Did anxiety get the best of you this Valentine's Day?
Are you glad the holiday is over?
I bumped into a woman at church who said, "This Valentine's Day, I didn't have any anxiety and I wasn't feeling tense about it." She was proud of herself, and I was happy for her.
Can you relate?
I got to thinking, how many other women were in the same shoes, celebrating their first Valentine's Day without any anxious thoughts about being single?
How about all of the women who spent Valentine's Day or the days leading up to it frustrated and tense?
Since anxiety [and depression] are the leaders of mental health in America, I wanted to offer some biblical, yet practical ways singles can slay anxiety on Valentine's Day, and beyond.
What is anxiety?
Psychology Today defines anxiety as extreme apprehension and worry, and expectations of negative outcomes in unknown situations. And, to be anxious, is to have a feeling of uneasiness about a future misfortune that has yet to happen.
Instead of cupid, does it feel like a cloud of misfortune is hovering over your love life?
Instead of feeling fortunate and optimistic about dating and getting to know the opposite sex, do you feel unfortunate and disregarded in your singleness, as if bad luck is your boo?
Well, as single women of faith, we don't hang our hat or hopes on luck, right?
God has given His daughters ammunition to slay self-doubt [if I lose more weight, then I'll be datable], the lies from the enemy [you'll never be enough!], and the fear-based stories from others about singleness [all men are cheaters, so why bother?!], but we must access the power we have, and act on it.
When the thought: will love ever happen for me? pops into your mind; here are a few things you can do to slay any anxiousness and worry you have about what the future holds for your love life.
What Single Women Can Actually Do to Slay Anxiety:
1. Overcome anxiety by shifting your perspective from being punished to being prepared.
Relationships are beautiful work, so let's not shy away from being prepared from the inside out.
Are you ready to be selfless? Are you eager to serve and love another they way they need to be loved? How much time and patience have you put into loving yourself?
The greater you love and accept yourself, the more you can transfer that "good" love onto your future beau or spouse. If you're anxious about who you are and what you have to offer, then give yourself time to #GetEngaged with you.
If you skip over you to get to "a relationship," you might make the mistake of accepting whoever comes your way, versus choosing the one who's best for you.
2. Overcome anxiety by seeking after who [and what] will give you more life.
Anxiety is like a piranha, eating away at whatever faith you have, and the evil one is chief over stirring up anxiety about your future, especially if you'll ever love and be loved. On the other hand, God is King over empowering us to be assured and confident in His present and everlasting love for us, which helps us to love and be loved well.
The contrast is stark!
Therefore, it is critical for single women of faith to KNOW and cleave to the One who gives more life now, even after death.
In the Book of Matthew 6:25, Jesus gave his disciples, and single women today, six powerful words of assurance to hold onto when times get tough.
What did Jesus say that was so profound? "Do not worry about your life."
Imagine if you clung to those 6 words, and allowed them to lead you throughout your singleness season.
3. Overcome anxiety by dealing with the "ties" in your past, and move on.
What keeps some women [and men] anxious about their single status is the FOMO-OSP Syndrome? It's the Failure of Missing Out on Someone in the Past Syndrome. [Yes, I made it up.]
You may be living with this right now. The thought that you've already missed out on your person, and somehow blew it, or that your opportunity for love won't ever come again.
This way of thinking is common, and could keep you stuck emotionally, mentally and spiritually, if you let it. There are so many people who have old chapters or books open, that need to be addressed, closed and packed away.
Please don't try to close and pack it away without addressing it.
As humans, I know, we say things like, "I'm over him or her," yet your heart and soul could still be freshly tied to that person.
Think about it: How can your heart be fully with your future love if your heart is already tied to another or others?
If you want to resolve the anxiousness you feel surrounding anyone from your past, prayerfully reach out to that person to address and heal that chapter. If the person is unattainable, ask the Holy Spirit to help you heal from any and all emotional attachments of your past, so you can move on to love and be loved wholeheartedly.
Single lady: It's so important how you perceive yourself, and your single status.
Let us know how you're handling any feelings of anxiety, and if anything offered in this post is inspiring you to do something different.
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
P.S. Would you like to learn more practical ways to overcome any fears or apprehensions you have surrounding singleness and dating? Click here to inquire about how you can work with Tiffany in-person or via video conference.