How do you get to live the life you love?
The average woman I know wants to live a life she loves, but living the life you love requires courage and conviction, two things that aren't easy, yet doable.
My dear friend and coaching peer, Julie Wadley, Life and Relationship Coach, and Owner of Eli Simone, LLC sat down to continue an ongoing conversation about dating, love, and the relational challenges that are facing women today.
We came to this conclusion: The average woman wants more than a fabulous relationship, she wants a life she loves.
In light of this conclusion, Julie and I came up with 5 Thought Provoking Questions to Help You Live a Life You Love:
1. Are you enough?
A big aha moment for Julie and I was this: when you realize you are enough, your whole life's landscape changes, especially the degree of love you are able to give and receive from others.
[Jules] If you can honestly say, "I am enough!" Great, but if not, evaluate why you think you're not enough? A woman that knows she's enough is grounded in the knowledge of self. She's okay with passing on men and opportunities that don't suit her best. She's also less likely to contort herself to fit others.
She's not arrogant, she's self-assured.
[Tiffy] The path to knowing you are enough is worth the journey. For years, I struggled with feelings of inadequacy, but as I began to #GetEngaged with my personality, passions and purpose, I recognized my value. Like you said Jules, "It's not arrogance!" I started to get genuinely excited about who God says I am, and the more I accepted myself, I began to flourish.
Am I enough? is a courageous question to ask yourself, and even bolder move is your willingness to answer in truth. Are you enough for a husband? Are you enough for your dream job? Are you enough for your friends? Are you enough?
Get to the root of this question and the way you approach love and life changes, for the better.
2. Are you prioritizing the priority?
Giving people, places and things that matter most (to you) top priority is a great way to jumpstart the life you love. When you plan and proceed based on your key priorities, your sense of accomplishment will soar. Some women are working diligently on things they don't care about. This way of being is a sure way to be constantly annoyed and discontent.
[Jules] Make "it" a priority. Figure out what you want and how important it is to you. Ask yourself how does what you "want" fit into your list of priorities as it relates to everything else that's going on in your life. When you really want something to happen, put it on your short list of top priorities. Ask yourself, what are the obstacles that are preventing you from your goal? Is it fear, lack of resources, not enough support? Also, what can you do to minimize what's blocking you from your goal?
For instance, a major roadblock for many people is fear. Most times, fear is imaginary.
A woman may desire to be married, yet she fears rejection or not knowing how to put herself out there, to be datable.
She doesn't want to come off as desperate or thirsty. There's a lot of discomfort around being vulnerable, but without vulnerability a woman may miss a key priority in her life, love.
[Tiffy] Make God a priority. It sounds cliche, but really when you make God a priority, you automatically make you and love a priority. You begin to see what really matters and what doesn't: value vs. vanity.
I'm not talking about adding religious activities to your life. I'm talking about going to God in spirit and truth (John 4:24) to get godly counsel.
If you don't do this already, get in the habit of prayerfully seeking God.
Ask this: in this season, what should be the top priorities for my life? Write down whatever you hear coming to mind, even if it sounds farfetched. Then write where you spend most of your time and effort. Do they align?
Make the necessary adjustments and make sure you fit into your list of priorities. You can't give what you don't have to give.
3. Are you proactive or reactive?
Living the life you love is strongly connected to being proactive.
"Taking initiative does not mean being pushy, obnoxious, or aggressive. It does mean recognizing our responsibility to make the right things happen." -Dr. Steve Covey
[Tiffy] I added the words "the right" to Dr. Covey's quote because it's important, as women of faith, to make the right things happen. Things you know God is encouraging you to do or not to do.
The reactive lifestyle points to everything outside of self as the issue. The proactive lifestyle is determined to get engaged with self, and be responsible for contributing your part (purpose) in God's big plans.
Yes, some things are unjust, systemic and out of your control, but there are other things that you can do to ignite the life you'll love. Like beefing up your prayer life, distancing yourself from bad company, and committing your time to the things that matter most to you.
[Jules] I did an event titled: Where are all the men? and many of the women there spoke from a helpless place, as it relates to being single. But, women aren't helpless. We have the ability to build and make great things happen!
Actually, I'm finding that some women are paralyzed by their own success.
They've built these amazing personal brands, and don't want to do anything to contradict their brand. If their brand gives off, "I'm fearless!" It can be hard to be vulnerable and admit you need help or love.
4. Are you focused on outcomes?
Living in the moment can be challenging to do, especially if you thrive on seeing results, but if you can resist the need to know the outcome, and come to appreciate the journey, you'll find goodness there.
The candy and clouds in each day, have a way of forming a life that you can't help but to love.
[Tiffy] Focus on having good experiences. Recently, I went on a blind date. Although, there wasn't a romantic connection, I was able to enjoy the guy's company because I wasn't wondering, "Is it him or not?!" There was a time when I would obsess about the outcome. Now, I'm more interested in having good experiences with quality people, as a result, I get to enjoy the process of dating more.
If the thought of not having enough good experiences with the opposite sex comes to mind, I write about why "good experiences" are important, especially to women of color, in A Dating + Singleness Guidebook for the Modern Single Woman of Faith Who Desires Love, click here to grab your free copy.
[Jules] Let go of outcomes! If you go into a dating situation with the end already in mind, then you are more focused on the outcome and less on the experience. Some women that I come across and work with, go from first date to marriage (in their minds) without considering who the person is.
I caution women, don't miss out on the journey.
Skipping the dating period is a no no! It's about connecting with someone you respect, and valuing their friendship. When relationships hit rough spots, and they do, it's the friendship that was built during the dating phase that will save the relationship.
5. Are you fairytale focused?
If you have a certain type, certain height, certain way in which the "fairytale" must happen for you, then you could be thinking your life isn't a success because you lack the fairytale picture.
It's hard to love a life that you think is wrong.
Living the life you love is able to happen right now, but it starts with you and how you think.
[Jules] Fairytales are sold to girls early. Many of us are raised to think that we should wait for the guy to act. I was at an event and I wanted to introduce a woman to a man and as I gestured to walk her over to him, she questioned, "Should I be saying something to him first?" There are so many women with all these great qualities, but are waiting to share and show who they are.
[Tiffy] I love fairytales tho. However, I know, being fixated on a fairytale story or having a specific prince's profile in mind can be unhealthy, plus limiting to one's love life. Although, I'm not one to promote approaching men, I am for sparking up normal, natural conversation, which is what women who have interesting things to share do, right? Right.
Did you enjoy these thought provoking questions? Jules and I had a great time working through them. Did any question stand out to you? If so, let us know which one and why? Comment below.
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks, and special guest, Julie Wadley
Are you interested in working with Coach Tiffany? Do you need accountability to get engaged with you, so you can live a life you love? Click here to set up a 1-on-1 Coaching Consultation.
[Published via Original Website February 26, 2015. Edited, September 14, 2018]
Great questions! The one that stood out to me was #4 Are you focused on outcomes.
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