God's call changed my life.
To give you an authentic picture of how it felt being "called" by God, I should've taken a selfie and written this post, on one of the many occasions when I was face down, on my bedroom floor with a nasty mixture of tears, mascara and snots running down my cheeks.
Not pretty, but true.
That’s when I was in the midst of one of my many classic, “Why ME?” battles with God. You may know how it goes, not only, why me, but also...
What did I do to deserve this?
If you’re anything like me, you do your best to list out loud, all of the reasons why you shouldn’t be called and experiencing what you’re experiencing or better yet, why you shouldn’t be denied what you desire, for the sake of the call.
You don't have to be a spiritual guru to know there's a cost that comes with God's call, right? That's why resistance is a normal human reaction to being called.
When God called Moses to bring his people out of Egyptian slavery, "Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt? (Exodus 3:11)”
It's normal to object or to be perplexed by God's call because being called out of your comfort zone isn't easy, for any of us. It typically requires transparency with God, vulnerability with yourself (and others), and this pull to show up fully. Basically, you'll be asked to do you part and God will do His part.
But, don't worry too much, with God's call comes --the process.
The process doesn't happen overnight. When I think back to my earlier years of wrestling with God's call, my heavy heart was filled with fear and sincere sadness. I was sad because didn't want to change and I wanted what I wanted. And, what I wanted was a husband.
I didn’t want what God wanted for me, and that was --ME in seminary? I barely knew about Jesus or his story. How could I go to seminary? Therefore, again—I whaled...
WHY ME GOD?!
Fast forward to today, I’ve been a student since 2009 and I’m scheduled to graduate May of 2015 from Palmer Theological Seminary with a Master of Divinity.
It's really crazy, yet cool.
Did I submit to God’s call easily? Not at all. As a matter of fact, it's been years of process. As mentioned, there have been so many tantrums and threats to give up, but gradually my heart was being softened to desire God's best.
Did I ever think seminary was a part of my best life? No—but it is. Now, I know what joy is. I’m living an adventure, growing as a woman, while discovering my God-given gifts and talents.
Does the unpredictability of my story resonate with you? Do you wish God could be more practical in His approach with you? Are you asking God, why me or why not me?
Maybe, you’re very clear about God's call for your life, but like me, you want the relationship or whatever it is you want before you attempt to fulfill the call. The truth is saying yes to God’s call and relinquishing control isn’t easy, especially if control is what you do, but again, it's a process.
God's not puzzled by your apprehension or afraid of your questions.
I don't want to mislead you though...
After saying yes to seminary, God didn't deliver me a husband. That desire has yet to be fulfilled. However, saying yes, "Here I am," Lord has resulted in so much personal growth, and the sowing of good seeds. Therefore, I’m learning how to trust God’s infinite wisdom, more and more.
It took awhile, but today, I truly believe: God will not withhold “no good thing” from me (Psalm 84:11) or from you. The “good thing” just might look different than what you had in mind.
Be open and ready to travel down roads that require you to think outside the box and grow.
Did this post resonate with you? Are you frustrated, wondering why me? I want to hear from you. I'm here to answer any questions you have about discerning your calling or purpose. Comment below.
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
[Published via Original Website October 31, 2013. Edited, July 1, 2018]