How would you describe the dating scene in one word?
Over the past week, I've heard some colorful dating stories about how the men out here are out of control, but I couldn't help but to think about the part we play as women, in enabling men to be out of control?
It's just something to consider...
The conversations with women about dating went from foolishness on Match.com, to a modern day polygamous, to he was married and broke?!
I'm aware of the polygamy guy, and the married guy who's stilling moving like he's single, but I have yet to venture into the online dating world. However, from what I know about online dating, you have to manage it the same way you would if you met a guy at a coffee shop, prayerfully and prudently.
On the backdrop of hearing these colorful dating scenarios, I hop on Instagram and scroll upon this post that set me over the top.
Here's what the Instagram post said:
"Been cheated on, lied to, left for someone else, dropped with no explanation, and I'm still trying to love like I've never been hurt."
I was done after reading this painful "superwoman" post.
First of all, it's not noble to still try to love like you've never been hurt. Why not address the wounds? I'm thinking: Girlfriend, you need a break from relationships to seek out a coach, counselor or some pastoral advice to address why so many unhealthy encounters and relationships?
Second, my sisters, something is wrong, not only with how we're dating, but who we're choosing to date, and why? Have you ever considered why did I choose to date that guy or how about this, why did I choose to sleep with him?
I'm not pointing the finger. I just want us all to stop pointing the finger and take responsibility for our decisions.
Just because the options "seem" limited, it doesn't mean you have to date undesirable and unavailable men.
You can say, "No! I'm good love," and mean it.
If you're a woman who desires to have a healthy relationship or marriage someday, you can no longer engage, enable or cosign the disinterested or the disrespectful man, especially if you say you want more.
You can and should nip in the bud any signs of apathy towards you.
I know you have needs, REAL emotional and physical needs; to be cherished, comforted, and protected, I have those same needs too, but if we don't uphold a standard as women, men will not.
Here are 4 Ways to Confidently Date and Be an Irresistible Single Woman:
1. You have to determine: what do you want relationally? Would you prefer to be casually associated or to be in a committed relationship? Are you a wife right now, waiting for your husband or maybe being coupled isn't on your list of priorities? I offer insight to help you figure out what you want in A Guidebook to Dating + Singleness for the Modern Woman of Faith Who Desires Love. Click here to get chapter 1 for free.
2. You must stand by what you want. If you're interested in dating to discover your likes and dislikes, then date with compatibility discovery in mind. If you desire commitment or if you're certain you are a wife in waiting, then let your actions align with your conviction.
3. You must be disciplined to get what you want. This pertains to those of you who know you desire to be in a committed relationship, or have been seeking God to prepare you [and your future spouse] for marriage. In order to connect with your guy, and decrease the odds of you being "cheated on, lied to, left for someone else, dropped with no explanation," you have to be more disciplined with you, and who can have access to your conversation and company. Also, you can't give "these men" your body and your beauty for nothing in exchange.
Know your worth: Milk and cows are on wholesale nowadays, don't add your body to the list.
If getting your worth continues to be an issue of concern in your life, and in your relationships, you don't want to miss the Self-worth + Dating Workshop, Live in Philly or Online, click here for registration details.
4. You must demand respect. As a woman, you have been given the power of influence. I urge you to use the power you have for good. Let's help these men! Yes, help a man out and in turn help another woman out (because every guy you encounter isn't your guy, but he's someone's guy). As soon as you see a red flag or a sign that he doesn't respect you, address it. Don't brush it off or block him. Let him know that you'll take a pass on him, and tell him why.
He'll either rise to the occasion or run, either way you win, you grow and he learns.
Did any of these points resonate with you? I'd love to hear where you are with dating and singleness? Share below.
You have a couple of weeks to get in on the Self-worth + Dating Workshop happening Live in Philly and Online, November 4 + 11. Click here to learn more.
Tiffany Wilson, M.Div aka @tiffytalks
[Published via Original Website January 28, 2017. Edited, October 23, 2018]