
]]>Would you like to hold on to God's unchanging hand, but life continues to test you, and your faith in God? If you're a woman who feels like you're trying to be faithful, and do the right things, but your time or turn has yet to come? If so, this is for you.
I also dedicate the words you're about to read to the 94 women who joined me from Connecticut, Virginia, Louisiana, North Carolina, South Carolina, Philadelphia, Georgia, Canada, Nigeria and other territories this week for the "Focus on Faith" 5 Day Fasting & Prayer Challenge.
As I write, we are on Day 5! --Great job ladies.
Many of the women don't know this yet, but this blog post will serve as a great reminder to keep the faith when they don't feel like it.
It's common, after the 5 Day Fasting & Prayer Challenge is over, and the dust settles, some will wonder what really happened? Like, refresh my memory, what are the true benefits of fasting? Others may question: how did fasting for 5 days impact my life?
Day 3 of the challenge, I was compelled to mention the story of Esther, a Jewish girl who by divine persuasion and set up, became a queen.
Are you familiar with Queen Esther's story? She was coached by her cousin, turned adoptive father, Mordecai, on how to be positioned as a contender for the role of Queen, to King Ahasuerus.
Her obedience and willingness to follow direction led her to being prepared and selected as the new queen, replacing Queen Vashti (Esther 2:17).
Are you coachable? Does the thought of following anyone's direction make your skin crawl? Do you prefer talking vs. listening?
In order to go from being a believer, to one who has faith to believe the impossible, discipline is required. Discipline to listen, follow, and act on what you heard, but do not see, yet.
"Now faith is the assurance of what we hope for and the certainty of what we do not see." -Hebrews 11:1 NRSV
If you're wondering, Esther's ability to listen and follow directions has everything to do with FAITH and holding on to God's unchanging hand. She models the perfect combination of being able to listen to people and God, to achieve the impossible.
After becoming queen, Esther was challenged to get engaged with her faith, and to ignite the faith of her people, as the Jews were at risk of being annihilated, "young and old, women and children, in one day. (Esther 3:13)"
She resisted wise counsel at first, but was quickly reminded by Mordecai to not get too big headed or forget her Jewish background. Who do you have in your life that keeps you level headed? How about the one who holds you accountable?
Mordecai was divinely assigned to help Esther see the light, and why she had been crowned in the first place; to stand up for her people, or they would all perish.
You may be familiar with Mordecai's infamous words...
"Who knows? Perhaps you have come to royal dignity for just such a time as this." -Esther 4:14
She called for a 3 day community fast, similar to the "Focus on Faith" 5 Day Fasting & Prayer Challenge, yet more demanding. Is it just me, or do you get excited when you see women and men using their power for good?
In her exact words, Esther said to Mordecai, "Go, gather all the Jews to be found in Susa, and hold a fast on my behalf, and neither eat nor drink for three days, night or day. I and my maids will also fast as you do. After that I will go to the king, though it is against the law; and if I perish, I perish. (Esther 4:16)"
I'm heavenly convinced, there comes a time in every believer's life when fasting is the only way to break a cycle, be delivered or gain access to the breakthrough for you, a child or a cause. Like Queen Esther, each believer will be challenged to get engaged with their faith, and to not let loose of God's unchanging hand, whether you're getting a favorable response or not.
FASTING and FAITH are deeply and powerfully connected.
As we experience the last days of this year, I wanted to remind you to keep the faith, and hold on to God's unchanging hand, despite how you feel, --what you see or don't see.
Here's how...
The people who joined Esther for the 3 day fast did benefit indirectly, but the heart of the fast was less about them, and more for Queen Esther to gain safe access to the king, and favor in overturning the plot against the Jews (Esther 8:3-8).
She succeeded at both.
You may be new to fasting, questioning the benefits or perhaps you've done a few fasts before, but still haven't seen the favor of God in your life, don't let up!
Keep the faith. Keep showing up. Don't let go of God's unchanging hand, and remain or get connected to a supportive community. Like Queen Esther, who shined and soared on the power of being in agreement with other Jews.
[Click here to join {FAVRD} a community for modern women of faith.]
Did Esther's story speak to you? What about the call to engage your faith despite how you feel? Comment below, and feel free to drop a question below.
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
P.S. If you're interested in {FAVRD} the Bible study for women of faith who are chosen, to grow in community. The next {FAVRD} Bible Study begins January 24 - March 28: 5 studies focused on "The Truth About the Proverbs 31 Woman."
Click here to RSVP and for more details about {FAVRD}!
The calm in my mind is quite extraordinary, given how I used to be bullied by negative self-talk and worry.
Growing up African American, many of us believe in ringing in the New Year with a clean house, clean clothes and a full pot of black eyed peas cooking on the stovetop. Call it superstitious, but I totally get the clean house concept.
Being the #GetEngaged Queen that I am, I'm proposing you consider an inside out approach to cleaning house to ring in a new, New Year.
December 17-21, the "Focus on Faith" 5 Day Fasting & Prayer Challenge is happening. If you've never done a challenge with me or fasted before, this is a great opportunity to do something good for you.
Not familiar with fasting? Fasting is a spiritual discipline. It's a willing sacrifice to abstain from a person, place or thing for a certain period of time, in order to draw closer to oneself and God.
Jesus' 40 days in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1-11) or when the Prophet, Daniel and his friends refused to eat the King's food for 10 days (Daniel 2:8-21) are good biblical examples of fasting.
Still not sure fasting is for you? Maybe this list will convince you otherwise.
I hope you can see from this list, there are so many reasons why fasting and prayer can be powerful and transformative, especially as you say farewell to one year, and prepare to welcome a new, New Year.
By the way, which number is speaking your language? Comment below.
If you need to reevaluate your personal or professional life or desire to start anew? I invite you to join us for the *"Focus on Faith" 5 Day Fasting & Prayer Challenge, December 17-21. It is free.
Click here to RSVP for the 5 Day Challenge.
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Divinity aka @tiffytalks
[Published via Original Website March 12, 2015. Edited, December 6, 2018]
*TiffyTalks, LLC and the 5 day fasting and prayer challenge cannot guarantee you any results, please consult a physician prior to taking the challenge.
]]>About four years ago, I had this vision to launch a blog that would inspire women to get engaged with their lives, but the GetEngaged message didn't exist, yet.
Instead of saying, "sis stop dwelling, love yourself and take time out to #GetEngaged with yourself," I promised to assist women with these three things:
I had no idea how to blog, do social media, market, connect with women online, or self-promote in ways that felt right, but I did it anyways.
I launched because there was a time when I desperately needed someone to say, "sis stop dwelling, love yourself and take time out to #GetEngaged with yourself" with compassion, and not judgment.
By the way, I still don't fully know how to do all the strategic branding stuff, but that's okay: I launched.
What I do know is the three points I tried to convey in that video clip can all be resolved in your life if you take the time to #GetEngaged with yourself.
Four years later, I can emphatically say, "Getting engaged with yourself works, if you work it!"
Have you lost big in love and don't know if you have enough left to give love another shot? Don't know where your life is headed, or maybe you wish you could get unstuck and stop dwelling on the past? What about those of you who are praying to be *fine* with who you are and who you'll never be?
Trust when I say, "Getting engaged with yourself works, if you work it!"
With God's help and good accountability, you can face yourself and fight for your best life. In Isaiah 61:3, there was a promise given to the Israelites that applies to believers today,
"...to provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair."
It's real: after a lot of tears, battles with doubt and sheer grit, God crowned me with beauty in exchange for all those ashes, and I'm beyond grateful. The sadness that seemed to be settled in my bones from leaving a man, I thought I'd marry, to the heartbreak of not having a picture perfect relationship with my daughter has lifted.
Here's what my personal and professional experience has taught me thus far:
If you really want new results AND resolve in key areas of your life, you have to be daring enough to exercise your faith differently. Always keeping in mind...
"...faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." -James 2:17 NIV
As I rejoice in my personal and spiritual growth, I will continue to create transformative content, and offer coaching techniques that help women get engaged with self, and their faith, so they can live and love beyond anything they thought possible.
The most recent radical resource offered via www.TiffyTalks.com is the Self-worth + Dating Workshop for single women. Did you hear about it?
This workshop challenges single women to be honest about their singleness, to get clear about their relational values, and to show up in ways they haven't before. Bottom line, the community of women serviced in November were well, pleased.
Here's what one woman had to say...
"This workshop has definitely turned the mirror on myself. I needed to take a good look at myself, and Tiffany has turned some lights on in places that were Dark to me...ex. Personality Traits, behaviors and even dating techniques." - Courtney Bell
If you missed the Self-worth + Dating Workshop Live in Philly, it will be offered again, January 13 + 20 [5 hour commitment].
Click here for more details, early bird registration available.
How many of you remember the above launch video? How do you plan to radically show up for you now, and in the New Year? Comment below, maybe I can help.
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Divinity aka @tiffytalks
Over the past week, I've heard some colorful dating stories about how the men out here are out of control, but I couldn't help but to think about the part we play as women, in enabling men to be out of control?
It's just something to consider...
I'm aware of the polygamy guy, and the married guy who's stilling moving like he's single, but I have yet to venture into the online dating world. However, from what I know about online dating, you have to manage it the same way you would if you met a guy at a coffee shop, prayerfully and prudently.
On the backdrop of hearing these colorful dating scenarios, I hop on Instagram and scroll upon this post that set me over the top.
"Been cheated on, lied to, left for someone else, dropped with no explanation, and I'm still trying to love like I've never been hurt."
I was done after reading this painful "superwoman" post.
First of all, it's not noble to still try to love like you've never been hurt. Why not address the wounds? I'm thinking: Girlfriend, you need a break from relationships to seek out a coach, counselor or some pastoral advice to address why so many unhealthy encounters and relationships?
Second, my sisters, something is wrong, not only with how we're dating, but who we're choosing to date, and why? Have you ever considered why did I choose to date that guy or how about this, why did I choose to sleep with him?
I'm not pointing the finger. I just want us all to stop pointing the finger and take responsibility for our decisions.
You can say, "No! I'm good love," and mean it.
If you're a woman who desires to have a healthy relationship or marriage someday, you can no longer engage, enable or cosign the disinterested or the disrespectful man, especially if you say you want more.
I know you have needs, REAL emotional and physical needs; to be cherished, comforted, and protected, I have those same needs too, but if we don't uphold a standard as women, men will not.
1. You have to determine: what do you want relationally? Would you prefer to be casually associated or to be in a committed relationship? Are you a wife right now, waiting for your husband or maybe being coupled isn't on your list of priorities? I offer insight to help you figure out what you want in A Guidebook to Dating + Singleness for the Modern Woman of Faith Who Desires Love. Click here to get chapter 1 for free.
2. You must stand by what you want. If you're interested in dating to discover your likes and dislikes, then date with compatibility discovery in mind. If you desire commitment or if you're certain you are a wife in waiting, then let your actions align with your conviction.
3. You must be disciplined to get what you want. This pertains to those of you who know you desire to be in a committed relationship, or have been seeking God to prepare you [and your future spouse] for marriage. In order to connect with your guy, and decrease the odds of you being "cheated on, lied to, left for someone else, dropped with no explanation," you have to be more disciplined with you, and who can have access to your conversation and company. Also, you can't give "these men" your body and your beauty for nothing in exchange.
If getting your worth continues to be an issue of concern in your life, and in your relationships, you don't want to miss the Self-worth + Dating Workshop, Live in Philly or Online, click here for registration details.
4. You must demand respect. As a woman, you have been given the power of influence. I urge you to use the power you have for good. Let's help these men! Yes, help a man out and in turn help another woman out (because every guy you encounter isn't your guy, but he's someone's guy). As soon as you see a red flag or a sign that he doesn't respect you, address it. Don't brush it off or block him. Let him know that you'll take a pass on him, and tell him why.
He'll either rise to the occasion or run, either way you win, you grow and he learns.
Did any of these points resonate with you? I'd love to hear where you are with dating and singleness? Share below.
You have a couple of weeks to get in on the Self-worth + Dating Workshop happening Live in Philly and Online, November 4 + 11. Click here to learn more.
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
[Published via Original Website January 28, 2017. Edited, October 23, 2018]
Okay, I'll drop the word healthy. When was the last time you were in a committed relationship?
I ask the question, not to put you on the spot or make you feel uncomfortable, but to hopefully get you to think about where you are, and where you desire to be as it pertains to being in a committed relationship or married, if that's your desire.
I bumped into my ex, who took it upon himself to remind me of the exact date. I was like, really, several years ago?
That's a significant amount of time...
It hadn't dawned on me because I was busy living in my "purpose" bubble. I was so focused on completing my Master of Divinity degree, writing my first book and trying to learn how to manage all the moving pieces of being self-employed that I didn't realize several years had elapsed.
Since singleness was something I always tried to evade, I wasn't "fully" single during those several years, or available. The hard truth is I had relational baggage and residue that needed to be resolved, and unhealthy ties with specific men that needed to be broken.
Messy is an understatement.
Have you ever waited for a man to come around or come back into your life, to sweep you off your feet? Do you know there's a man out there holding out hope that you'll be together? Have you ever engaged a man, knowing your friendship, was just that, a friendship?
If so, I can tell you from experience, these kinds of "harmless" attachments to the opposite sex make it difficult, if not impossible, to receive the one you're praying for. The pseudo relationships I had with men had to go, but I needed help to release them.
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." -Romans 12:2 NIV
I had to get my mind right, and my heart back.
It was time out for having emotional entanglements with the opposite sex, and for engaging men I had no business entertaining in the first place. I wanted my heart to be free, and a peace of mind in my love life, as a single woman, prior to being anyone's wife. I no longer wanted to spend my time dating, texting or calling men, just to pass the time, but to stop the habit of it all wasn't easy.
In order to BE single for real, for real, in my heart, mind and soul, I had to surrender all the men of my past to God, whether I had had sex with them or not --because all soul ties aren't sexually transmitted. But, as mentioned, I knew I wasn't strong enough or cleaver enough to break the emotional, spiritual or physical ties I was mixed up in.
I needed God's help to lead me through.
What transpired after praying and crying out to God for help was ((a process)) of releasing and being released, of praying some more and fasting, of forgiving and being forgiven, of loving on others and being loved on, of seeking a counselor to make sure I was seeing things correctly, and whatever else the Spirit led me to do, I did my best to do.
I went from casually entertaining men, to being very intentional about who I date, text or call. I don't date as much, and my phone isn't blowing up, but I'm freer, and I'm single, single ((big smile)).
It's refreshing to be more thoughtful about myself, and every man who approaches me. Essentially, I'm looking for God in the details, and to have good experiences with quality men, until I align with the one who's best for me.
If I don't sense a man's desire for peace and love. I don't signup for it.
Now, as I look back over the years of my dating + singleness life, I get to share what I wish was shared with me. Maybe, my experiences will help other women and men avoid unnecessary headaches and heartbreak. Like, the telltale signs you're not ready for a committed relationship [or marriage].
If my story speaks to the heart of where you are, and you fear you've wasted time with the wrong men, click here to grab a complimentary copy of ch. 1, A Guidebook to Dating + Singleness for the Modern Woman of Faith Who Desires Love. It will help you get engaged with how you see dating, singleness and relationships, so you can have the love you desire.
1. You fall in love with almost every guy you date, whether you're in a relationship or not. How are you in love and you've never gone out on a date? If you're quick to get emotionally attached, you might be more in love with the idea of being in love, than love itself. Blogger, Annie Oudom writes about her experience of being in love with the idea of love:
"Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first relationship that I allowed myself to get lost in. So how in the world did this happen to me? Again?"
2. You don't have a good sense of who you are, and who you're not. Basically, you become a chameleon in relationships. In the movie, Coming to America, Eddie Murphy asks a prospective wife, "What do you like?" and she responded, "Whatever you like!"
It's a funny scene, but's it's no laughing matter and points to a lack of identity, which makes it difficult to discriminate; who's best or most suitable for you?
3. You don't like who you are or being in your own company. If this is your truth, figure out why, "you're just not that into yourself?" I know you probably heard of the book, He's Just Not That into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, but what's of alarming concern are the many women who don't see value in themselves. If you lack self-worth, this will impact who you date and how you date, and ultimately who you marry.
4. You flipflop with your faith, depending on who you're with. Denying or watering down your faith to be accepted by any "man" is an example of not honoring all of who you are as a woman.
5. You haven't made peace with what you value most. It's not that you don't have any standards. It's that you haven't graduated to enforcing them. You have to be clear with you first, before you can be clear with others. What do you value most, and aren't willing to budge on?
6. Your lust is leading your like. Lust can be great for passion, but a horrible source to keep a relationship going. Lust fades. If you're allowing the outer packaging to dictate your like, and overlooking the inner workings of a man, then your heart isn't ready to choose who's best for a committed relationship, or to marry.
If you're ready for a new outlook on love, and a faith-based perspective on how to date in healthy and productive ways, November 4 + 11, I'm inviting a select group of women to join me for a 2 Week Workshop, Self-Worth + Dating: Be Prepared to Meet the One for You, click here.
This workshop will be offered ONLINE and LIVE. If you want to be one of the ten to attend this workshop live in Philly, click here for additional details.
Did you connect with this topic? Make sure you let us know how by commenting below.
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
[Published via Original Website August 13, 2015. Edited, October 10, 2018]
]]>Perhaps you may not want to embrace your gifts and purpose out of fear. Fear of rejection, not being good enough, smart enough or not knowing where to start? I've not only been there, but every now and then, one of these scenarios or emotions might jump in front of me, like a troll blocking my path.
I have heard many times that once you find your gift or purpose, you can either "make money from what you love" or "you'll never work a day in your life."
For a while, these statements left me feeling stressed and frustrated because I got the impression that it was easy to find your gifts and purpose, prompting me to ask God for discernment.
For any discussions regarding gifts and purpose, the Parable of the Talents always comes to mind, and I did not want to be the servant who buried his talent (Matthew 25:15-30). In addition to this frustration, I've been guilty of harboring a number of limiting beliefs that I am sure made it harder for me to uncover my gifts and purpose.
"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going (Ecclesiastes 9:10)."
The more I use whatever I can do, I move from the servant in the Parable of the Talents who buried his one talent, to the servant who had two and increased his by two, and ultimately the servant who had five and increased his by five.
As of this writing, I can't completely articulate in words exactly my gifts and purpose. However, in the past six months, I've uncovered patterns and clues that has given me more clarity about what they could be. Below are four things I did that helped me get to this place of increased clarity, allowing me to get more engaged and live up to my fullest potential.
1. Self-Discovery: You can only be good at being you. Don't look at what everybody else is doing because that's the surest way to ensure getting stuck. If you're stuck, quick read: 3 Amazingly Practical Ways to Get Unstuck Before the New Year. You will also need to identify (and write down) your values, goals and what skills you've learned along the way. Skills aren't always attached to gifts and purpose, but they can be good clues and patterns that point to our areas of expertise and things we've learned along the way.
2. Start a Promises and Compliments Journal. A few years ago, I learned about a compliment journal after reading, Write It Down, Make It Happen. In this journal you are writing down and tracking all compliments and nice things people say about you. This compliment bank comes in handy during times of self-doubt, and times when our inner critic is especially hard on us. "When you falter in your dream, consulting a compliment book reminds you of the character traits that others notice about you. You have more strengths than you might realize you do." I added the 'promises' part to include memory verses from the Bible of God's promises to me, to call upon.
"If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done (Ecclesiastes 11:4)."
3. Just Go and Do It: You have to start by taking one step at a time. Ben Linder says, "Anything you can do needs to be done, so pick up the tool of your choice and get started." I'm all for planning, but at some point, the plan has to be put in action in order to know if it works.
For years, I've been helping my friends edit their college papers; I've been on magazine committees and I've consistently written in my journal for over 14 years. I didn't start with the goal to be a blogger, but my experiences helped me to be a pretty decent writer before I started blogging. Blogging has in turned helped me pick up other valuable skills. Consider each endeavor as laying the foundation and building upon the skills and experience needed for the next set of experiences.
4. Revaluate: There's a time and place for everything and we must understand that things change. If something doesn't work anymore then it's okay to pause, assess, make adjustments and then continue. In the past couple months, I wanted to create another website, but it was cost prohibitive. I was frustrated and doubted whether it was something that I should proceed with. After a day of assessing the problem, I found another solution that didn't require me to spend any money and allowed me to learn another way to do the same thing.
It's not always easy to uncover your gifts and purpose. However, you can get engaged and uncover them! As you do with all your might whatever your hands find to do, you will be begin to get clarity on what your gifts and purpose is.
Kerry-Ann, Guest Blogger
Thank you Tiffany for the opportunity to connect with your community. Please connect with me on Twitter: @CarryonKerry or visit Carryonfriends.com.
I met Kerry-Ann at Blogging While Brown, lovely light, lovely person. Any questions or comments about uncovering your gifts and purpose? Comment below.
[Published via Original Website January 25, 2015. Edited, July 8, 2018]
]]>The average woman I know wants to live a life she loves, but living the life you love requires courage and conviction, two things that aren't easy, yet doable.
My dear friend and coaching peer, Julie Wadley, Life and Relationship Coach, and Owner of Eli Simone, LLC sat down to continue an ongoing conversation about dating, love, and the relational challenges that are facing women today.
In light of this conclusion, Julie and I came up with 5 Thought Provoking Questions to Help You Live a Life You Love:
A big aha moment for Julie and I was this: when you realize you are enough, your whole life's landscape changes, especially the degree of love you are able to give and receive from others.
[Jules] If you can honestly say, "I am enough!" Great, but if not, evaluate why you think you're not enough? A woman that knows she's enough is grounded in the knowledge of self. She's okay with passing on men and opportunities that don't suit her best. She's also less likely to contort herself to fit others.
[Tiffy] The path to knowing you are enough is worth the journey. For years, I struggled with feelings of inadequacy, but as I began to #GetEngaged with my personality, passions and purpose, I recognized my value. Like you said Jules, "It's not arrogance!" I started to get genuinely excited about who God says I am, and the more I accepted myself, I began to flourish.
Am I enough? is a courageous question to ask yourself, and even bolder move is your willingness to answer in truth. Are you enough for a husband? Are you enough for your dream job? Are you enough for your friends? Are you enough?
Get to the root of this question and the way you approach love and life changes, for the better.
Giving people, places and things that matter most (to you) top priority is a great way to jumpstart the life you love. When you plan and proceed based on your key priorities, your sense of accomplishment will soar. Some women are working diligently on things they don't care about. This way of being is a sure way to be constantly annoyed and discontent.
[Jules] Make "it" a priority. Figure out what you want and how important it is to you. Ask yourself how does what you "want" fit into your list of priorities as it relates to everything else that's going on in your life. When you really want something to happen, put it on your short list of top priorities. Ask yourself, what are the obstacles that are preventing you from your goal? Is it fear, lack of resources, not enough support? Also, what can you do to minimize what's blocking you from your goal?
For instance, a major roadblock for many people is fear. Most times, fear is imaginary.
A woman may desire to be married, yet she fears rejection or not knowing how to put herself out there, to be datable.
She doesn't want to come off as desperate or thirsty. There's a lot of discomfort around being vulnerable, but without vulnerability a woman may miss a key priority in her life, love.
[Tiffy] Make God a priority. It sounds cliche, but really when you make God a priority, you automatically make you and love a priority. You begin to see what really matters and what doesn't: value vs. vanity.
I'm not talking about adding religious activities to your life. I'm talking about going to God in spirit and truth (John 4:24) to get godly counsel.
If you don't do this already, get in the habit of prayerfully seeking God.
Ask this: in this season, what should be the top priorities for my life? Write down whatever you hear coming to mind, even if it sounds farfetched. Then write where you spend most of your time and effort. Do they align?
Make the necessary adjustments and make sure you fit into your list of priorities. You can't give what you don't have to give.
Living the life you love is strongly connected to being proactive.
"Taking initiative does not mean being pushy, obnoxious, or aggressive. It does mean recognizing our responsibility to make the right things happen." -Dr. Steve Covey
[Tiffy] I added the words "the right" to Dr. Covey's quote because it's important, as women of faith, to make the right things happen. Things you know God is encouraging you to do or not to do.
The reactive lifestyle points to everything outside of self as the issue. The proactive lifestyle is determined to get engaged with self, and be responsible for contributing your part (purpose) in God's big plans.
Yes, some things are unjust, systemic and out of your control, but there are other things that you can do to ignite the life you'll love. Like beefing up your prayer life, distancing yourself from bad company, and committing your time to the things that matter most to you.
[Jules] I did an event titled: Where are all the men? and many of the women there spoke from a helpless place, as it relates to being single. But, women aren't helpless. We have the ability to build and make great things happen!
Actually, I'm finding that some women are paralyzed by their own success.
They've built these amazing personal brands, and don't want to do anything to contradict their brand. If their brand gives off, "I'm fearless!" It can be hard to be vulnerable and admit you need help or love.
Living in the moment can be challenging to do, especially if you thrive on seeing results, but if you can resist the need to know the outcome, and come to appreciate the journey, you'll find goodness there.
[Tiffy] Focus on having good experiences. Recently, I went on a blind date. Although, there wasn't a romantic connection, I was able to enjoy the guy's company because I wasn't wondering, "Is it him or not?!" There was a time when I would obsess about the outcome. Now, I'm more interested in having good experiences with quality people, as a result, I get to enjoy the process of dating more.
If the thought of not having enough good experiences with the opposite sex comes to mind, I write about why "good experiences" are important, especially to women of color, in A Dating + Singleness Guidebook for the Modern Single Woman of Faith Who Desires Love, click here to grab your free copy.
[Jules] Let go of outcomes! If you go into a dating situation with the end already in mind, then you are more focused on the outcome and less on the experience. Some women that I come across and work with, go from first date to marriage (in their minds) without considering who the person is.
I caution women, don't miss out on the journey.
Skipping the dating period is a no no! It's about connecting with someone you respect, and valuing their friendship. When relationships hit rough spots, and they do, it's the friendship that was built during the dating phase that will save the relationship.
If you have a certain type, certain height, certain way in which the "fairytale" must happen for you, then you could be thinking your life isn't a success because you lack the fairytale picture.
Living the life you love is able to happen right now, but it starts with you and how you think.
[Jules] Fairytales are sold to girls early. Many of us are raised to think that we should wait for the guy to act. I was at an event and I wanted to introduce a woman to a man and as I gestured to walk her over to him, she questioned, "Should I be saying something to him first?" There are so many women with all these great qualities, but are waiting to share and show who they are.
[Tiffy] I love fairytales tho. However, I know, being fixated on a fairytale story or having a specific prince's profile in mind can be unhealthy, plus limiting to one's love life. Although, I'm not one to promote approaching men, I am for sparking up normal, natural conversation, which is what women who have interesting things to share do, right? Right.
Did you enjoy these thought provoking questions? Jules and I had a great time working through them. Did any question stand out to you? If so, let us know which one and why? Comment below.
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks, and special guest, Julie Wadley
Are you interested in working with Coach Tiffany? Do you need accountability to get engaged with you, so you can live a life you love? Click here to set up a 1-on-1 Coaching Consultation.
[Published via Original Website February 26, 2015. Edited, September 14, 2018]
]]>And, that cliche saying, "forgive and forget" isn't helpful because it provides no solace. It also makes it seem like the ability to forgive and forget, is easy, and it's not!
If you've ever tried and tried again, to forgive someone, you know what I mean.
Just when you think you're good, --boom, something triggers you. A song, a picture, a guy who resembles "the guy," the laughter of a child, the most random thing, reminds you that you're not quite over it.
Forgiveness is about pardoning yourself or another from an offense, debt or obligation. Just so we're clear: You have the power to pardon (absolve or release) another or yourself.
In 2015, days after a major milestone in my life, I realized that I still had some residual work to do with forgiving myself. I was excited to hold a Masters of Divinity, but while sitting in my home office, thinking over the accomplishment and over the course of my life...
A big part of me was like, yesss! --you did it, you graduated. But, this other part of me was like, no! --I didn't ask for this? It wasn't apart of the original plan, for my life.
After I sat, for what felt like hours, teary eyed, I was reminded of two things:
One: how hard it was for me to accept God's call to attend seminary, but in hindsight, it was one of the best choices of my life, and two: I must forgive myself for the things that did not go as planned, and may never be in my lifetime.
There's no easy way to say it, it hurts when your plan doesn't work out, or the vision has yet to come to pass, or like in my case, your plan is exchanged for God's plan.
I'll warn you: In each of the above scenarios, grief (or depression) is possible because a plan, vision or desire that has yet to be actualized can drain you emotionally, and has the potential to make you physically sick.
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." -Proverbs 13:12 NIV
There's a great article on WebMD titled, Learning to Forgive Yourself by Jean Lawrence. She states, "Many people get stuck for years on what didn't go as planned."
God doesn't want any of us to get stuck A DAY, never mind years, on anything that's not for us. He doesn't want us wasting time mourning or mulling over plans that haven't worked out, especially plans that lack divine authority and instruction.
In order to build up a "keep it moving" mindset, in his disciples, Jesus offered them this wisdom:
"And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.” -Matthew 10:14 KJV
Jesus knew that everyone wouldn't welcome or receive the words of the disciples, and he didn't want any of them to get stuck on, or mulling over why not? He basically was telling them, "don't take it personal, it's purposeful."
I was angry when the plans I worked so hard for failed. Like, why??? I wanted what I wanted, when I wanted it, and I didn't think I was asking for too much. Can you relate? But, what I had to realize is divine intervention and providence was working behind the scenes in my life.
It's humbling when you exhaust all possibilities, and do everything in your strength, and things still don't work out, or don't flow right.
Know this: The dismantling of your plan, may have less to do with your competence and more to do with God's providence.
In Isaiah 55:9, God let's us know that His ways and thoughts are higher than our ways and thoughts. Therefore, we can pretty much expect for His plans to be much higher than our plans (for ourselves).
Give yourself grace for not being able to recognize the bigger plans for your life.
As you continue to develop your relationship with God, I encourage you to brace yourself for unexpected shifts in whatever you have planned, or at least in how you think it will come to pass. Let God blow your mind.
Forgive yourself, to free your mind to explore what's new and what's next.
I don't know how old you are, but you still have time, and God wants you to grasp this truth. How do I know? Because you were set up to read this blog. But, before you can perceive the new thing (Isaiah 43:19), you have to let go of the old vision--of whatever you pictured was supposed to happen in your life.
It's going to be different than you thought, make peace with it. In the meantime, pray, asking God to help you PERCEIVE what's new for your life, and for the courage to see it through to the new, new.
Did this topic on self-forgiveness resonate with you? Do you plan to do anything differently because of what you read? If so, we'd love to know what, comment below.
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
Are you interested in working with Coach Tiffany? Do you need to resolve something in your past that's keeping you from enjoying the present? Click here to set up a 1-on-1 Coaching Consultation.
[Published via Original Website July 11, 2015. Edited, September 6, 2018]
]]>I hated the thought of being single, but I was also trying to cope with the emotions from an unrequited love. Unrequited love is when you love someone, but they don't reciprocate the love and in my case, when he did attempt to reciprocate, I was bitter and burnt out.
Needless to say, I was an emotional wreck, full of a mixture of anger, distrust, lust, sadness and an insatiable hunger for love.
Who said rebounding is a good idea? It's absolutely not, especially if you desire to be in a healthy relationship, someday.
Instead of taking time to get engaged with me, I rebounded for years.
Some of my actions were self-sabotaging, and distanced me from my long-standing goal of marriage. The dating process and the meaningless encounters with men, who I didn't really like, only confused me more. Looking back, I did so many foolish things that I didn't have to do, all to fill a void, to feel pleasure and to "find" a new love match.
If you can relate to me at all, feeling like you and singleness are having a tug-of-war, instead of harmony, I urge you to pause long enough to evaluate --what's the source of your angst?
Do you need time to process a breakup?
Are you dealing with feelings of emptiness and looking for a man (savior) to rescue you? Maybe you've been single so long, you have no idea where to begin?
I was thinking about some of the things I did to self-sabotage, things that can get in our way as single women of faith, things that could be agitating your season of singleness versus making it go well. These five points could be the beginning of a new way of seeing yourself and singleness.
1. Stop bashing being single. Singleness is a beautiful season, and God says "for everything there is a season (Ecclesiastes 3:1)." And, this means, for everything there is a purpose. Whether you can receive this or not, your singleness serves a purpose. For instance, if you constantly complain about your status or how horrible men are, you miss the beauty in the season you're in, trying to get to the next season.
2. Stop pretending like you don’t care about being single. You might not lose sleep over it, but if it nags you privately, you most certainly care about being single and it’s okay! Instead of brushing it off like it doesn’t matter to you, or distracting yourself with some new "big project," try admitting to yourself and God your true desires. There's freedom in telling the truth (John 8:32), and you'll be giving God the thumbs up to work things out on your behalf.
3. Stop dwelling on the past and holding grudges. Dwelling was where I lived for so many years, and guess what? There's no life there. It literally sucks the light and life out of you. I would replay sad story, after sad story and it was sad. I got good at retelling others how my ex hurt and offended me. If you find yourself stuck on replay, ask God to help you stop. It will take time for you to heal, but don't stop asking, praying and forgiving until you're no longer dwelling, and the grudge is gone.
4. Stop idolizing couples and marriage. It’s cool to admire those who have healthy, loving relationships, but to be too focused on another's yard, takes precious time away from your own garden. In addition, God is adamantly against idolatry. How many times did God instruct Moses to warn the Israelites about idolizing other gods (prior to them entering the promise land)? If you're not careful, marriage can become your god, causing you to seek it as your savior and not God.
5. Stop overvaluing being coupled and devaluing singleness. Singleness can be a profitable time to become the one for the one, if you let it. Becoming “the one” isn’t about perfection or checking off a to do list. It’s really about self-engagement and maximizing the treasure and talents God's gifted you, while you're single. This process is cyclical and fruitful. It involves strengthening your relationship with God, so you can strengthen your relationship with yourself and eventually be a place of peace for your future love, your future spouse.
Did any of these points serve as confirmation for you? What are you ready to stop or start doing now? I want to know, comment below.
If you enjoyed this post, you'll love A Guidebook on Dating + Singleness for the Modern Woman of Faith Who Desires Love. Click here to download the first chapter for free!
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
Are we connected on Instagram and Facebook? Let's make it happen. Have you visited THE SHOP on www.tiffytalks.com for your soon to be fave fall tees and sweatshirts? Click here to check out my fave Loved. Lovable. Loving wear!
[Published via Original Website February 15, 2014. Edited, August 30, 2018]
]]>Lately, this dating and waiting on God topic has been beating down my door. On a few occasions, I tried to meet up with some of my blogger boos and sister-friends to let my hair down, it didn't happen. Instead, I was clearly set up to have the same, needed conversation, over and over again.
Here's what they had to say, maybe some of their concerns sound familiar to you?
"I'm tired of waiting on God!"
"Will love happen for me?"
"Am I enough? Compared to other women, I feel like a Blackberry in a sea of iPhone 6's!"
I could hear the frustration, disappointment and doubt in their voices. Underneath all of their running emotions, they sincerely were trying to grapple with this bottomline question...
It's definitely questionable times for the African American community as it relates to commitment and marriage. All of the women I'm referring to, just so happen to be African American.
In Robert M. Franklin's book, Crisis in the Village: Restoring Hope in the African American Community, he's calling for the black church, politicians and all Americans (especially African Americans) to stop and address the crisis of commitment in today's culture.
Historically, African Americans did commitment and marriage, despite what you've heard or think, but today the numbers are staggering (which adds to the weakening of the black community).
Mr. Franklin is correct, we are in crisis mode, and with these sobering statistics, I can see why my beautiful single sisters are unsettled and fearful.
I have concerns too. However, we can't let these negative reports lessen our faith. If anything, these statistics should cause us to fall to our knees, even more, and wait on God to guide, and reveal how to best deal with this "love" crisis.
For he says to Moses, "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." -Romans 9:15 NIV
Yes, God decides whom to grant compassion, mercy and favor, but it's up to us to ask for what we need! The same way Moses sought God, so can we. Who else is able to change the hearts of men (and women), but God?
The question is how willing are we to get engaged, to do our part to partner with God to turn around the commitment, marriage and love deficit? I'm not placing the burden of the commitment and marriage crisis on the shoulders of women.
As a woman, you are an influencer, and women have great influence over men.
Eve influenced Adam to eat from a tree God told him not to eat from. Queen Esther influenced the king to listen to her and not slaughter her people. Sarah influenced Abraham to sleep with their slave, Hagar. The rich woman convinced her husband to build a room on their house for another man, so the prophet Elijah would be comfortable whenever he passed through town. Ruth influenced Boaz to take notice of her and eventually they married.
Are you lowering your standards to do whatever a man asks, for fear of not having a man at all? Are you tossing faith aside and letting fear rule your heart? I know it's not easy. I'm single too, but what I've discovered is I'm happiest and most influential when I partner with God to help me navigate this love thing.
Waiting on, and walking with God isn't passive.
It's not about saying a prayer and leaving it there, then waiting for your version of "Boaz" to show up. It's about continually posturing yourself to hear what God has to say about you and your life, discerning what season you're in (so you're not engaging people, places and things that don't fit) and showing up to do your part, while entrusting God to his part.
Did this topic hit home for you? Let's chat about how and why below.
If you are frustrated about being single and the current state of dating, commitment and marriage? I encourage you to switch up how you do singleness. Download A Guidebook to Dating + Singleness for the Modern Woman of Faith Who Desires Love, chapter one is FREE! Click here to get your copy.
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
If you enjoyed this post, save it, share it and make sure you follow me on Instagram and Facebook.
[Published via Original Website October 2, 2014. Edited, August 20, 2018]
]]>My desire to know my purpose and live in it, as well as uncertainty and fear have summoned me to self-engagement court. I began to read, A Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. It peaked my curiosity about what life meant, and how I could connect with my purpose and live it out.
Twelve years later, I am still trying to figure out my purpose. I have been going through life feeling aimless at times because I don't have a clear answer of my purpose.This has caused much frustration. There is a part of me who believes I have been shown or given reverberations of my purpose. Yet, I feel that God has not given me that simple, "this is it" moment of certainty. Despite this, my yearning and desire to move beyond stagnation and into a higher level of existence have called me to carve out this season for a real journey of self.
I was never one who read the bible on my own, and I still don't. I am working on that. However, fortunate for me, I attend a church that is premised on Scripture, so I have acquired way more biblical understanding than I could have imagined. By becoming more soundly aware of God's character, God's will and desires for me, I have been able to engage myself more with love, forgiveness, acceptance and gratitude. I am becoming less focused on what I do not have and for the first time operating in the now of gratitude for all that I do have.
What caused me to get more engaged with my journey, purpose and God was when I realized I wasn't happy with my life. Two years ago, I married my long-time boyfriend of 12 years (together for 11, engaged for 1 1/2). In the beginning, things were great, but overtime our relationship started to deteriorate. Toward the end of our relationship, I began to do some personal development. I also started to build a stronger relationship with God. Eventually, I could see that I wasn't happy, he wasn't happy and our children were suffering because of it.
I began to work on myself by listening to and watching positive material. I started reading books, attended conferences and going to church on a regular basis. I also began eliminating toxic people from my life, which freed me up to become healthier and happier.
On this journey, what I realized is that I must take care of myself first. I can't take care of my family, if I am a mess. I have to make time for me, and not be afraid to say no to others. I've come to learn, it's okay to walk away from situations that don't serve your highest good.
The feeling and experiences of living an unfulfilled life. I believe that with time, maturity, an overwhelming sense of my God-designed purpose, and the need to experience life more deeply caused me to seek a deeper engagement with myself and the woman I'm evolving into. I've always been a person of self evaluation and reflection. I do it often. When I was honest with myself, I realized how much time and attention I lacked in dedicating to the process of being the best I could be for me. I love this process of self engagement, becoming better acquainted with who Cassandra is, and loving everything about who I've been designed and purposed to be. It's the most liberating and beautiful journey.
My process for becoming more engaged with myself really came down to shutting down much of the busyness, activities, and even interaction of dealing with certain people, in order to get to myself. Again, self evaluation is huge for me, after taking an assessment, I realized that the fullness that I wanted out of life was being hindered by me.
I have found that oftentimes what works best for me is sort of taking a personal retreat; this means "shutting down," retreating to my personal space where I fill myself up with goodness. Goodness from prayer, from the Word of God, good music, healthy eating, and even working out.
It's like my personal detox.
This detox period is especially a sensitive time for me because in removing myself from the things that I need purging, I have to be particularly careful to not fall into any depressing thoughts or challenges. This is why filling up on goodness is so key! When I shut down and detox it's like one of the best things I can do for myself, so that I can be good for me and for the work that I do with others.
We as women have to become aware of our God-given gifts, natural talents and abilities. These gifts, are a blessing and help us to nurture and birth nations, ideas, and visions --but if we do not take the time to be nurtured, cared for, and well engaged by self, we will struggle with being fully strong and able to carry out the work and purpose we were created for.
It's time that we embrace the beauty and preciousness of our hearts and our temples, so that when we invite others into our lives, they are invited into the life of a well engaged woman! -XO
I hope you enjoyed the testimonials of these women. Maybe what led them to get more engaged (fear, unhappiness, being unfulfilled) is tugging at you too? Let us know by commenting below.
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
P.S. Have you been following TiffyTalks, for months or years, been inspired to #GetEngaged with you? Would you like to be featured and share your testimonial of self-engagement? If so, click here to complete this form.
If you enjoyed this post, save it, share it and make sure you follow me on Instagram and Facebook.
[Published via Original Website August 20, 2014. Edited, August 4, 2018]
The rapper Nasir Jones said, “I know a billionaire that has everything, but a family.”
The actual thought of having financial riches without the richness that comes with having a family is unsettling to me. This lyric is a reminder to remain balanced in all that I do, and to keep the priorities for my life the priority: God, self, daughter, family, business, community, and so on and so on.
Do you know what the priorities are for your life? Are you keeping them the priority?
Nas' words also supports my belief that every human being is created to love and be loved. At the core of the billionaire, the millionaire or the working class guy or gal there rests a commonality, a yearning, to experience love.
When I was a teenager, I, like many other girls dreamed about Mr. Right, Prince Charming, rolling up, Levis' and Adidas fresh (that's where we were in the 80's) with the promise of security and everlasting love.
I can vividly recall daydreaming about Mr. Right. I pictured us growing old together and having this house with a little white picket fence. I happily shared the dream with my then boyfriend, my teenage love, and he laughed at me and my dream.
His facial expression was classic, like Tiff why are you thinking about this?
Despite our youth, and lack of seeing eye to eye, I seriously believed we could “make it last forever.” Unfortunately, my high hopes for our teenage love to blossom into a happily ever after situation was denied.
We went from being a teenage love thing, wearing matching leather jackets and chunk jewelry, to being pregnant with our daughter. I did my best to keep us together, but in the end, our youth, his popularity and lifestyle, made it impossible for our relationship to work.
Although, our relationship fizzled, this core desire to be in a loving relationship was still alive in me.
Unfortunately, I tried to force a Mr. to be Right, and I wrongly placed my desire to love and be loved on all the wrong men.
Mr. Gangster, been there, done it. Mr. Unavailable, absolutely know about him and Mr. Promiscuous, I can't believe I thought you were datable.
Now, over two decades later, I can look back on my younger days and say, “Why was I dreaming about Mr. Right at such a young age?” Why was I pulling on young men (really boys), who barely knew themselves for assurance and emotional security?
They genuinely didn't have it to give.
I’ve come to learn that my girlhood dreams about Mr. Right were valid and connected to a true desire to be married, someday. However, the timing and my ability to choose the right guy for me was off because things weren't right within me.
Although, the fulfillment of my dream of Mr. Right has been delayed, over the years, my love life has improved. It has expanded to include the love of God and a love of self.
Connecting with the love of your life is an important piece of the puzzle of life (to me it is), but love itself is broader than boo, bae or beau.
I can't speak for you, but my love story has been a rocky road to getting engaged with myself. Through all the pain and tears, I refused to give up on me or think my life is less valuable because someone else isn't in it.
Are you single and anxious? Do you want Mr. Right to show up already? I urge you to talk to God about your frustration and fear.
And, consider this: Why is singleness such a pain for you?
There was a time when I was so heartbroken. I felt like I had lost my one chance at Mr. Right, and the family life I wanted so badly. One day, in a panic, I cried out to God to rescue me from the pain.
Today, I'm confident, love has not escaped me. Love found and saved me.
Do you feel like love continues to escape you? Like, you can't make sense of why you're single, compared to others? If this speaks to you, I created a guide that will challenge you to let go of false thinking about yourself and singleness, plus equip you to date and engage the opposite sex in ways that improve your love life.
Click here to get your copy of "A Dating + Singleness Guide for the Modern Woman of Faith Who Desires Love."
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
If you enjoyed this post, pin it, share it and make sure you follow me on Instagram and Facebook.
[Published via Original Website November 11, 2013. Edited, August 4, 2018] PC: _willpower_
]]>Let's be clear, envy and jealousy comes for us all, especially in today's world where you're just one click away from comparing your life with the highly filtered life of your favorite fashionista, celebrity or guru.
God warns us, in the Book of James not to brush envy off like it doesn't exist, or allow it do drive our ambitions and the way we treat one another.
"But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic." -James 3:14-15
Now that we know envy and jealousy is unspiritual, how do we keep these negative emotions from turning our eyes green and from ruining our relationships with others, especially other women?
In order to keep envy and jealousy from disrupting your life, your zone and your ability to develop relationships with sister-friends, there has to be a clear separation from your life and the lives of other women.
Based on what Jesus proclaims in John 10:10, none of us should covet the life of another because we've been given access to an abundantly full life through Him.
Keep in mind, abundance for you, will look differently than abundance for your neighbor. It's up to you to get acquainted with who you are and what abundant life means for you. Before I list some ways you can begin to figure this out, let me first define what envy and jealousy is a bit more (so we can know what we're dealing with).
Jealousy is when you resent or sense a threat surrounding another's achievements or success. Envy is similar, however it focuses in on a specific object. For instance: She's envious of her skin tone or the texture of her hair.
Here are four ways to help you become more aware of yourself and your direction in life, so you can be a better sister-friend, AND keep envy and jealousy in its place.
1. Position yourself towards developing your relationship God. Be intentional about centering yourself enough to get an understanding of how God formed you and for what, so you can know yourself and what you're made of. This will help you differentiate yourself and your gifts from others. I know this Scripture is popular, but it's perfect to meditate on, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you… (Jeremiah 1:5)." If God knew you before you were formed, God's the most qualified source to go to learn more about your identity and purpose.
2. Place the tough self-engagement questions at God's feet in prayer. However you pray is fine, whether it's while walking, driving or in your favorite spot at home, but make sure you silence yourself and go to God in expectation with questions about yourself. For instance: What do I need to know about myself God? Can you help me see myself the way you see me? Then practice waiting for God to respond. Silence yourself for a few minutes (longer if you can bear it). The more you practice being still, the more you'll be able to tap into what's true or untrue about you.
3. Put time in to know thyself. Discovering your worth is the best gift you can give you, your community and the world. The more you know yourself through God's eyes, the more confident and optimistic you'll be about your direction in life. First, commit to getting engaged with you, then the self-discovery process begins. It won't be all peachy, but it will be restorative and worth the effort. You may discover you've been carrying around lies about yourself, something a family member said that has shaped who you are. Now, you can do your part to let the lies go.
4. Play your part (be who God designed you to be). As women, especially brown women, we have so many explicit images and negative presumptions to contend with on a daily basis. The images you see can make you think you're not enough, like you need to be someone else in order to succeed or be happy. I know it all can be exhausting to take in, but the world's ideals are not true or fulfilling. I've found, knowing yourself and playing your part helps to combat the comparison game, of envy and jealousy. Your relationships with other women will flourish, when you stick to playing your part.
Lock in with who you are, and enjoy your friends, sisters and community for who they are.
What are your thoughts about envy and jealousy? How has embracing yourself and your gifts helped you with how you relate to other women? I'd like to know, comment below.
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
If you want to build positive connections with other women and take a step to get closer to God, I invite you to join the virtual {FAVRD} Bible Study community. Our first live meet up is happening August 26th in Philly!
CLICK HERE to learn more about the beautiful {FAVRD} community.
[Published via Original Website June 26, 2014. Edited, July, 7 2018]
]]>I really wish someone would've told me my circle of friends would shrink and shift as I began to grow spiritually, and get engaged with my life. I don't know about you, but I appreciate having girlfriends. I need the laughs and random pep-talks, each one of them serves a purpose in my life.
You don't have to have a large circle of friends to get what I'm saying. I know every single one of my girlfriends help to contribute to my overall wellbeing. But, the hard truth is, with personal development and spiritual growth comes change.
It's inevitable. Do you know what I mean?
Is your circle of friends going through what I like to call, "a sifting process?" It can be shocking to lose those you considered friends, especially when your friendship ends badly.
After losing a couple of "good" friends, it took time for me to process, but I began to see overtime, the losses were actually wins. It wasn't that the "friends" lacked value in my eyes, but that God wanted me to see who and what to value most, and that's a healthy relationship with Him and myself, first.
God was helping me get my priorities in order, and disciplining me to embrace the importance of change. In my life, every friendship I've lost has been replaced with a new, purposeful connection, or a needed lesson.
In the Book of Matthew, Jesus was mocked and rumored about because certain people from his hometown, in his old hood, couldn’t get past their thoughts about him as “just” a carpenter’s son. In their minds, a carpenter’s son wasn’t supposed to be a teacher, smart or confident in stature.
Their contention against Jesus was so overwhelming, they couldn't keep it to themselves, so they spoke out against him...
"Where did this man get this wisdom and these miraculous powers?" they asked. Isn't this the carpenter's son? ...Where then did this man get all these things? And they took offense at him (13:54-57 NIV)."
Does this sound familiar to you? Those who watched you grow up on such and such street, some are still there, trying to box you into the older version of yourself. How about those you used to run with not being able to understand your gifts and talents, right now? It can be frustrating, right?
The good news is you’re not alone. The bad news is you can’t change anyone’s limited view of you, only God can do that.
Jesus wasn’t the only one in the Bible who was talked about badly or cut off for going beyond what people projected. I'm confident, Mary was ostracized for giving birth to the "Holy Spirit's" child and Ruth was gossiped about for choosing to do life with her Mother-in-Law, over her own sister, Orpah.
When he was criticized by his old neighbors, he didn’t waste energy, resources or time trying to convince them that they were wrong and he was right. No endless stream of pictures on social media to prove to the world that he was an influencer or advancing in the Kingdom. Instead, he acknowledged their shortsightedness and then he bounced (Matthew 15:58).
The cool thing though is Jesus didn't reject the people. He rejected their lack of faith. I know this isn't easy, but when you are misjudged or scrutinized for being different, try not to reject the person, reject their lack of faith, --then bounce.
I know this might not be too comforting for you, especially if you're experiencing your circle of friends shrinking, and your girl's trips dying down and your phone calls drying up, but trust, you will experience more grief if you try to hold onto what God is trying to take away.
As you continue on your journey, God will send you your people, unexpected people. People you probably wouldn't choose on your own. A new circle of friends, to help you live life well and on purpose. How can I be so confident? Because, it happened for me, as is still happening.
Yes, I've gone through seasons of being separated, and times of loneliness, you may too, but God has a remarkable way of making up for what's lost (Joel 2:25). Trust Him.
Are you experiencing a shift with your circle of friends? Don't know how to handle it? Comment below, let's see if I can help.
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson aka @tiffytalks
If you enjoyed this post, pin it, share it and make sure you follow me on Instagram and Facebook. You can CLICK HERE to learn more about the upcoming "Faith Over Feelings" 5 Day Fasting & Prayer Challenge, August 6-10, 2018.
[Published via Original Website February 3, 2014. Inspired by @justkeena, Pretty Girls Praise God Philadelphia event. Edited, July 4, 2018]
]]>However, unaddressed pain or suffering can lead to bitterness, and bitterness can block the blessings that God has in store for your life.
Unfortunately, many people have become comfortable with bitterness, either because they don’t know they're bitter, don’t want to admit it or think bitterness is a perfect and acceptable response to all the pain they've been through. But, to wear a badge of bitterness isn't honorable, it's actually corruptible.
The root of bitterness is poisonous (Deuteronomy 29:18), corrupting and deadly.
It’s a pain that has caused intense hostility, a deep sense of grief or a bad taste. Common ways grudges form and bitterness can set in are through the wrongful death of a loved one, infidelity and church hurt, just to name a few.
You may've heard nonchalant comments like, “she’s bitter” or maybe you've been told, “you’re bitter, you need to get over it!” Well, bitterness isn't a nonchalant matter. It's a harmful emotion that works against the light and livelihood of the embittered person.
If not addressed, bitterness has the power to corrupt one’s perception of oneself, life, people and possibly God.
How can a woman who's bitter about being hurt by her ex, accept the husband she's praying for? How can a mother who's bitter about a child’s defiance, love that child unconditionally?
It can be hard to see goodness, give goodness or enjoy good experiences when you're bitter. Instead of highlighting the good, the bitter heart will gladly speak about all that is wrong (with men, women, or the world). Ephesians 4:31 encourages us to, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”
1. Acknowledge the truth. In the movie, Diary of a Mad Black Woman there’s a scene where the main character is called, “Bitter!” She said, “I’m not bitter, I’m mad as hell.” I love this because she acknowledged her truth. If you deny the truth of the disappointment or pain, you give the seed of bitterness an opening in your heart to grow. Pretending to be well is associated with ego and shame, but "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty."
2. Agree to go through the grief with God (and a coach or counselor), not with the world. Yes, it’s okay to tell a parent or someone you trust that you were hurt, but typically the person you go to is limited in helping you resolve the matter. Go to those who can help you heal and move forward. God’s able and ready to act on your behalf, and a qualified coach or counselor will commit to walk alongside you in confidentiality. Don't prolong your grief by retelling your "pain" story to just anyone. Instead, invest in getting over it.
3. Ask God to help you forgive, the offender and yourself. Now that you’re in a place of honesty with the pain and with God, it’s time to make peace with your offender and yourself. The way to peace will come through forgiveness. Let God know that you would like to forgive him or her for the offense, then ask God to help you forgive yourself. The forgiveness process is different for everyone, so it could take more time than you anticipated, but stick with it until you no longer have that bad taste.
If you are burdened by bitterness, you can cast this care on God, so you can live freely and abundantly. Can you do that? Let me know your thoughts about bitterness and how I can help?
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
If you enjoyed this post, pin it, share it and make sure you follow me on Instagram and Facebook.
[Published via Original Website January 12, 2014. Edited, July 3, 2018]
]]>To give you an authentic picture of how it felt being "called" by God, I should've taken a selfie and written this post, on one of the many occasions when I was face down, on my bedroom floor with a nasty mixture of tears, mascara and snots running down my cheeks.
That’s when I was in the midst of one of my many classic, “Why ME?” battles with God. You may know how it goes, not only, why me, but also...
If you’re anything like me, you do your best to list out loud, all of the reasons why you shouldn’t be called and experiencing what you’re experiencing or better yet, why you shouldn’t be denied what you desire, for the sake of the call.
You don't have to be a spiritual guru to know there's a cost that comes with God's call, right? That's why resistance is a normal human reaction to being called.
When God called Moses to bring his people out of Egyptian slavery, "Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt? (Exodus 3:11)”
It's normal to object or to be perplexed by God's call because being called out of your comfort zone isn't easy, for any of us. It typically requires transparency with God, vulnerability with yourself (and others), and this pull to show up fully. Basically, you'll be asked to do you part and God will do His part.
The process doesn't happen overnight. When I think back to my earlier years of wrestling with God's call, my heavy heart was filled with fear and sincere sadness. I was sad because didn't want to change and I wanted what I wanted. And, what I wanted was a husband.
I didn’t want what God wanted for me, and that was --ME in seminary? I barely knew about Jesus or his story. How could I go to seminary? Therefore, again—I whaled...
Fast forward to today, I’ve been a student since 2009 and I’m scheduled to graduate May of 2015 from Palmer Theological Seminary with a Master of Divinity.
It's really crazy, yet cool.
Did I submit to God’s call easily? Not at all. As a matter of fact, it's been years of process. As mentioned, there have been so many tantrums and threats to give up, but gradually my heart was being softened to desire God's best.
Did I ever think seminary was a part of my best life? No—but it is. Now, I know what joy is. I’m living an adventure, growing as a woman, while discovering my God-given gifts and talents.
Does the unpredictability of my story resonate with you? Do you wish God could be more practical in His approach with you? Are you asking God, why me or why not me?
Maybe, you’re very clear about God's call for your life, but like me, you want the relationship or whatever it is you want before you attempt to fulfill the call. The truth is saying yes to God’s call and relinquishing control isn’t easy, especially if control is what you do, but again, it's a process.
I don't want to mislead you though...
After saying yes to seminary, God didn't deliver me a husband. That desire has yet to be fulfilled. However, saying yes, "Here I am," Lord has resulted in so much personal growth, and the sowing of good seeds. Therefore, I’m learning how to trust God’s infinite wisdom, more and more.
It took awhile, but today, I truly believe: God will not withhold “no good thing” from me (Psalm 84:11) or from you. The “good thing” just might look different than what you had in mind.
Did this post resonate with you? Are you frustrated, wondering why me? I want to hear from you. I'm here to answer any questions you have about discerning your calling or purpose. Comment below.
Much Love,
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
If you enjoyed this post, pin it, share it and make sure you follow me on Instagram and Facebook. You can CLICK HERE to visit THE SHOP for your fave accountability pieces!
[Published via Original Website October 31, 2013. Edited, July 1, 2018]
]]>