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Home 2018-04-21T00:51:36+00:00

ABOUT TIFFY TALKS

Tiffany Wilson, M.Div is an Author, Coach, Speaker, and also the Founder and CEO ofTiffyTalks LLC. For 15 years, Tiffany previously worked in Sales, where ten of those years were spent with an industry leading Consumer Packaged Goods company.

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10 LATEST ARTICLES

How to Possess Everything God Has for You Like Joshua

Are You Being Passive Aggressive in Real Life or on Social Media

5 Critical Missteps Single Women Make, And How to Avoid Them

5 Women Share the Benefits of Spending Time Alone with God

5 Things to Do When Nothing Seems to Be Going Right

10 Secrets to Success God’s Way

How to Build Your Faith When Life Isn’t Going As Planned

7 Ways Low Self-Esteem Blocks You From the Promises of God

The Black Love Crisis: What Do Single Black Women Do in the Meantime

6 Books Guaranteed to Get Your Heart & Mind Happy This Summer

Full Articles

How to Possess Everything God Has for You Like Joshua

Ladies, ladies, ladies! It’s a process to possess the promise, but it’s worthwhile.

I know “process” is a negative word in some circles, but without it, you’ll be setting yourself up for short term success and long term failure.

The good news is you can have what God says is yours, but you’re gonna have to follow, fight, then possess what God has for you!

It’s a process to possess the promise.

The promise land (or man, business, degree, etc. etc.) won’t be handed to you or delivered at your doorstep via Fedex or UPS. I need all my God loving ladies to get this, just because it’s a deep, deep, desire of your heart, it doesn’t mean you’re guaranteed to see it manifested in your life.

Give me a minute to explain why.

Last year, during the last quarter of 2017, I was led to read the Book of Joshua. You may know that Joshua was Moses’ protégé. The Bible describes him as Moses’ assistant or servant (Joshua 1:1).

The word servant in Hebrew means to minister or to serve. The English definition of protégé is a person who is guided and supported by an older and more experienced or influential person; a person under the protection, or care of someone interested in his or her career or welfare. 

Joshua walked with Moses, talked with him, learned from him and witnessed Moses’ obedience to God. Moses discipled Joshua. Joshua shadowed him so closely that when Moses died, Joshua was called and commissioned by God to continue where Moses left off, to lead the people of Israel into the promise land and possess it.   

He was prepared and positioned to be next in line to enter the promise land.

God kept His promise, but Moses (and many of the Israelites) did not step foot in the promise land, here’s why… 

  • Disobedience (not following God’s guidance)
  • Taking credit or all the glory for God’s work in your life (acting like he/she did it without God)
  • Sinning that negatively impacts numerous people (publicly misleading people, for instance via social media)

Let’s not overlook the fact that Moses did a great work for God. However, he didn’t step foot in the promise land because he did all three of the above mentioned (read Numbers 20:8-12 for the full story).

Despite Moses’ defiance, God wanted the people of Israel to successfully possess the promised land. God wants you to take possession of what’s been promised to you too. That husband, baby, business, ministry, God wants you to possess it.

I’ll say this again, whatever God has promised you, God wants it to come to pass. Here’s how it will come to pass..

By learning from God’s clear call and commission to Joshua:

“As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you. Be strong and courageous; for you shall put this people in possession of the land that I swore to their ancestors to give them. Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to act in accordance with all the law that my servant Moses commanded you; do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, so that you may be successful wherever you go. This book of the law shall not depart out of your mouth; you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to act in accordance with all that is written in it. For then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you shall be successful (Joshua 1:5-8).”

God wants you to…

  • Be disciplined, discipled or directed by someone who cares about your mental, physical and spiritual growth or welfare. Joshua was a student before he was a teacher. Don’t go it alone without being a protégé first. Observe how God is moving in the lives of others ahead of you and around you.
  • Be confident that I am with you, I will not fail you or forsake you. The word forsake means to leave or abandon. So, despite how it feels at times, God is promising to be present and for you.
  • Be strong and courageous because what’s of God and purposed by God isn’t easy to obtain. You’re going to have to intentionally show up and fight for what God says is yours (Joshua 1:11).
  • Be obedient and careful to follow God’s instruction. It may seem like the steps God is asking you to take is irrelevant or unnecessary, but God’s leading is meaningful and methodical. God wastes nothing.
  • Be meditating on the vision of the promise and Word of God, so you’ll know God’s wisdom vs. the deception of the enemy. God confirms our direction in life and provides a lamp to our footsteps via the Word of God, to negate engaging the Word of God is to be consistently foggy or in the dark.

There are too many women of faith, isolated or surrounded by those who won’t tell them the truth in love, hidden behind great social media profiles, yet seeking belonging and love. I not only see you, I feel you and I hear you. If you are her, you need a Moses or Elizabeth (Luke 1:45) in your life. We ALL do.  But, you have to come out from behind the scenes to possess the promise!

By the way, I’m back from my blog break. Moving forward I’m committed to making myself more accessible via video and IG live. I hope you’ll tune in and ask questions. This platform is officially under construction too. It’s time for the new new!

Are we clear though? The promise land isn’t given to anyone. It’s possessed and possession requires participation (God-engagement, self-engagement, community-engagement). Let me know how this “process to promise” resonated or moved you.

With Love + Purpose,

Tiffany Wilson, M.Div

P.S. Get engaged with the right community! Get the Word in your heart and change your life, join the virtual biweekly {FAVRD} Bible study. {FAVRD} tackles real concerns modern women face from a biblical perspective, RSVP by emailing info@tiffytalks.com or Sanovia@tiffytalks.com, join us March 22-June 14, 6:45-8pm EST.

Are You Being Passive Aggressive in Real Life or on Social Media

This past Saturday, at The Release Experience, an afternoon of worship, sessions and breakthrough hosted by Phylicia L. Henry, MBA and I. There were so many rich comments and questions that came from the participants.

I don’t mean to do this, but at times, it just happens. When someone is speaking, I can literally hear a word drop into my mind, more like on top of chest. While one of the participants was speaking about a relational scenario in her life, I heard the words: Passive Aggressive. 

So, I asked the Google expert in the audience to look it up.

What does it mean to be passive aggressive?

“It is where you are angry with someone but do not or cannot tell them. Instead of communicating honestly when you feel upset, annoyed, irritated or disappointed you may instead bottle the feelings up, shut off verbally, give angry looks, make obvious changes in behaviour, be obstructive, sulky or put up a stone wall.” -Andrea Haarn, Psychotherapist

Based on Andrea Haarn’s definition, many of us fall into exerting passive aggressive behavior from time to time, especially with certain people, but then there are those who dwell in the passive aggression space. They either don’t know they have a pattern of passive aggression or are aware, but don’t know how to stop the tendency to bottle up feelings or let annoying things slide, possibly because it’s a learned behavior or a cultural thing.

Think about it.

Do all the women in your family backbite, instead of talking directly to the other family member who hurt or offended them? Are all the men in your family willingly passive or led by women? Were your true feelings supported as a child or were you scolded for being too emotional?

Any of the before mentioned context cues, can fuel a tendency to be passive aggressive, now that you’re an adult.

After reading aloud a definition of passive aggressive, some of the women at The Release Experience began to nod their heads in agreement. A couple of the women, verbally acknowledged, “yup, I do that”! I’m being passive aggressive with this person.

Do you have a pattern of avoiding direct, honest communication about tough matters? Do you find yourself blocking people on social media because they’ve triggered something in you? Would you prefer to avoid people in your family, instead of addressing what’s bothering you?

Did you answer yes to any of these questions?

If so, it’s okay, but I’d like for you to consider how passive aggressiveness could impede your ability to be happy and have close, healthy, loving relationships.

  • You could be seen as extra fickle, because you don’t stand for what you feel. Therefore, others may struggle to listen to what you say when you do speak up.
  • Instead of strengthening the richness of your relationships, you could be weakening them, by not confidently speaking about things that matter to you.
  • You’re wasting time with distractive and negative thoughts about the person who offended you, looking for ways to “passively” get him or her back. Like, blocking him or her on social media.
  • You could begin to get physically sick due to the stress of bottling everything in overtime.

If this article has helped you identify passive aggressiveness in your life, you can begin to do something about it.

  • Admit to yourself that you don’t want to be passive aggressive.
  • Practice speaking up for yourself when the offense or rub happens. Take a deep breath. Be brief and to the point about letting him or her know how they crossed a line or rubbed you the wrong way. One of my favorite ways of letting someone know they’ve rubbed me wrong is: You made me feel uncomfortable.
  • Schedule a coffee or tea date with the person you want to address. If need be, write down what you want to say in advance to keep you focused.
  • Checkin with a coaching or counseling professional. Passive aggression could be a pattern for you that needs to be worked through with you by a trained professional. Single women, I’m here for you.

As you go into the holiday season, attend holiday parties and reconnect with extended family, I hope you are able to assert yourself, where need be. Let us know how this article resonated with you or rubbed you the wrong way, by commenting below.

With Love + Purpose,

Tiffany Wilson, M.Div (aka)

P.S. If you’re interested in addressing how passive aggressiveness is impacting your dating life or singleness, I invite you to schedule a free 30 minute coaching call with me, CLICK HERE to make it happen.

5 Critical Missteps Single Women Make, And How to Avoid Them

I’m fired up, and overwhelmed with joy because I can sense God’s arms are wide open, beckoning single women to run to Him for the unconditional love they crave, and to be cautious about running into the arms of the wrong men for approval or affirmation.

But, do Christian single women trust the author of love to love us and lead us? 

From my experiences as an African American single woman, coaching and serving single women for the past five years and listening to the heart’s of single women via social media, there’s a great deal of angst surrounding singleness, dating and the possibility of marriage.

The worries and fears OR peace and confidence that exists within a single woman’s heart WILL influence the type of man she entertains, and eventually dates or marries, or if she settles.

Dr. Deepak Reju, Pastor of biblical counseling and family ministry at Capitol Hill Baptist Church (Washington, DC), in his profound article, on why women settle for the wrong guy, he wrote:

It’s important to “look into the war going on in a woman’s heart” to find the deeper issues that need to be addressed.

The Bible is clear, the heart “determines the course of your life” (Proverbs 4:23). Your heart is your inner man, and it determines where your affections go. Simply put, your heart will govern your actions, thoughts, speech, and overall life.

If you allow the wrong men or things into your heart, you run the risk of your life being turned upside down and the fulfillment of your purpose being delayed or aborted.

We all know the woman who’s determined to date the “Christian” guy, whose actions are anti-christ like, or settles for the attractive guy with charisma, but he has no intention on waiting to have sex or honoring God. Maybe you’re the one who hasn’t been convinced that forgoing sex until marriage will bear good fruit in you your life?

Either way, there’s an urgency for single women to be wiser in how we manage our temples, and who we allow to gain access to our hearts.

Why the urgency? Because prayer without obedience won’t produce the blessings you’re praying for. Plus, the quality of your relationships, the richness of your life experiences and your overall fruitfulness is at stake (John 15:5).

Therefore, God wants single women to be attentive…

Not tuned outward, but tuned inward, “getting engaged” with who you are and who God is, matters.

Are you attending to the welfare of your being and nurturing your relationship with God?

You are responsible for your emotional, physical and spiritual health. Your overall wellness begets good decision making. It can determine whether or not you’ll accept a love that flourishes overtime or a short term fiery passion with no purpose. Think about it, would you knowingly entrust your “healthy” self and heart to an “unhealthy” man?

Healthy love requires attending to you and a healthy level of attention to the right voices. 

Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track.” -Proverbs 3:8 MSG

God wants single women to be alert…

Not aloof, overlooking red flags, but sober minded, so you’ll be keenly aware of when you’re approached by a wolf or a man. A man of God has reverence for God and a heart for you, a wolf has a heart to conquer you and your body.

There’s a difference. One makes you feel capable and refreshed, the other makes you feel insecure and dirty.

Have you ever overlooked a red flag, thinking it wasn’t a big deal, maybe your desire got the best of you? Know this, the enemy will have you thinking you’re strong enough to entertain or tame a wolf. Don’t be fooled, a wolf is cunning and will go to extreme lengths for a conquest, then disappear on you. Be alert!

“Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour…” -1 Peter 5:8

God wants single women to be secure…

Not being misled by your emotions or insecurities. Overtime, God wants your assurance in Christ to be so strong and resolute, that grasping for attention and affirmation from the wrong people will be a pastime.

In her ebook, Hope for the Woman with Father Wounds, Kia Nicole Stephens encourages unmarried women, who desire marriage, to “practice going to God to get their unmet desires met, prior to marriage.” Although she’s been married for 14+ years, Kia believes leaning on God beforehand would’ve benefited her and the marriage.

Click here to download a free copy of her ebook.

See, God wants your heart to be safe and secure in Him and His ability to fill any longing you have. God is trying to protect you from being disgraced and disregarded by those who are unsafe and unstable. Seeking Him first, will fulfill us in ways an a man is not equipped to do.

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” – Matthew 6:33 KJV

God wants single women to be radiant…

Not emotionally, mentally or spiritually dehydrated from your thirst for a relationship or marriage.

There’s a natural glow up that God wants his daughters to radiate from within. When you’re meditating on the Scriptures, seeking wise counsel and being deeply loved by God and a community of believers (family and friends too), you will be refreshed from the inside out.

“Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” -Psalm 34:4 NIV

Not only will you see the light, but others will see the light within you. 

Will I ever meet my match? Am I undateable? When will I attract the one who desires marriage and children, with me?

These kind of questions will begin to fade or lose a hold on you, when you practice going to God for your unmet needs –and when you’re mindful about avoiding missteps that lead to unnecessary headache and heartache (Proverbs 14:12).

Here are 5 Critical Missteps Single Women Make, and How to Avoid Them

  1. Dating without wise counsel. I know being open about one’s love interests can be a challenge for some women, especially black women, but to date in isolation, is unwise. The great guy in your eyes, could be a wolf. You need a trusted community, who loves you, to help you see what you can’t see.
  2. Being unwilling to self-reflect (or ask for help). Maybe you’re not good at dating or you have no idea why undesirable men are drawn to you? The critical misstep here is blaming the men and not being self-reflective. Look at why you attract or are attracted to the married or untrustworthy guys? It’s nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. It’s about noticing yourself and your themes, so you can adjust and grow.
  3. Being driven by doing vs. being. I call it the ‘I Gotta Do More Syndrome’: Which is having an inherent belief that “works” –your sex, your cooking, your wardrobe, and your achievements will win a man over and make you a wife. When you do gain a man this way, you have to keep it up after the marriage. It’s better to gradually reveal who you truly are as the relationship grows and trust is developed.
  4. Moving too fast. When you first meet someone, and you move too quickly, it’s hard to determine if you’re growing a real liking or false attachment to the person. Take your time to get to learn who he is in different contexts. Time reveals truth.
  5. Fantasizing too soon. Stay in reality! Don’t gloss over his flaws or silence your intuition. Pay attention to who he is and how he makes you feel. If your aim is to meet quality men and eventually marry a man of quality, focus now, fantasize later!

I enjoyed writing this article! Did it inspire you in anyway as a single woman? Let’s talk about it, add your comments or questions below.

With Love + Purpose,

P.S. Single women, would you like to get the tools to deal with the real-life fears and temptations related to dating? Are you ready to get your heart and mind ready to sustain a quality relationship? I invite you to join the next Inner Circle Intensive running from 12/2 – 12/20. Click here for registration details!

5 Women Share the Benefits of Spending Time Alone with God

What is it about spending time alone that makes people uncomfortable?

The truth is, had my ex loved me way back then, the way I thought he should’ve or proposed, and had my daughter been a compliant and “good” teenager, I would not have had the time alone to discover…

  1. Who I am
  2. Who God is
  3. What my gifts and talents are, and accept them
  4. Who fits me romantically, based on the above three points
*These points are clearly defined by T.D. Jakes in the video, Time Alone, via YouTube. Click here to watch.

Do you know who you are? Do you know who God is? What are your gifts and talents? Are you resisting your gifts and talents or do you accept them?

Let me give you an example from my life. When my relationship with my daughter was strained, I gave in allowed her to go and live with her father to finish the twelfth grade.

#1: I instantly became an empty-nester.

I also was spending less and less time with my ex because we lived in different cities and the relationship was over, yet not finished. You get what I’m saying, today you might call it a “situationship.”

#2: I instantly was forced to spend time alone.

I was afraid, emotionally broken-down and questioning, myself, my worth, and my purpose for existing. I reveal more of my trials and triumphs and how to overcome the fear of change in my book, #GetEngaged with Yourself & Win! 12 Keys to Unlocking the Life & Love You Desire.

My time alone was the perfect time for God to get me by myself.

13 years later, my daughter never returned to live with me and my ex and I didn’t reconciled our relationship. Basically, I was gifted time to be real, heal so I could love better. I was being called to adjust and learn how to accept myself, my new life and my single status. I could’ve resisted the call, the time alone, and the quality time with God.

The choice was mine to make. You know we always have choices to make, to avoid ourselves or face ourselves, to engage God or disengage from God, to hold someone close or to let him or her go.

TD. Jakes said, “Most single people don’t live, they wait.”

Are you waiting to live? Are you waiting to make a choice?

The heartache I wrestled through, prayed through, fasted through, exercised through and celebrated through over the years has all been for such a time as this (Esther 4:14).

I had to spend time alone with God to understand my life didn’t end when my daughter moved in with her dad, and when my ex and I parted ways. It took years for me to see (and accept) that I am more than a mother or girlfriend, nothing against either, I valued both, but there’s more to me and my purpose.

Now, I get to share with other women this simple message: #GetEngaged! (because there’s more Psalm 118:17.) Abundance, thriving and being whole within are not spiritual myths. It is all possible, yet generated through relationship with God.

The Psalmist expresses the benefits of being one who delights in the Lord…

“That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither– whatever they do prospers.” ~Psalm 1:3 NIV

My PSA for you is this: Don’t die because you’re single at 32, 34 or 39. Don’t quit on life because you’ve been deceived by a lover. And, lastly, don’t lose heart because your life isn’t what you thought it would be.

God wants you to live!

Don’t be misled, having a bunch of activities to do, working on another degree or burying yourself in the arms of temporary men isn’t necessarily living.

Since the inception of www.TiffyTalks.com, although the “how” or strategy has changed over the years, from blogging, to coaching groups, to fasting and prayer challenges. The “why” or mission has remained: empowering women to LIVE abundantly now by getting engaged with who they are and who God is…

Why? Because when a woman is engaged with…

  1. Who she is
  2. Who God is
  3. Her gifts and talents (and accepts them)
  4. Who fits her romantically based on the above three points (who’s most suitable for you?)

She is less likely to be depressed, desperately seeking or dealing with the wrong men, and more likely to be happy, confident and discerning of which men fit her best.

 

The 5 Day Fasting & Prayer Challenge is one way to compliment your journey to being engaged, healthy and whole.

The most recent challenge, hosted October 2-6 attracted women from Africa, Canada and throughout the United States, and resulted in greater awareness and unexpected blessings, for many.

5 Women Share the Benefits of Spending Time Alone with God

  • In today’s society, where it is the “norm” to be fake and always look like you have it going on, it is easy to think that we are alone in our failures and hurts. I was able to connect, relate, learn, and be inspired by women who are “real” with themselves and determined to fight for what God has in store for them. ~Monique Doyle, Philadelphia
  • In a few simple words, the prayer challenges keep me grounded and provide me with tools to do life, relationships and love in a healthier way by tapping into the ultimate source, God. My mind has been transformed by your services and my actions are following suit. ~Adrianne Edwards, Philadelphia
  • Through staying in the Word, praying, fasting and coming to together with my sisters in Christ has revived me. It renewed my heart, mind and spirit. ~Nikki Kane, Maryland
  • The challenge gave me courage that I didn’t even know I had. It sparked an energy in me to do more for myself. ~Mikki A. Ealey, Queens, NY
  • The 5 Day Fasting & Prayer Challenge helped me to see certain scriptures in new ways. The challenge also allowed me to connect and stand with women I may have not crossed paths with otherwise. ~Edith King, Philadelphia

Did this article serve as confirmation for you? Let us know, we’d love to hear how…

With Love + Purpose,

P.S. Are you done carrying or replaying hurts from your past, but not sure how to shake those thoughts? Would you like to be more confident in who you are and where you’re headed? No longer questioning yourself or your singleness. I encourage you to consider one-on-one coaching. You can book a FREE 30 minute session by clicking here. 

5 Things to Do When Nothing Seems to Be Going Right

You ever been in a season when nothing seems to be going right?

Like a friend said, “Beyoncé and Jay-Z could be at your event, and you still can’t get one person to show up?!” How about in your love life? For the life of you, you can’t get a date? Your pretty or personality isn’t drawing any interest.

Strange, huh?!

When you’re experiencing a dry spell, here are some internal thoughts or questions that may come to mind. How is this possible? What am I doing wrong? Why me? Why not me? It must not be meant to be.

In the natural, you’re trying to find a rational and tangible explanation for the drought you’re experiencing. You desperately want answers for the slamming of doors in your face.

If anything I’ve mentioned thus far is speaking to your current situation, I would like you to consider this. Could God be trying to move you in a new direction or isolate you, so you can hear from on high?

I love the Scripture, Isaiah 43:19. Years ago, it helped to pull me through some uncertain days…

“Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.” (KJV)

The New International Version of Isaiah 43:19, reads this way, “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?” Let’s be honest though, oftentimes, I’m finding in my life and in the lives of many of the women I coach and speak to, it can be difficult to see, perceive, BEHOLD or surrender to the new thing.

It could be due to our stubbornness, self-doubt or perhaps God is limiting our vision in order to build our faith, and reliance on Him?

As I enter into a new spiritual level, and the fourth quarter of 2017, I most certainly was thinking maybe this is a good time to “DO THE NEW THING?!” Since nothing seems to be going right, I was ready to drop the old things, and start up a new thing. Then, I received a word: “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” (John 21:6 NIV)

What I heard God saying is this, “I will help you do the new thing!”

In the past few weeks, God has revealed to me that I must hold on despite my inability to see the new thing, and lean on Him for the “precise” direction.

While you are praying and wondering what to do next in this peculiar season, I offer these five points for your consideration.

5 Things to Do When Nothing Seems to Be Going Right

  1. Wait for direction from God. The word wait here is packed with expectation. Instead of doubting, or moving hastily because you don’t see the promise, be hopeful and committed. Work the last thing God told you to work, while you expect God to show up with the new thing.

    “Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.” ~Psalm 27:14 KJV

  2. Rest in God’s presence. Be still and know God. God already knows you, but do you know God, for yourself? When you carve out time to be still, and seek God, you get to know God and in that still space, you’ll be revitalized and restored.

    “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.” ~Psalm 62:5 NIV

  3. Trust in God to show up for YOU. Those who trust in Yahweh (the God who is always there) won’t remain in a place of dryness. Keep trusting God to be God in your life.

    “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” ~Isaiah 40:31 KJV

  4. Be patient, yet expecting! Though it linger. Though it looks like nothing is working, we are reminded to hold tight and expect whatever God reveals to come to pass.

    “For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.” ~Habakkuk 2:3 NIV

  5. Live in the light. You will be baited to surrender to the dark side, to sin, to cut corners, to curse God, but don’t succumb to the seduction of the evil one’s tactics. You don’t have to be an angel to know sin doesn’t feel good, nor does it wear well on the soul. Fight to stay in the light, which means doing what is right, even when no one is watching. And, if you fall or fail, be quick to repent!

    “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.” ~Ephesians 5:8-11

Like Peter, I was so close to stopping completely, pulling up my net to return home, and start a NEW THING. I know now, that would’ve been an emotional, and premature decision.

Can you relate to wanting to stop completely? Let us know how you’ve persevered or plan to in the comment section below.

With Love + Purpose,

P.S. Seasonal blues are real, especially if you’re a single woman who desires to do the holidays with the one you love. Don’t fret and don’t settle for the emotional rollercoaster this season. I just added the Inner Circle Intensive for women who desire to finish 2017 emotionally strong and ready for love. Click here to join us! 

 

10 Secrets to Success God’s Way

What is your definition of success?

Is success connected to your career, health, and family or is it about money, status and how people see you? How about your ability to serve and influence others? Being able to define success for yourself is an important key to success. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself drifting towards ambitions and goals that have no significance to you or God.

Most of my life, I worked hard to obtain and live the world’s definition of success, and I was successful at it, private school for my daughter, prestigious camps, house in a top neighborhood. It was all good.

However, today I can say, having success God’s way has captivated me. Let me be clear, the allure from the world, to follow the herd is strong, but it’s not adventurous or stimulating to me anymore.

Having worldly success is mediocrity at its best, –yet I can admit, I started drinking the juice again. Are you familiar with the success juice I’m referring to? Here it goes:

“I’m telling you, if you do it this way it’ll work and generate this or that. Yeah, you definitely won’t make it unless you tell them what they want to hear, then give them what they need.”

Please hear me. Their success juice and system works for them, but it doesn’t work for me. I’m trying to hit a mark led by God (Philippians 4:13), where I get to be exactly who I am.

“When you attempt to serve God in ways you’re not shaped to serve, it feels like forcing a square peg into a round hole. It’s frustrating and produces limited results. It also wastes your time, your talent, and your energy.” ~Rick Warren

But! I got caught up, drinking “their” juice and I forgot my first love (Revelations 2:4-5), and replaced that love and passion for a false sense of success. Trying to shove a square peg into a round hole, doesn’t this sound like what some of us do in relationships?!

If you’re in a dry place or being tested and tried or maybe you’re seeking to formulate your own definition of success, please consider this list, so you can “endorse your own definition of success” sooner than later.

10 Secrets to Success God’s Way

  1. Let God quench your feelings of discontentment with life, with your relationship status, with your career, and definitely with your financials. Don’t do the most trying to fulfill your thirst, let God help. Let God lead you. Remember: In John 4:10, Jesus said to the woman at the well, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”
  2. Get engaged with your “why”. Why am I here? Why was I created? The answer is worth pursuing, knowing and doing. Be patient with yourself, but be persistent about discovering your “why”. Your Beautiful Purpose by Susie Larson and The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren are great reads to help you discover your “why”.
  3. Be cool with “how” you do what you do. Don’t make the mistake of trying to show up doing life or your “why” like the world does it. Yes, you can take ideas from her or them, but trust me, understanding your “how” is important. It’s okay to be the different that you are. Be confident and alert (1 Peter 5:8). The enemy wants you to be debilitatingly insecure about “how” you communicate, lead, dress, etc, etc.
  4. Learn to love yourself. Your idiosyncrasies, your aggressive or passive tendencies. Your vessel is a gift and how you treat you will vibrate throughout your entire life, including your relationships. The more compassion, respect and forgiveness you give to you, the more you can give to others.
  5. Let yourself grow. You can say “this is just who I am” because you’re grown, but if “who you are” is a know it all, controlling, abrasive or borderline abusive, then you my dear are holding yourself back from growing, and possibly love. This doesn’t contradict point #4 because the more you love yourself (God’s way), the more you’re purified to resemble the image of God’s Son, and the beatitudes (Matthew 5:1-12).
  6. Never stop learning. No woman or man is above coaching, teaching or wise counsel (listening). You can be self-taught, read books, go to passion or purpose related conferences, but also let someone else in your world to offer constructive criticism. When done right, we sharpen each other (Proverbs 27:17). Jesus went to John the Baptist to be baptized.  The disciples went to Jesus to be instructed. Who do you go to?
  7. Keep the priorities the priority and work the priorities. Laser focus on your priorities will make your heart happy and will help build a sense of fulfillment, and kick jealousy, envy and unhealthy competition in the face.
  8. Focus your creativity, time and money. Invest in what you care about. If love is your priority, then focus on love and how you can love more. Who cares if you have success in something you don’t care about?
  9. Don’t take your mortality for granted (Ecclesiastes 1:2). Buy the roses and smell them often. Get out and enjoy the world around you, and go on the date with the men who show genuine interest in you.
  10. Be honest with yourself and God. What do you really want? If you won’t be real with yourself or God, you won’t move the notch on most of this list, and true success will evade you.

Any surprises here, what would you add to this list? Please comment and feel free to forward this article to your friends.

With Love + Purpose,

P.S. Registration for the next Inner Circle is open! Before you go on another date or signup for another dating service, I invite you to join the Inner Circle. Let’s get you prepared for the love you desire, and have fun doing it! Early birds save by September 29th. CLICK HERE for details.

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