Are you done waiting on God, for love?
Lately, this dating and waiting on God topic has been beating down my door. On a few occasions, I tried to meet up with some of my blogger boos and sister-friends to let my hair down, it didn't happen. Instead, I was clearly set up to have the same, needed conversation, over and over again.
My blogger boos, my sister-friends, these beautiful black women I respect and adore had heartfelt concerns about being single, dating and love.
Here's what they had to say, maybe some of their concerns sound familiar to you?
"I'm tired of waiting on God!"
"Will love happen for me?"
"Am I enough? Compared to other women, I feel like a Blackberry in a sea of iPhone 6's!"
I could hear the frustration, disappointment and doubt in their voices. Underneath all of their running emotions, they sincerely were trying to grapple with this bottomline question...
What if I don't get married?
It's definitely questionable times for the African American community as it relates to commitment and marriage. All of the women I'm referring to, just so happen to be African American.
In Robert M. Franklin's book, Crisis in the Village: Restoring Hope in the African American Community, he's calling for the black church, politicians and all Americans (especially African Americans) to stop and address the crisis of commitment in today's culture.
Historically, African Americans did commitment and marriage, despite what you've heard or think, but today the numbers are staggering (which adds to the weakening of the black community).
In 1880, 56.3% of African American households were nuclear households.*
In 1950, 78% of African Americans were married.*
In 2014, 7 out of 10 African American children were raised in single households.
Mr. Franklin is correct, we are in crisis mode, and with these sobering statistics, I can see why my beautiful single sisters are unsettled and fearful.
I have concerns too. However, we can't let these negative reports lessen our faith. If anything, these statistics should cause us to fall to our knees, even more, and wait on God to guide, and reveal how to best deal with this "love" crisis.
For he says to Moses, "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." -Romans 9:15 NIV
Yes, God decides whom to grant compassion, mercy and favor, but it's up to us to ask for what we need! The same way Moses sought God, so can we. Who else is able to change the hearts of men (and women), but God?
We do know, some women aren't as ready as they claim to be for love, right?
The question is how willing are we to get engaged, to do our part to partner with God to turn around the commitment, marriage and love deficit? I'm not placing the burden of the commitment and marriage crisis on the shoulders of women.
However, I AM challenging you as a woman to step into your realm of influence.
As a woman, you are an influencer, and women have great influence over men.
Eve influenced Adam to eat from a tree God told him not to eat from. Queen Esther influenced the king to listen to her and not slaughter her people. Sarah influenced Abraham to sleep with their slave, Hagar. The rich woman convinced her husband to build a room on their house for another man, so the prophet Elijah would be comfortable whenever he passed through town. Ruth influenced Boaz to take notice of her and eventually they married.
My single sister: How are you using the influence that you have?
Are you lowering your standards to do whatever a man asks, for fear of not having a man at all? Are you tossing faith aside and letting fear rule your heart? I know it's not easy. I'm single too, but what I've discovered is I'm happiest and most influential when I partner with God to help me navigate this love thing.
Waiting on, and walking with God isn't passive.
It's not about saying a prayer and leaving it there, then waiting for your version of "Boaz" to show up. It's about continually posturing yourself to hear what God has to say about you and your life, discerning what season you're in (so you're not engaging people, places and things that don't fit) and showing up to do your part, while entrusting God to his part.
Here's how you can get engaged with your part:
- Get clear about you and behaviors that may be keeping you from what you desire most. Who are you? What are the desires of your heart? What's your not so good pattern with men?
- Acknowledge your need for relationship with God. How's your relationship with God? What is God saying to you in this season, about singleness, dating, love? You will grow in confidence the more you hear from and follow God's lead.
- Get wisdom. Who's speaking into your life? What kind of accountability do you have? What are you doing with the "free" time that you have?
Did this topic hit home for you? Let's chat about how and why below.
If you are frustrated about being single and the current state of dating, commitment and marriage? I encourage you to switch up how you do singleness. Download A Guidebook to Dating + Singleness for the Modern Woman of Faith Who Desires Love, chapter one is FREE! Click here to get your copy.
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
[Published via Original Website October 2, 2014. Edited, August 20, 2018]