Thinking back, I’ve always been a dreamer.
The rapper Nasir Jones said, “I know a billionaire that has everything, but a family.”
The actual thought of having financial riches without the richness that comes with having a family is unsettling to me. This lyric is a reminder to remain balanced in all that I do, and to keep the priorities for my life the priority: God, self, daughter, family, business, community, and so on and so on.
Do you know what the priorities are for your life? Are you keeping them the priority?
Nas' words also supports my belief that every human being is created to love and be loved. At the core of the billionaire, the millionaire or the working class guy or gal there rests a commonality, a yearning, to experience love.
When I was a teenager, I, like many other girls dreamed about Mr. Right, Prince Charming, rolling up, Levis' and Adidas fresh (that's where we were in the 80's) with the promise of security and everlasting love.
That dream didn't last long or should I say it evolved overtime...
I can vividly recall daydreaming about Mr. Right. I pictured us growing old together and having this house with a little white picket fence. I happily shared the dream with my then boyfriend, my teenage love, and he laughed at me and my dream.
His facial expression was classic, like Tiff why are you thinking about this?
It's just a dream, --girl, wake up!
Despite our youth, and lack of seeing eye to eye, I seriously believed we could “make it last forever.” Unfortunately, my high hopes for our teenage love to blossom into a happily ever after situation was denied.
We went from being a teenage love thing, wearing matching leather jackets and chunk jewelry, to being pregnant with our daughter. I did my best to keep us together, but in the end, our youth, his popularity and lifestyle, made it impossible for our relationship to work.
Although, our relationship fizzled, this core desire to be in a loving relationship was still alive in me.
My dream of Mr. Right didn't die.
Unfortunately, I tried to force a Mr. to be Right, and I wrongly placed my desire to love and be loved on all the wrong men.
Mr. Gangster, been there, done it. Mr. Unavailable, absolutely know about him and Mr. Promiscuous, I can't believe I thought you were datable.
It's laughable now, but living it was brutal.
Now, over two decades later, I can look back on my younger days and say, “Why was I dreaming about Mr. Right at such a young age?” Why was I pulling on young men (really boys), who barely knew themselves for assurance and emotional security?
They genuinely didn't have it to give.
I’ve come to learn that my girlhood dreams about Mr. Right were valid and connected to a true desire to be married, someday. However, the timing and my ability to choose the right guy for me was off because things weren't right within me.
How has my dream of Mr. Right evolved?
Although, the fulfillment of my dream of Mr. Right has been delayed, over the years, my love life has improved. It has expanded to include the love of God and a love of self.
Love is so much bigger than marrying Mr. Right.
Connecting with the love of your life is an important piece of the puzzle of life (to me it is), but love itself is broader than boo, bae or beau.
Self-love and God-love matters too.
I can't speak for you, but my love story has been a rocky road to getting engaged with myself. Through all the pain and tears, I refused to give up on me or think my life is less valuable because someone else isn't in it.
Are you single and anxious? Do you want Mr. Right to show up already? I urge you to talk to God about your frustration and fear.
And, consider this: Why is singleness such a pain for you?
There was a time when I was so heartbroken. I felt like I had lost my one chance at Mr. Right, and the family life I wanted so badly. One day, in a panic, I cried out to God to rescue me from the pain.
Today, I'm confident, love has not escaped me. Love found and saved me.
Do you feel like love continues to escape you? Like, you can't make sense of why you're single, compared to others? If this speaks to you, I created a guide that will challenge you to let go of false thinking about yourself and singleness, plus equip you to date and engage the opposite sex in ways that improve your love life.
Click here to get your copy of "A Dating + Singleness Guide for the Modern Woman of Faith Who Desires Love."
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
[Published via Original Website November 11, 2013. Edited, August 4, 2018] PC: _willpower_